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The princess pajamas won, but it was a near thing, because stars, galaxies, and nebulae were super-cool. She crawled into her bed, and patted the space next to her. “Come look at my star constellations on the ceiling,” she invited.
I lay down next to her, hesitantly, and looked up. Oh God. The ceiling was studded with luminous stick-on stars, just like the ones Gabri and I had decorated her bedroom ceiling with, a lifetime ago.
Crap. The stars were a low blow. They were so unexpected, they slipped right past my guard. My throat closed, and my eyes filled with tears. The little greenish points of light melded into a watery blur as I blinked them away.
“Cool,” I said, over the frog in my throat. “I had those when I was a kid, too.”
“Uncle Ethan helped me measure out all the proportions, so we could recreate the biggest constellations,” she said. “We did a map, and planned it all out.”
“Yowza,” I said, “I didn’t do that, when I put up my stars. I just made up constellations in my head. I figured they were the stars that were visible from another planet. Planet Kat, in a galaxy far, far away.”
Holly laughed and cuddled closer to me. “I like Planet Kat,” she said. “I’m glad you’re here. Uncle Ethan is, too. I can tell he’s happy that you’re here. You should stay.”
Oh don’t, don’t, don’t do it. Don’t get so attached, don’t hold your heart out like that, it is so freaking dangerous.
I swallowed back all my choking fears and just hugged her. “Thank you for saying that,” I whispered “I’m glad to have met you.”
I held her until I realized she’d drifted off to sleep, and then extricated myself very gently. I stroked my finger down the little girl’s thick braid, and stole out, leaving the door a little open. Gabri had always wanted the door left open. She liked the stripe of light filtering through, and she liked to hear me puttering around in the living room, doing whatever. It made her feel safe.
Of course, there was no such thing as safe. Not for anyone. But little girls should keep their illusions for as long as possible. I hoped Holly could keep whatever was left of hers longer than I had been allowed to keep mine.
My heart felt too full to face the people still talking in the living room, so I quietly headed out onto the terrace, looking over the endless gradations of shadowy gray-blue in the twilit mountains and valleys, letting the breeze dry my wet eyes.
Freya followed me out after a few minutes. Jed was right behind her. They leaned on the railing, one on either side of me, which made me intensely self-conscious.
“Sorry about Holly putting you on the spot like that,” Freya said. “She’s a wonderful kid, but no nine-year-old is very big on tact. Or timing, for that matter.”
“But she knows a good thing when she sees it,” Jed added. “She wants to nail all the good things into place. I can’t blame her.”
“She reminds me of…someone I used to know,” I said. “Of course, I knew she’d be a great kid, from the way Ethan talked about her. He’s crazy about her.”
“Yes, he is,” Freya said. “He’s crazy about you, too.”
“That’s for sure,” Jed agreed.
My stress levels jolted up about ten notches in a hot instant. “Um, guys. I think you’re jumping the gun a little.” I spun around, so I could look at them both at the same time. “Ease off, maybe.”
Freya shrugged. “He’s so different with you,” she said.
“Yeah? How so?”
“Well, you may have noticed he’s a my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy, right?”
I let out a bark of laughter. “Actually, so far, it’s been more like, ‘my-way-and-the-highway-is-not-even-an-option-so-freaking-forget-it.”
Freya snickered under her breath. “Yeah, exactly. But that dominating vibe doesn’t work on you. You’re simply not moved by it. Which makes you perfect for him.”
I held up my hand. “Hold on,” I pleaded. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
Freya and Jed slanted each other a teasing glance.
“Getting ahead of ourselves is our specialty,” Jed said. His voice had that velvety sound that made me realize I was overhearing love talk.
Freya giggled at the inside joke. They exchanged flirty, loverlike glances. Hands, arms, winding together. Madly in love. Aww. It was lovely to see.
“What are you guys talking about out here?” Ethan said as he walked outside.
“You,” Freya said, with a sunny smile. “Of course. You’re one of our favorite topics.”
