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“Let me get you some ice for that,” I finally said, finding my voice. If I could count on anything, it was the protective instinct I had for somebody I loved, and despite feeling awful for being the cause of this, my need to make sure his pain was eased outweighed my shame.
“I don't need ice,” Crossland snapped, using a tone he never used with me before.
It made my entire body lock up and tears prick the backs of my eyes.
“I'm sorry about the money?—”
“I don't care about the money,” he cut me off, continuing with his pacing even though I came closer to him. “I care about the fact that tonight's publicity was supposed to be for this hospital and my parents, and it's been replaced with me being unable to control my temper and causing a scene with those lowlifes.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, every word he vented to me making me curl in on myself.
He stopped pacing, looking up at the night sky as he shook his head. “And Bristol,” he said. “She's here. This is going to tarnish her image too.Goddamnit.”
He had every right to be angry. Every right to be saying the things he was, but it didn't stop the pain that radiated through my chest with every word.
None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. His night wouldn’t have been ruined if my parents hadn't found us, and I hated being the cause for so much frustration, so much embarrassment.
I thought I'd moved past that situation in my life. The one where I was worried about embarrassing the people I was with just because of where I came from.
I'd been wrong.
I'd been so fucking wrong.
“I'm sorry,” I said, and absolutely meant it.
My heart was already breaking into pieces, instinct understanding the situation better than my mind did.
“None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me,” I continued, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.
Crossland finally looked down at me, confusion fluttering in his eyes. “Aspen,” he said, almost apologetically. “None of this is about you.”
“Of course it is,” I said, trying my best to swallow the shame making me feel two feet tall. “Don't you get that? Don't you understand that if you were here with somebody like Brynn or Daisy oranyof your other socialite friends that none of this would have happened? The night you’ve been building toward for years came crashing down because ofme.”
Crossland stepped toward me, and I stepped away.
My parents would never stop. Especially now that he'd paid them off to keep himself out of jail tonight. They would never stop coming after him for as long as I stuck around.
And I loved him too much to do that to him.
“Aspen,” he said, worry lining his eyes. “I should have asked you how you were. I should have checked in with you before going off on that tangent. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it about me?—”
“You didn't,” I cut him off, feeling like I was ripping my heart to shreds. “It's me. It's always beenmequestioning how I managed to be lucky enough to be in your world, how I managed to fit into your extravagant lifestyle. Always me questioning if what I'm doing was okay, if it's up to standard. The thing is, I would never be asking those questions if I hadn't been put into those situations.” I shrugged. “But it doesn't matter right? Our time is up anyway, isn't it?”
“Is that how you want to play it?” Crossland asked, looking equal parts shocked and hurt.
I glanced over at the glass door of the hospital, seeing Brecken waiting patiently for me. I swiped at the tears on my cheeks.
“If that's all you have to ask,” I said, my entire body shaking. “Then it looks like it's already played out.”
Crossland flinched at my words, and I hated that his pain radiated right alongside my own. And it took all of the strength I possessed to walk over to the door, grab Brecken, and leave.
CHAPTER 18
Crossland
Ithrew in my chips, some muscle memory inside of me checking the cards I’d been dealt.
I couldn't believe I was sitting here, that Aspen wasn't in the spot she should be, resting in that open space near Daisy, Alex, and Brynn. The girls chatted quietly across the room, everything so incredibly familiar and yet so different at the same time.
