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“She’s better now.” Tess glanced in through the living room window. “She fell asleep on the couch watching a movie.” She leaned against the house with a sigh. “The thought of people shooting a gun up there really terrorized her.”
“I can imagine.” The thought of her and Tess being so close to the gunfire terrorized him. “I won’t let this go. I promise. I’m going to take a daily ride up there from now on, keep an eye on things until Natalie finds the people responsible.” They’d talked about the possibility of starting a patrol at the meeting, but they hadn’t had a chance to coordinate yet. That would change today.
The glow from the setting sun lit her eyes. “Will Natalie find the people responsible?”
He had to believe she would. Or he wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. “It’s not every day you see an older model white UTV with a purple stripe.” Hell, he knew he’d be watching the trails and roads. “If they live around here, they shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
Tess sat down on the top step. “I set up a community meeting here for Sunday night. I invited everyone who wrote their email address down at the café.”
Though he thought better of it, he sat next to her. “That’s a good idea. Now that we have a description of the vehicle, everyone should be on the lookout. I’m guessing other people will help with patrols too.”
“I think so.” Tess crossed her arms tightly over her chest as if she was chilled. “Hey, Silas… um… about our…conversationthe other day. In Legacy’s pen…”
Without warning, he was hit with a memory of the second she pressed her lips to his and rendered him helpless. “That wasn’t much of a conversation.”
A pinkish hue bloomed on her cheeks. “Um, right. I suppose there wasn’t much talking.” She cleared her throat. “The thing is… you can’t go back to that place, to that life. It’s too dangerous and I… I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to be gone for however many months the mission will take.”
“Why not?” Damn, there was nothing more dangerous than looking into Tess’s eyes. He could lose himself there real easily.
“Because the girls will miss you,” she half whispered. “You’re a part of our family. You and Thatch. You’re important to them. I don’t want them to lose someone else they care about that way.”
Right. She wanted him to stay for the girls. He beat back disappointment and stood so he could escape this conversation. “I’m careful, Tess. I’m very good at what I do. And I’ll still be a part of their family. Even when I’m gone. I’ll be there for them however I can.”Walk away now.Before it was too late. “It’s been a long day. I should get home. I’ll see you at the meeting—”
“I’llmiss you,” Tess cut him off and leapt to her feet. “Damn it, Silas. Don’t you understand? I don’t want you to go becauseI’llmiss you.Ican’t lose you.”
He stopped moving but didn’t turn around. He couldn’t. Once again, his resolve to keep space and distance between them had started to quake dangerously. But he couldn’t give in this time. He couldn’t touch her. He couldn’t kiss her.
Tess came down the rest of the steps and moved into his line of vision. “I try to picture my life without you in it… and I can’t.”
Damn that hope. It kept rising up in him, especially when she looked at him with her eyes ablaze.
“I have feelings for you, Silas.” She was almost whispering now. “But everything would be so complicated. With the girls and with all of our friends and with everyone who knew Jace.” She rested both of her hands on his chest.
No. He couldn’t feel her touch right now. He couldn’t act on impulses that were firing in his body. Silas stepped back. “What do you want, Tess?” And suddenly he knew he would give it to her. Anything she wanted. Whatever she asked for. This woman held all of his strength in her hands.
“I don’t know.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I don’t know. We could see each other secretly. We could be careful and no one would ever have to know. Not the girls or Aiden or our friends…”
The words stung worse than a slap. That was the one thing he couldn’t give her. “We won’t be able to hide. I mean, sure we would be careful around the girls to protect them. But we’d be lying to everyone else.” Star Valley was a small town. They were around their friends all the time. He’d already proven he couldn’t be near her without giving himself away. “We’ll never be free to be together.” He had to accept that.
“We could be.” She was getting frantic now, gesturing with her hands as she spoke. “We could sneak off for weekends together—”
“No.” That hope that had built him up only minutes before crashed. “I won’t do that.”
“So I’m not enough to keep you here. Is that it?” she demanded with a fire in those vivid brown eyes.
“You don’t wantme.” That was the plain truth. “You’d want to keep our relationship a secret. You’d want to hide me from everyone.” Didn’t she understand? That meant she didn’t think he was good enough for her either. “I can’t be with someone who’s ashamed of me.” And he understood. He already knew he wasn’t worthy of her. Why would she want him when she’d already had someone like Jace? “I can’t do what you’re asking me to do. I’ve lived that life before. My own mother was ashamed of me. And I won’t do it again.”
Tess stared at him, wide-eyed, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
She only said that because she didn’t know. No one knew. He’d never told anyone much about his childhood. Not even Thatch and Aiden. But despite all of that, he found himself telling her now. “My mom used to make me hide in my room when she had a man over. She’d get all my stuff out of the living room of our apartment so there was no evidence she had a kid. She didn’t put up any pictures of me on the walls.” He’d thought that was normal until he’d visited one of his friend’s houses once and saw pictures hanging everywhere.
“She told me if I made any noise at all she’d leave me with her parents forever. And believe it or not, my grandparents treated me worse than she did.” His grandpa had a temper and had taken his belt to Silas on more than one occasion. “When I was old enough, I found my way out. Through my career in the Navy, through my training. I built myself a better life. And now I won’t go back to being someone’s dirty secret. I can’t.”
Leaving it at that, he walked away.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Why had she ever agreed to go out to dinner with Brad? With so much on her mind, even hanging out with a friend seemed like a painful prospect right now.
