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Fuck me.
I felt like I’d been nailed to the chair. I could do nothing but stare at her and wonder what the hell was happening inside my body right now. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to pull her into my lap and kiss the hell out of her or wrap her in my arms and fucking cry. Jesus, what the hell was happening to me?
I swallowed hard, honestly not sure what to say to that.
“Sorry,” she quickly added, shaking her head at herself. “That probably has more to do with my own bullshit,” she continued. “I’ve had countless people bail on me because of the baggage I carry, and I always told myself I’d never take the people in my life for granted. I know you’re here because of the deal, but still…I don’t hold things like that in.”
“I love that about you,” I said.
“Really?” She laughed. “I used to get punished for speaking freely like that.”
“Your parents?” I asked. She’d mentioned them before, in our initial one-on-one, and I knew they were estranged, but she hadn’t gone into full details on her upbringing.
“Yeah,” she said. “For the longest time, I was afraid to speak, even after I’d moved myself and Brecken out of the house. It took a shit-ton of therapy for me to understand that not everyone would punish me for having an opinion.” She tilted her head. “Of course, the few relationships I did have in those early days of healing didn’t help. I attracted men who made me feel small, men who said I embarrassed them if I colored my hair or said something sassy in public.” She rolled her eyes. “I was stuck in a pattern, I guess. At least that’s what my therapist said.” She shrugged. “Anyway, that’s why I haven’t had a relationship in years and why I never hold anything back anymore.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I said, having to clamp down on the instinct to track her family down and make thempay for what they’d done to her, then the ex-boyfriends. That wouldn’t be helpful to her.
“It’s fine,” she said, even though I knew it was anything but. “I bet you’re so glad you plucked me out of the crowd, huh?” she laughed, pushing away from the table and gathering our plates.
I quickly hopped up, gathering the leftovers to store them in the fridge. “I am,” I said as we made it to the kitchen.
She didn’t turn to look at me as she rinsed the plates before putting them in the dishwasher. She remained not looking at me after she was finished and I’d put the leftovers away, instead electing to look out of the glass doors that led to my balcony that overlooked the city. We were fifty flights up, with nothing but the sparkling city stretching out toward the horizon.
It was a hell of a view, for sure, but I had a feeling she wasn’t looking at me for a reason.
“Hey,” I said, standing next to her and gliding my hand comfortingly along her arm. “Iamglad, Aspen.”
She finally looked away from the view, glancing up at me with shining eyes. “How is that possible?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper. “You could’ve picked anyone, but you somehow managed to find the most baggage-ridden and furthest economical person from your world.”
I furrowed my brow. “And you say I sell myself short? Come on, Aspen, you know better than that.”
“Do I?” she asked, blowing out a breath. “Everything with you is surreal and complicated and extraordinary. I ask myself at least twice a day why I’m here,howI ended up here.”
“I’ve always been honest with you,” I said. “I know we struck a deal, but do you think I did that lightly? I was drawn to you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. And everything since has just gone in my favor, because the person I made a deal with to be my fake girlfriend happened to be pretty fucking awesome.”
She laughed roughly, shaking her head. “There’s that cocky charm again.”
I grinned down at her. “Not charm, just facts.”
She nodded, accepting the compliment even though it looked like a struggle for her, and then she schooled her features. “Okay, then,” she said. “What’s on the agenda for tonight? A club opening? A charity gala? A?—”
“I just wanted to see you,” I admitted, reaching up to smooth my hand over her cheek.
Her lips parted, and she leaned into the touch.
“Is that okay?” I asked, shifting closer to her like a magnet pulled us together.
“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” she whispered.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Everything is getting blurry for me, Aspen.”
“Why?”
“I want you on a level that has nothing to do with the deal we made,” I said, the confession rolling off of my tongue easily, and I knew that was all because of her. She was just so damn easy to be myself with.
“But you haven’t…we were in the same suite all week and you didn’t try…”
“Like I said....” I shifted closer, her body moving with mine as she turned, her back pressed against the glass. “I don’t want to cross any lines you don’t want me to.”
