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Despite the noise and the distance between us, I can hear her gasp as she finally sees me, or maybe I’m just so in tune with her now that the agony in her tone just spears right through my chest.
I slowly turn and lift my gaze to hers, making a point not to linger on her body. She wouldn’t want that. It’s clear in the way she tries to cover herself, hiding the body from me that I’d just had my hands all over, my fingers buried deep inside, and my mouth roaming over those sweet nipples. But something tells me that’s a gift I’ll never receive again.
Regret rests heavily on my shoulders. How could I let it get this far? She’s never going to forgive me, and she shouldn’t. Last week was sheer coincidence, but tonight . . . This was a clear betrayal. A violation of her trust, and I’m fucking disgusted with myself.
“I . . . I don’t understand how this happened,” she says, shaking her head.
I inch toward her, my gaze not moving from hers as she stands there and watches me with the greatest sadness. Tears well in her eyes and slowly roll down her cheeks. She fucking hates me. “Aspen, I . . . I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I never intended for it to happen this way, and when I figured out the girl from last week was you, I just . . . I’m sorry. You have to know how fucking sorry I am.”
“You’re sorry?” she scoffs, her voice breaking with despair. “You wereinsideof me, Izaac. You took my virginity, and then you let me walk right back in here without saying a goddamn word. You’re supposed to be my family. You’re supposed to protect me from the people who want to use me like you just did. Isn’t that why you told Austin about my date today, or was it just so you could take advantage of me yourself?”
“Fuck, Aspen. It’s not like that. I just—I’m so fucking sorry. This isn’t how I thought it would turn out.”
She scoffs again, only this time, the heavy tears streaming down her face have her voice breaking into a million little pieces. “So what then? When the receptionist called and said that I was here, what were your intentions when you told her to send me down here? Were your intentions to fuck me again and hope that I’d never figure it out? To come by my parents’ home and smile and laugh with me like you hadn’t been inside of me? To drink with my brother like you hadn’t betrayed his trust?”
I swallow hard over the lump forming in my throat, never having felt such raw hatred of myself in my life. She’s right. She’s supposed to be family. I’ve always sworn to protect her, and now, I’m the one she needs protection from.
Only it’s so much worse than that because all I’ve been doing is thinking about what I wanted from her, but what about her? This is more than just sex for Aspen. She’s been in love with me for years, and a betrayal like this isn’t something she can just shake off. I’m breaking her fucking heart.
Aspen looks away, breaking the hold she has over me, and when the next words fall out of her mouth, I fucking crumble. “Get out,” she begs.
“Aspen, please. Hear me out,” I say, searching out her stare only to realize she can no longer look at me. “We can talk this through. Just give me a chance to explain.”
“OUT! I don’t want to see you.”
The pieces of my soul shatter, and all I can do is hang my head as I turn and walk to the door, each step feeling so fucking wrong. Reaching for the door, I pull it open when her soft tone cuts through the heaviness. “Izaac,” she says, her voice so fucking broken, it kills me. I turn back, catch her eyes, and wait for whatever she needs to say. “Since I was a little girl, I always thought there was nothing you could do or say that would make me not love you, even over these past few years when you’ve purposefully made it clear that nothing could ever happen between us. You were the sun in my sky, and I always thought that what I felt for you was impenetrable, but I was wrong because never in my whole life could I have thought you were capable of hurting me like this. Don’t ever talk to me again, Izaac. I hate you.”
I nod, and with that, I walk out of the private room, listening as she crumbles to the ground in agony. Her sobs fill the space behind me, and as I close the door between us, my whole fucking world burns to ashes at my feet.
15
IZAAC
Asmile stretches across my face as I walk through the construction zone otherwise known as Austin’s restaurant. His renovations were finally approved, and the second he could, he put his team to work.
It’s been a long fucking road getting to this point, and now that everything’s starting to come together, I’ve never seen him so proud.
Right now, it looks like a fucking mess. They’re still in the demolition stage, but by the end of the week, it’ll start taking shape, and Austin will be right back on track for his grand opening in the fall.
He shows me around, pointing out the issues my architect was able to rectify, and as I take it all in, I do my best to appear excited. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so fucking thrilled for him, but there’s also a heaviness that has been weighing me down since the night Aspen told me she never wanted to speak to me again, and it’s really starting to fuck with me. I can’t concentrate, can barely work, and pretending as though her heartbreak doesn’t mean anything to me is getting harder by the day.
I’ve never had to pretend to be happy for Austin before, I’ve always had his back and have always celebrated his achievements just as he’s done for me, but today, I’m struggling. I’m just grateful that he’s so caught up in his restaurant build that he doesn’t seem to notice the way my smile falls flat.
It’s been a little over two weeks since I shattered Aspen’s heart, and she’s made it crystal fucking clear that she meant every word she said—she never wants to see me again. She blocked my calls and texts, even on social media. I’ve tried knocking on her door and sitting outside her apartment for hours on end, just begging for the opportunity to talk to her, to try and earn her forgiveness, but it won’t happen. I’ve fucked up the dynamics of our relationship, and it won’t be long before Austin realizes something is up.
It’s driving me insane.
It was never my intention to hurt her or betray her trust, but now that I have, the guilt is eating me alive.
I need to make this better, need to know that she forgives me, and if that means never getting to touch her again, then I’ll find a way to deal with that.
All of this has me so fucked up. Hell, she’s been right there all along, and now that she can’t stand to look at me, I’ve never wanted to be in her life more. I’ve never realized just how much comfort there was in knowing she was there, even as nothing more than a friend or Austin’s little sister, but now that she’s gone, it’s as though a big chunk of my soul has been torn away. Whether we were ever going to be something or not, I’ve always loved her. Like she said, she’s family, and that means something to me.
If only I hadn’t been so fucking blind to it before.
Plastering on a fake smile, I let Austin take me around the whole restaurant, pointing out where everything is going to go, despite having looked at the plans a million times before. He shows me exactly where his chefs will work, where his industrial fridge will be installed, and the exact path his runners will take to deliver food from the kitchen to his guests.
With every word that tumbles from his mouth, his pride shines even brighter, and by the time he starts talking about his menu, I almost forget how much of an asshole I am.
