AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Getting Out
I sat in the passenger seat and gave Alastair directions, silently cursing myself for asking for his help, even though Esther had all but made me, because even if my mom wasn’t there, he’d see where I’d been spending my life before we’d met…and it wasn’t pretty.
Why I’d ever thought it was a good idea to show my brand-new boyfriend, who had a beautiful heritage home in Old Ottawa South and a job that paid him really good money, the ratty bungalow that my mom and I had shared for eighteen years, was anyone’s guess. I supposed I hadn’t really considered what it would mean, Esther’s demand notwithstanding.
A huge wave of relief hit me when I saw the empty driveway.
“This is it,” I said, a blush of shame and humiliation creeping into my cheeks. “You can probably wait in the car, though.”
Alastair gave me a strange look.
Esther said, “Toby…”
As soon as the car stopped, I got out and headed to the front step. I felt weird and sick to my stomach. I’d been living in a different world the past few weeks, dating Alastair, and enjoying the kinky life. But this was what I’d known for too long to think about. This was what I was used to. My two separate lives crashing together made me queasy, and I wondered which was the real one.
My fingers shook as I slipped the key into the deadbolt and turned it, relieved that she hadn’t changed the locks. She was a very unpredictable person, and I was nervous just being here.
I closed my eyes for a second, praying that the house wasn’t the disgusting shambles I thought it might be. Then I pushed the door open.
The others had followed me without a word, but they waited as I went in and took a look around.
It wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. At least, the living room wasn’t too gross. It looked like she had tidied it up to an extent, or at least maintained what I had done when I’d last gone through it. There was a glass half filled with either water or vodka on the coffee table and a couple of candy wrappers, but that was it.
My panic subsided, and I looked back at my crew. “I don’t know how much of a mess this place is gonna be.”
Alastair gave me a sympathetic look. “It doesn’t matter. You’re leaving.”
I nodded curtly. “Right. Come on.”
I led the way past the kitchen but glanced in as we passed. Sure enough, dishes were piled up beside the sink, the faucet was dripping, and there was a smell like soured milk suffusing the place.
It’s fine. It’s okay.
If I kept repeating that to myself, maybe I’d believe it.
I hadn’t worried about my room, because I’d left it in a tidy state. The thought that she might have gone in there and fucked with my stuff hadn’t even occurred to me until I opened the door and saw the bed unmade, the pillow on the floor and papers and books strewn around.
“Fuck,” I said.
I stood there, embarrassed and angry and hopeless as I looked at the disaster my room was now. A hand landed on my shoulder and Esther spoke.
“His mom did it. Toby’s room never looks like this. Toby is neat and clean and responsible with his things, for your information. His mom, on the other hand, is a selfish, slovenly bitch with a drug problem.” I glanced back at Esther, my savior. I was so thankful that she was explaining everything, so I didn’t have to. But also super embarrassed and ashamed of where I was from.
She held up her hand to forestall comments. “And I know she needs help and so does Toby, and we’ve begged her to get help so many times. But she won’t, and she continues to deny there’s any problem at all, because in her messed-up mind, the problem is Toby.”
I didn’t know if I really wanted Esther to lay it all out likethatin front of Alastair, but by this point I’d stopped caring—or I’d pushed the part that cared so far down into the pit of my stomach I couldn’t feel it anymore.
“I need to clean up,” I said, because it was an automatic response to a mess, and how the hell was I gonna find anything I needed with it like this?
“No, you don’t,” Esther said, pushing past me and going into the room. “Alastair, why don’t you and Lev go to Tims and get donuts and coffee? Toby and I’ll figure this out while you’re gone.”
I could have kissed her for taking charge, because there wasn’t anything left in me to do it. I felt lost and confused and unsure about everything. I was, technically, still living here. Maybe my mom was right, and fucking off without a word to her had been irresponsible and immature.
I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands.
“We’ll be back soon,” Alastair said. “Lev?”
Then he and Lev were gone, and it was just me and Esther.
