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The longer he remained silent, the wider his friend’s eyes got. “You and Tess? Holy smokes, man. What’re you thinking?”
“There wasn’t a whole lot of thinking involved,” he admitted. “Neither of us meant to end up in my hotel room together but—”
“At the party?” Thatch slapped his forehead. “Are you fucking kidding me, Beck? Right under Aiden’s nose? He’s going to kill you. He’s literally going to use his bare hands to kill you.”
“He’s not gonna find out.” They’d had a close call a few minutes ago, and he wouldn’t make that mistake again. He’d promised Tess no one would ever know their secret. Silas pulled off the gloves and tossed them onto the weight bench that completed their small workout area. “This is why I’m taking this assignment. I can’t even be around her anymore without giving myself away.” He couldn’t stand alone with her for five minutes without giving in to the craving to taste her lips again. Instead of his feelings going away like he thought they would if he kept denying them, the urge to be with her only got stronger.
“You’ve gotta tell Aiden. He’s gonna find out.” His friend kneaded his temples the way he always did when he got stressed. “Jesus. I can’t believe you slept with Tess, of all people. You know everyone’ll find out. Hell, Lyric and Kyra both probably already know everything.”
Silas sank to the bench. He hadn’t thought about that. “You really think she told them?”
“Hell yes.” Thatch sat beside him. “IfIfigured it out, then they know for sure. They’re her best friends.”
But if they were Tess’s best friends, they weren’t going to go giving up her secrets to everyone. “I’m not telling Aiden.” He and Aiden had already had enough trouble between them this month. “First of all, it’s none of his damn business. He’s not in charge of Tess.” She could sleep with whoever she wanted to sleep with. Even Brad if she chose. Just the thought of that made him want to put those boxing gloves back on and spend another hour hitting the bag. “And second of all, Tess and I spent one night together. That’s it. End of story.” He wouldn’t tell Thatch about the kiss he and Tess had just shared outside.
“Do you care about her?” Thatch asked the question as though he already knew the answer.
“Of course I care about her.” He couldn’t say for sure when his feelings had crossed over the boundaries of their friendship. He’d be lying through his teeth if he said That Night was the first time he’d felt attracted to her. There had been other moments that had caught him off guard during the last year. And now that he’d acted on that attraction, things were only getting worse.
“It doesn’t matter.” He pushed off the bench and went to his desk where he’d left the mountain of paperwork he had to turn in for his new endeavor. “I have no idea how to be a dad. I’m not sure I ever want to be a dad.” And Morgan and Willow had to be the most important thing in Tess’s life. In her life and in the life of whoever she fell in love with. He wouldn’t want anything less for them.
Thatch wandered back to his desk. “I have no idea how to be a dad either. But that won’t stop me from trying someday.”
Yeah, well, he didn’t want to try and fail. The stakes were too high. “I didn’t have a father. I don’t even know what it means to be a father.” Thatch had one of those idyllic childhoods—all warm chocolate chip cookies from his mom after school and tossing the football with his dad in the yard and taking fun family vacations to the beach. He was still close to both of his parents.
“Seems to me that being a father is something you figure out as you go along.” His friend sent a folded paper airplane flying at him. “Knowing everything up front isn’t a requirement. You didn’t know everything before you became a SEAL, did you?”
“I didn’t knowanythingbefore I became a SEAL.” Those experiences had taught him about life, about dedication, about perseverance, about pain, about sacrifice. And maybe he could learn how to be a dad eventually. Maybe he could be good at parenting if he tried. But there was another reason he couldn’t be with Tess. “I could never be good enough. Jace was the best.”
Thatch froze. Yeah, it was pretty rare that any of them mentioned Jace. They didn’t like to talk about him.
“He’s gone, Silas,” his friend finally said. “I hate it too, but the fact is, Jace isn’t coming back.”
“But Tess and the girls have already had the best there is.” Silas flipped through the paperwork he’d filled out earlier and signed his name on the line, indicating that all of the information he’d included in his background check and application was accurate. He didn’t have to sign it now, but that was easier than watching his friend’s reaction. “I could never live up to the man that he was. And I already know I wouldn’t be the one he chose for them.”
“Youcan’tknow that,” Thatch countered, his glare intensifying. “Jace would want Tess to be happy, bottom line. That’s all he would want. He’d want her to be happy and taken care of.”
“I can’t make her happy.” He’d never even had a relationship last for more than a few weeks. “You know me. I don’t do relationships. I’ll find a way to screw it all up. I’ve only lived one kind of life—moving around, finding the next mission, the next excitement, the next challenge.”
“That’s a cop-out.” Thatch stood and walked to Silas’s desk, standing across from him. “You can’t say you’ll screw it up before you even try.” His friend planted his palms on the surface of Silas’s desk and leaned in. “You’re afraid. That’s what this is. You can go hunt down terrorists in the Middle East but you won’t even take a risk on a woman you care about.”
Silas lurched to his feet, hands tightening into fists. “She’s too good. You got that? I won’t risk hurting her. I won’t risk her heart.” As promised, he’d help her find Legacy’s assailant and then he would give her space.
He would always protect Tess. Even from himself.
It had been much too long since Tess enjoyed a whole evening alone with Morgan. But with Willow spending the night at a friend’s house, she’d found the perfect opportunity to reconnect with her eldest.
Loosening her hold on Dreamer’s reins, Tess followed her daughter up the switchbacks leading to the high meadow, marveling at how far Morgan’s riding skills had come over the last year.
“Bravo really responds to you,” she said, steering Dreamer alongside her daughter’s horse. “You two are so in tune with each other.”
“He’s the best horse in the whole world.” Her daughter patted his rump. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
A brief pain twinged through Tess’s heart. Bravo had been Jace’s gift to Morgan not long before he’d passed away, and now her daughter and the horse had a special bond. Jace had spent hours with the two of them, teaching Morgan how to ride, how to connect with the horse. Little had he known at the time, he was giving his family yet another beacon of light to lead them forward after his death.
“Your dad would be so proud of you, honey girl.” Her tears made the landscape glimmer. She didn’t remind Morgan of that fact enough. “Heisproud of you.” She could feel him still, his heart beating through hers, swelling with the same pride she had for her daughters.
“I really miss him.” Morgan stopped Bravo and peered at Tess, her eyes bright with tears too. “Every time I come up here, I remember how much I miss him. But it doesn’t hurt like it used to.”
