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“Silas is one of my best friends.” Aiden slowed Recon and let her go ahead as the trail narrowed into switchbacks. “I know he’s a helluva guy.”
“Then what’s the problem?” she demanded, letting her frustration show.
“I was there, Tess.” The words came so quietly she almost didn’t hear them. “I sat with you and I told you about Jace and I watched you fall apart. I watched your heart break right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.” An uncharacteristic emotion strangled her brother’s usually deep tone. “There was nothing I could do to help. Nothing I could do to change that nightmare for you.”
Tess pushed Dreamer up the last switchback and then pulled her to a stop when the ground evened out so she could look at her brother.
He exhaled as though pushing out the emotion and went on. “And then I was there when you told the girls. And I watched their worlds shatter. I couldn’t stop their suffering. I couldn’t make things better for them. I wanted to. I was desperate to. But I was helpless.” He moved his horse past her, leaving her to catch up.
“You were suffering too,” she reminded him. Aiden had watched his best friend die and then he’d struggled with survivor’s guilt. “And we got through the suffering together. You got us through it, Aiden. You and Silas and Thatch. Somehow, we got through that pain together.” And look where they were now. Aiden was getting married to the love of his life. Morgan and Willow were thriving.
And Tess’s heart was opening again.
A breeze whooshed around them, swaying the grasses and the flowers dotting the high meadow.
“He’s leaving. And I don’t want you to have to live through that kind of pain again,” her brother said. “I don’t want the girls to ever experience anything like that again. I know that doesn’t give me the right to choose for you, but the truth is I’m afraid for you.”
The sincerity in his expression drained all of her frustrations away. Yes, Aiden could be clueless sometimes, but her brother had a huge heart. “None of us know when we’ll have to face losing someone we love. But now I also know there’s healing on the other side. And I know love is worth whatever it costs. Loving Jace was worth everything I lost, everything I went through.”
She spotted her husband’s memorial glistening in the sun down by the pond and turned Dreamer in that direction. “I would marry Jace all over again, even knowing I would lose him. Because he gave me so much.” They’d shared more than she ever dreamed they could’ve even though they weren’t given a whole lifetime together. And now she was ready to share her heart with someone else. “I think I could love Silas someday too.” She hadn’t dared to think these feelings would be possible for her again.
“Okay then,” her brother said, trailing behind her. “Just know that Silas has always found his purpose in serving the greater good. That’s why he signed up for this mission. Fighting for good is what drives him.”
“And I love that about him.” He didn’t fight for himself. He fought for other people. He believed in the greater good, even after the way he’d grown up being cast aside. When it came to hard times, she knew he’d fight for her and the girls too.
Dreamer stopped to munch on some clover near the sandy edge of the pond, so Tess dismounted and walked to the bronze marker.
“So you’re fine with him going on this assignment with Fletch?” Aiden joined her there and used his shirt to wipe smudges off the surface.
Tess let the question sit for a few seconds. “I can’t say I’mfinewith it. No.” Even though Silas had told her it wasn’t as dangerous as his other missions, she knew what could happen. “But I won’t ask him to give up that part of himself either. Not if that’s what he feels he needs to do.” She cared for him. She wanted him to be fulfilled and passionate about what he did with his life.
“And what about the girls?” he asked carefully, as though he knew he was overstepping again. “How are they going to handle all of this?”
“I don’t know.” Like she’d told him before, she didn’t have all of the answers. “But I do know I don’t want to hide my feelings for much longer.” She didn’t want to waste too much time. “I’m ready. I’m ready to open my heart and live again. And that will be good for them to see.”
Tess carefully withdrew the letter she always kept in her pocket, unfolding it slowly, smoothing out the creases. These were the most precious words she’d ever received—her husband’s last words to her, especially the part about Morgan and Willow.
My beautiful Tess,
Hopefully you’ll never have to read these words, but I had to write them just in case. There is nothing I want more than to spend my entire life with you—loving you, raising our babies with you, growing old with you. But if you’re reading this, that means I’m gone and our life together was cut too short.…
You have to live for both of us now, babe, and that means you’ll have to live big. That means you have to make the most of every opportunity, especially when it comes to love. Love is the only thing in this world worth living and dying for. You and Morgan and Willow taught me that.…
Our girls are watching you, babe. They need to see that love is worth whatever it costs—that it’s worth fighting for over and over and over again, even if you lose it. So I’m telling you to embrace those feelings when they come again. I know they’ll come again because you are brave and passionate and you deserve to be loved.…
Your best days are still ahead of you, my love. Live them to the fullest.
All my love, Jace
“I know Jace wanted you to find someone.” Aiden peered at her over the top of the paper. She’d made him read the letter back when he’d been going through his own struggles with PTSD. “I hate that he’s going back overseas. That won’t change. But if you really feel like Silas is the one, you know I’ll support you. I’ll support you both. I only want you and the girls to be happy.”
She hated that he was leaving too but she wouldn’t ask him to stay. “I am happy.” And she fully believed that Morgan and Willow would be happy to have Silas become a bigger part of their lives eventually too. She couldn’t hide her heart away and she couldn’t hide the happiness she’d found with Silas from her girls. “It’s terrifying but I think I’m ready.”
He shot her a grin. “Then I promise to get out of the way and stop interfering.”
“Thank you.” Now that they’d settled that, Tess pulled herself back into the saddle and prodded Dreamer to get moving again. “You should tell Silas that too,” she said when Aiden steered Recon alongside her. “I know there’s been some distance between you two lately.” And she didn’t like being the cause of any rifts in their friendship.
“I’ll talk to him again after Kyra and I take the girls to Jackson,” he promised.
