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“Not really.” Most of the difficulty came in figuring out how to act around him now, how to keep the lines from blurring any more than they already had. Despite her best efforts, the time they spent together was slowly erasing certain boundaries that had been her lifelines for years. “I feel like there’s still so much I don’t know about him.” Sometimes she forgot Thatch had had this whole life before becoming a cowboy in Star Valley. He’d lost a best friend on the battlefield. He’d been shot. He had trauma, pain, and regrets too.
“So that’s what’s up, then?” Tess shimmied her hips side-to-side slightly, as if looking for a deeper stretch. “You keep zoning out on me today because you feel like you don’t know your boyfriend well enough?”
“Not exactly.” A heaviness pinned her to the mat. “What changed for you when you started dating Silas? I mean, how did you let go of the pain of losing Jace?” How did everyone else make it look so easy to move on and grow and really embrace life while she stayed still?
Tess took her time answering, the meditative music playing softly in the background. “I’ve never fully let go of it,” she finally said. “Losing Jace is part of me. That time in my life has shaped who I am.”
“But you’ve found love again. You’ve managed to risk your heart, even with everything you lost before.” And that was the one thing Lyric couldn’t seem to do. She couldn’ttake risks when it came to love. Not after having someone crush her when she’d been at her most vulnerable.
“I think Silas and I connected at the right time.” Her friend brought her feet back to the floor and pushed the foam roller away before turning on her side to face Lyric. “At that point, I was ready to step into the strength that my past pain had produced. If that makes any sense.”
“But aren’t you afraid of losing Silas?” Because she was afraid. Not of losing a man but of losing herself to a man, of becoming the unrecognizable helpless woman she’d been when she married Luke.
“There are moments I’m afraid.” Tess’s smile shone in her eyes. “But the other moments—the good moments, the laughing moments, the hugging moments, the joyful moments—are more powerful.”
“I’m not sure I can open myself up to those moments. With anyone.” Lyric sat upright and then reached out her hand to help Tess move into a more comfortable seated position on her mat.
“When you’ve been through something painful, like losing a spouse or getting a divorce, I think it’s normal to want to retreat from ever feeling those emotions again so you can protect your heart.” From anyone else, the words might have come across as a lecture, but Lyric knew how hard-earned Tess’s wisdom was. “Give yourself some time. You and Thatch haven’t been dating too long.”
“We’re not dating,” she blurted. Because she had to tell someone. She had to process her confusion with a rational person.
“What?” Tess studied her. “But I thought—”
“It’s all a lie.” Lyric shielded her face with her hands, her eyes tearing up. “I wanted to pretend we were dating sothe two of us could hang out with Elina and Franco. I’m concerned about her, and I thought if we spent time with them as a couple, I’d be able to tell if something was off. Or if he wasn’t treating her right.”
“Lyric.” Tess pulled her hands away from her face. “You know you don’t have to lie tous.”
“I didn’t mean to.” Everything had snowballed out of control. “It started with letting the girls I’m teaching just assume we were together, and then I didn’t want to tell some people we were and others we weren’t. I thought it would be easier this way.” But she’d complicated everything.
Confusion set into her friend’s features. “And Thatch agreed to this?”
“He has his reasons.” But she couldn’t share them. She’d promised his secret riding career would be safe with her and the least she could do was honor that vow.
“Is his reason because he’s totally head-over-heels in love with you?” Tess’s voice rose, and Lyric quickly shushed her.
“Please don’t tell anyone else about this.” She’d needed someone to know, so she had an ally. But she wasn’t ready to tell Kyra yet. “Thatch isn’t in love with me. He’s pretending.”
“Like hell he is.” Tess’s mouth briefly scrunched with indecision. “Listen to me. That man has had feelings for you for a long time.”
Lyric opened her mouth to argue, but Tess raised a hand between them. “It’ssoobvious. Even to his best friends. Hell, I don’t even know him very well and I can see it.”
Lyric didn’t want to see his feelings. That was thebottom line. Because if she truly acknowledged they were there, she’d have to explore her own feelings for him.
“It can’t be easy for him pretending to be with someone he actually has feelings for,” Tess said gently. “Just be careful. Don’t hurt him—”
The studio door swung open, and Skye, Cheyenne, and Tallie all paraded in.
“Oh!” Lyric shot up to her feet. “Hey, girls.” She’d totally forgotten they’d rescheduled their session during their gym class hour. “Wow, you’re right on time.” And she was so unprepared to teach a class.
“Shoot. I’m going to be late for my date with Silas.” Tess got on her knees, and Lyric rushed to help her stand.
“If you two need more time, we could always just say we did our yoga class and go play video games instead,” Skye said hopefully.
“No, you can’t.” Lyric walked Tess to the door. “I’ll be right back, girls.” She would rally and get herself together and actually accomplish something worthwhile today. “I’m sorry,” she whispered to Tess in the hallway. Hopefully her friend considered it a blanket apology for everything—the crappy session, the little white lie…
“I love you.” Tess hugged her tight. “And I understand more than you think I do.”
“I know.” That was why she’d told her the truth. “You won’t tell Silas, Kyra, or Aiden yet, right?”
