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More smearing of antibiotic salves followed. I had to endure an injection of some broad-spectrum antibiotic or other that the doctor insisted on, to ward off all the possible infections. I steeled myself for the blood-drawing for various lab tests. But I drew the line at getting an IV bag of electrolytes. No fucking way was I lying here on my back with a drip in my arm.
Demiguel closed up his bag, his eyes worried. “You should be admitted to the hospital immediately,” he said. “After an ordeal like yours, there’s only so much I can do for you here at the house. We need to run tests. X-rays, ultrasounds?—”
“Later,” I said. “Not now.”
“I strongly advise you to do it now,” he said. “You should come with?—”
“Later.” My voice slashed down, silencing him.
Demiguel’s mouth tightened. He grabbed bag of blood samples. “I’ll go take a look at the young lady and the little girl, then,” he said stiffly. “And be on my way.”
“Won’t you stay for dinner, Josef?” Ethan urged.
“No. I’m sure you all have a lot of catching up to do.” He shot me a nervous glance. “And it’s late. Just please. Consider going to the hospital. As soon as you can.”
I nodded. Sure, fine, but I was locked in mortal combat with a blood-drinking monster at the moment. The check-ups and the spa treatments could wait.
Ethan waited until the door closed behind the guy, and then stared at me with cool eyes, arms crossed over his barrel chest. “This experience hasn’t done much for your manners,” he said.
“It sure fucking hasn’t,” I agreed readily.
As we locked eyes, I felt it. The pull inside me, toward something that I just could not reach. Like I was trapped behind a six-inch wall of fortified glass, screaming, pounding on it to get his attention. But he couldn’t hear me through the barrier.
“What happened, Shane?” he asked.
I shook my head. “It’s just like I told you. I was taken, chained up, fucked up. Vincent and Nicole worked me over. Then Halliwell took his turn. I had some brain damage after Vincent and Nicole bashed my head in. That was lucky. It was the only thing that kept me from spilling what I knew about SmokeScreen. Somehow, Red got me out. I’m not even quite sure how. I’m still alive. That’s all I can say. And I don’t really want to dwell on it right now.”
“You can’t just grit your teeth and pretend it never happened.”
“Watch me,” I said.
His jaw tightened. “Shane. For fuck’s sake?—”
“We are not having this conversation. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.”
Ethan let out a sigh. “Fine. But I killed some of the people who took you, by the way. So did Freya, and Jed, and Kat, and the Drakes. Even Holly got in a couple of good licks. We’d do anything to help you. So try to keep track of who you’re really pissed at. We don’t deserve it. I’m sorry we didn’t rescue you. I’m jealous of this girl for doing all the heavy lifting. Grateful as hell, yes. But I still wish it had been me.”
I nodded. “I’m not pissed. I’m just… like this, now. I don’t want to be, but I am. Don’t know how to be any other way. At least not yet. I’m just… you know.”
Locked behind a wall of glass.
“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I mean, of course, I can’t really know. But I can imagine.”
“No,” I said. “You can’t. Be glad that you can’t.”
He nodded. “If you say so.”
“Look, Ethan,” I blurted. “I’m sorry. Truth is, I’m still not even sure this is real. I’m not convinced you’re here at all. I’ve hallucinated you before, more than once. Maybe I’m dying, and this is some wishful end-of-life fantasy. Maybe I’m just having a psychotic break. I just can’t relax into it. I just don’t dare. So don’t take it personally.”
“Gotcha,” he said. “Maybe when Halliwell is finally dead, you can relax into this dimension of reality. It’s a good dimension. You’re going to like it. Eventually.”
I flexed my hands, trying to breathe out the tension in my chest. “I hope so,” I said. “I don’t want Holly to see me like this.”
“You can’t put that off,” Ethan warned. “She’s on her way here, right now, and she’s wild to see her daddy. So whatever complicated stuff that you’re feeling or not feeling right now, you have to pull your shit together and put on a good show for her. The rest of us can be patient and understanding. Not her.”
“Understood.”
“And think about what Demiguel said,” Ethan scolded. “Going to the hospital to get checked out by the doctors is pretty damn basic, Shane. You know it’s the smart thing to do.”
