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But she didn't have any regrets, at least not yet.Frowning at that thought, she pushed away the feeling of foreboding.It didn't matter what came next.She wouldn't trade making love with Nick for anything.He'd been impatient and urgent at times, but also slow and savoring in a way that drove her crazy.He'd thrown her off-balance and kept her there, which was a rare experience for her.She liked to control the pace of sex, the way things were happening, but sometimes her brain got in the way of just being in the moment.That hadn't happened last night.Nick had taken the lead, and she'd let him, because his lead was really, really good.
As his arms tightened around her, he murmured, "Morning, beautiful."
She turned over to face him, dislodging his arms around her, but he immediately put them back as he gave her a smile.
"How's the head?"
"A lot better.You cured me."
He laughed."You cured me, too.Just what the doctor ordered."
She smiled back at him."Somehow, I don't think that's what the doctor ordered when he told us both to get to bed early and rest."
"We followed part of that order," he said as he gave her a long, slow kiss.
She loved the feel of his mouth on hers, the way his fingers ran down her bare back, evoking all sorts of hot memories from the night before.But her brain was starting to kick in."You have to stop doing that, or we're never going to get out of bed."
"I can think of worse things."
"Like going to see my mother."
"What will that be like?"he asked, giving her a thoughtful look."Will there be screaming?Or will it be cold, quiet, awkward, uncomfortable tension?"
"Maybe all the above."She paused, searching for the right words."I don't hate her, Nick.I just had to stop loving her so much because it was too difficult."
He propped himself up on one elbow as his gaze narrowed."Because she trusted the wrong man and ended up in jail?"
"That was the biggest mistake.Or maybe the second biggest mistake."
"What would have been the first?"
"Having unprotected sex with a man who didn't want to be a father and having a baby when she was twenty-one, with no money, no family support."
"That must have been rough."
"She tried to be a good mom.She was fun when I was little.She was so young herself that she would play games with me all the time.But she had to work, too, and that meant that I was on my own.Still, that time in my life was better than when she got married.We moved into a nicer house, and I had a bigger bedroom.But she was around even less, and it wasn't because she was working, it was because of Gary.She wanted to be the perfect wife.She completely changed everything about herself to do that.She wasn't fun anymore.She wasn't spontaneous.She didn't pick me up from school and say let's go have an adventure like she did when I was little.It was all about entertaining, exercising and looking good for Gary, dressing right, and making sure I wasn't causing any problems."
"You—cause problems?"he teased.
She made a face at him."I wasn't that bad.I just hated watching her fade away.But she wouldn't listen to me.She did not want to hear what I had to say, and then her fairytale completely unraveled.She was shamed and dropped by her friends when the truth came out about Gary and the fraud she was helping him perpetuate.It was awful and got worse when she went to prison while I was trying to finish high school."
"What about after she got out?What happened then?Did you move back in together in Chicago?"
"I was at NYU when she was released.I'd gotten a partial scholarship and was working, too.My grandmother helped us both.She sent my mother money so she could rent a studio apartment in Chicago.There wasn't room for me there, and, honestly, I didn't want to see her.I was angry."
"That's understandable."
"One year turned into the next, and we'd text occasionally.She'd call every now and then.On school vacations, I'd go to a friend's house or just stay in New York.I didn't see her for several years, not until my college graduation.She was supposed to come with my grandmother.But she brought a date, a man who talked a lot about AA, how he'd gotten sober six months earlier, and how he'd spent time in jail after a DUI.I guess they had that in common.He was trying to change his life, but all I saw was another loser.After that, I told myself I just didn't have to care about her anymore.But it kept bothering me.His history—her history.She was going down another bad road, this time with someone who seemed unstable."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing right away.I waited too long.It was almost two years after that graduation party before I made it back to Chicago to see them.I got in a day early, and I found them both drunk.I had to get him into rehab and my mother back on her feet.By the time I returned to New York, I'd lost my job.I had to start over.All because of her bad choices.After that, I was done.I couldn't be a part of her drama.I'd occasionally text her back if she said hello, but I didn't want to know anything else.That probably sounds selfish."
"You needed to protect yourself.I can see why loving her is hard."
"I feel bad that I don't do more for her sometimes," she confessed."I am her daughter.And I want her to be okay.I hope the move here is a good one.When I heard about it, I didn't know what to think.Maybe my grandmother is right.Coming back to Italy will remind my mother of who she was, who she once wanted to be.Hopefully, it's not too late for her to be happy."
"I don't think it's too late for her to be happy or for you to reconnect with her."
