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“I kinda went back to Vixen the week after we went.”
“YOU DID WHAT? WITHOUT ME?” she demands. “Who even are you right now?”
I fix Becs with a hard stare, my brow arching. “Can I talk without you freaking out?”
“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters.
“Okay, so the week after we went, I was trying to move on. I really was,” I tell her, knowing she’s bound to comment on that. “That night at Vixen left me so . . . I was horny, okay? Really fucking horny. So, I downloaded Tinder and matched with this guy, and we were going to go out, but he showed up at my door and practically forced himself on me. He was only interested in fucking me, so I kicked him out, but—”
“Wait,” she cuts in, holding up a finger when I go to call her out for it. “Have I taught you nothing? Since when do you tell strangers on the internet where you live? Are you insane?”
I roll my eyes and fix her with a hard stare. “Trust me. I learned that lesson already. Besides, Austin has already grilled me for that.”
“And so he should.”
“Do you want to hear what happened or not?” She makes a show of zipping her lips, and I take a deep breath to continue. “So, the night of the failed Tinder date, I was frustrated because the stranger from Vixen had opened me up to a whole new world, and despite my efforts, I couldn’t scratch the itch he left behind. So without even thinking about it, I jumped in my car and took off.”
“We are going to have words about this,” she tells me.
“Believe me, I know,” I tell her. “But anyway, you know how when you’re there and the music is so loud you can barely hear anything? Well, when I was with him, his lips were right at my ear, so when he said something, I heard him clearly and recognized his voice immediately.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. I mean, I probably would have been fine if it turned out that he didn’t know it was me, and granted, he didn’t . . . the first time. He figured it out at Mom’s birthday lunch, right before we went out to Pulse, so by the time I showed up for the second time, he knew exactly who I was, and despite everything, he still touched me.”
“Woah. That’s kinda huge.”
“No. Huge is the size of his cock,” I say with a smirk. “Not to mention, it’s pierced.”
Her jaw almost hits the ground. “Bullshit. Izaac Banks is rocking the bling? Fucking hell, you lucky little whore. I’ve been dying to tick a cock piercing off my bucket list and have never been that lucky. How is it?”
My cheeks flush. Just the thought of how that piercing makes me feel causes a warm swelling deep in the pit of my stomach. “It’s incredible. Izaac is . . . fuck, Becs. Everything with him is incredible.”
She shakes her head as if needing a second to take it all in. “I’m assuming this is why you were a raging bitch for two weeks straight.”
My lips twist into a cringe. “Guilty,” I tell her. “It was one hell of a shock realizing it was him in that room, and so I screamed at him a little. I felt betrayed and dirty and like he’d taken something from me that I wasn’t ready to give, you know? I was prepared to lose my virginity to a complete stranger and that’s what I was content with, and finding out it was him who knew all these things about me . . . I don’t know. I kinda spiraled for two weeks, and now that I’ve had a chance to reflect on it, I think what really gutted me was that even after being with me and how amazing it was, it didn’t change a thing. He still didn’t want me, and I had to swallow the pill that I’d never be enough for him. But anyways, he showed up at my door and refused to leave until we talked it out, and he wanted a way to make it up to me because he felt like shit, and before I could even think about what I was saying, I offered him an ultimatum.”
Becs narrows her gaze. “Oh shit,” she says, picking up her pacing again. “Please tell me you didn’t say what I think you said.”
I swallow hard. “I, uhhh . . . maybe suggested he could teach me the limits of my body behind Austin’s back, orrrrrrrr,” I say, dragging it out. “I could find someone else who would.”
Becs crumbles back to the grass. “Oh thank fuck,” she says. “So it’s over then?”
“Uhh no.”
“WHAT?” she shrieks, her eyes widening like saucers. “Tell me that asshole didn’t agree to that shit? Holy shit, Aspen. How could you be so stupid? It’s one thing fucking him by accident, but knowingly going there with him is going to kill you. You’re never going to be able to move past him now, and I’m sorry, but he’s never going to want you the way you deserve. Are you really sure this is a good idea?”
“No,” I admit, willing myself not to cry. “But whether I’m risking my heart or not, don’t I deserve to have incredible sex? Nobody can make me feel the way he does, Becs. And what if this is my chance? What if he’s suddenly seeing me as a grown woman instead of Austin’s little sister?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “I think it’s too risky, and you’re opening yourself up to get hurt.”
“Perhaps,” I breathe, my shoulders slumping as I distantly notice that my shirt is nearly dry. “But he also told me that when he’s inside of me, it’s never been so good for him. We’re compatible like that.”
She presses her lips into a hard line, clearly seeing that she won’t change my mind on this. “Okay,” she finally says. “If you’re sure you can handle it, then I’ll support your decision to go down this road, but just know that if shit hits the fan, I’ll be right here.”
A smile pulls at my lips, and a huge weight lifts off my shoulders. “Oh, thank God,” I breathe, crushing into her and wrapping my arms around her slim body.
“So, you two have really been . . .?”
