Page 57 of Master of Chaos


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My jaw sagged. “For real? Think back over the past eight hours! Was there a good moment for a blow-by-blow debrief?”

“It just seems improbable. That this woman turned her colors on the spot. Convenient for you, right?”

I thought about Jana’s haunted eyes, her swollen jaw. The grief in her reddened eyes and gaunt face. “It wasn’t on the spot. It was a long time coming. You’re not the only one Halliwell has hurt, Shane. He has a long history of destroying people. Lots of people hate him independently of you. You have to take a number and get in line.”

He grunted. “Fine. But as soon as you’ve gotten a good night’s sleep, I’d like a… how did you put it? A blow-by-blow debrief. Every piece of information you can give us might help, once we go on the offensive.”

That made my body clench in alarm. “I despise the man with every cell in my body, but I don’t want to go to war with him. I just want to save my little sister.”

“You won’t have a choice. Not if he goes to war with you.”

God, how exhausting this was. My mother had told me all my life, and I still hadn’t understood how destructive being near Halliwell would be. But this was no time for a pity party. “I’ll do whatever I have to do,” I said grimly.

He let out a harsh laugh. “Yay for you. That’s the spirit.”

“You think this is funny?”

“Gallows humor,” he said.

“You’re not on the gallows.” My voice was intense. “You’re home, Shane. Surrounded by smart, strong, powerful people who love you. Your circumstances have changed. You should let them in. Let it all in. You can afford to.”

He was silent for a moment. “I wish I could feel it,” he said. “But I can’t.”

“You’ve only been here for a couple of hours. Give it time.”

“We don’t have time. It’s all happening right now.”

I reached out, placing my hand on top of his. “I know how you feel. I can’t believe that this is happening, either. It seems like a dream. Having Reggie here, asleep on a soft bed with clean sheets and fleece pajamas. Safe, well fed, happy. With me.”

He nodded, staring down at my hand. I turned it, palm up. His fingers closed around mine, and a shudder of excitement stole my breath.

“One thing feels extremely real, though,” I said softly.

He didn’t need me to name it. He just nodded. “Yes,” he said. “Same.”

His laconic words set off fireworks deep inside my body. “So?” I prompted.

“Is that why you came in here?” he asked. “So I could make you feel real?”

His words stung, like he was accusing me of using him. I pulled back at my hand. “Not if you’re not into it,” I said. “Don’t do me any favors.”

“I’m always into it, if it’s you,” he said. “Don’t get mad. You want real, you get real. I’m not tiptoeing around anybody’s tender feelings right now. I couldn’t if I wanted to. And with you, the truth just falls out of me.”

I nodded. I wished I could tell him all of my truths. It felt wrong to hold anything back.

“Hey,” he said. “Speaking of truth falling out. This afternoon, at the cabin. I came inside of you. We didn’t talk about it at the time. Is it a problem?”

“No,” I assured him. “A couple years ago, I got an implant. It was for a brief thing that went nowhere, because right about then Mom started getting sick. So I basically forgot about the guy. And the implant, too, for that matter.”

“Ah. Okay.” I sensed his relief, and the anticipation that suddenly buzzed the air.

He still wouldn’t let go of my hand. “Tell me exactly what you want from me, Red,” he said. “I don’t trust myself to read nonverbal cues right now.”

My hand tightened around his. “Let me make you feel real.”

His breathing quickened. The air felt hot, charged. “Reggie’s sleeping soundly?”

“Like a rock,” I told him.

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