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I shake my head, “Good, glad to hear it. I’m tired of all this bullshit.”
“Once her brother knows, we’ll no longer need you to pretend you’re with Josie, and that Kendra and I are your sidekicks, tagging along to keep you two company when really it’s the other way around.”
I snort. “About fucking time you two got your shit together.”
“You’re right, and now you can go back to hooking up every weekend.” He arches his brow, his lips quirked. Fuck my buddy knows me so well, I guess he can tell I’ve fallen for Josie and is waiting for me to admit it.
“You and Kendra owe me big time for being a part of this ridiculous ruse.” I’m kidding, they don’t. I got more out of this than I ever bargained for. I mean, sure I was doing it to help out my buddy, but I discovered Josie was sweet, and vulnerable and kind and how could I not fall for a girl like that?
A noise sounds behind me and I push off the door and turn to catch a glimpse of someone’s dark ponytail bouncing as they race down the stairs. Was that Josie? My heart jumps into my throat. “Fuck.”
“What?”
I turn back to Dane as he pushes off his bed. “I think that was Josie.”
“Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”
“What if she heard you?” I swallow and try not to panic. If I hurt Josie, I’d never forgive myself. “What if she thinks I was only hanging out with her so you could be with Kendra?”
“You were, weren’t you?” he asks, pushing me to admit how I feel.
“Yes…no…fuck.”
“Shit, buddy, you’ve got it bad, stop denying it or fighting it. Being with her hasn’t fucked with your concentration on the ice, it’s made it better. I knew from the beginning once you got to know her, you’d like her.” Dane pushes past me and walks into the hall. He leans over the rail and glances down the stairs. “You’d better go after her.”
I try to quiet my thundering heart, but can’t. What the fuck have I done? “You think she’ll even talk to me again after that?” I ask, unable to keep my voice from shaking. I shove my hands into my pockets and remove them again, fisting and un-fisting my fingers, my anxiety making me antsy.
“There’s only one way to find out.”
I nod, and hurry to my room. I grab my winter coat and run outside, nearly slipping on the falling snow. I look for footprints, but the snow is coming so fast now, it’s covering all traces of her. I run back upstairs to Dane’s room.
I’m breathless when I ask, “Can you call Kendra, see if she knows where Josie is?”
Dane grabs his phone and calls his girl. They talk for a few minutes, and he hangs up. “Kendra said she was coming here to surprise you with pizza.”
“Fuck, it was her.” Panic grips my stomach and it’s all I can do not to vomit. “I need to find her. Where would she be?” I practically scream, my words all running together as my head throbs.
“It’s snowing. She’s probably going home.”
“Right.”
I turn to go find out. Dane grabs his coat. “I’ll come with you.”
We hop in his car, and I glance up and down the streets. The homes are decorated for the holiday season, and as of right now, with worry racing through my blood, I have zero Christmas spirit. I can’t fucking believe Josie overheard us and now thinks I was using her. We’ve grown so close, and I have no doubt she cares for me as much as I care for her. She must be so fucking hurt. A groan crawls out of my throat.
Dane glances at me. “It’ll be okay, buddy.”
I shake my head, not sure how it will be. We reach Kendra’s place and hurry inside, but Josie is nowhere to be found. We all message her, and I pace as we all wait, but no response comes to any of us.
How can I make this right? How can I prove to her that I love her, and that she’s the most important person in the world to me? She talked to me about always feeling like a supporting cast member, but she’s not to me. She’s the main character, the number one person in my life. How can I prove that now after what she just overheard?
I take in a breath, but can hardly fill my lungs. “I have to go find her.”
Dane and Kendra simply nod, and I step outside. As I run back to the dorm, trying to figure out where I might find Josie, an idea hits. I hurry back to my room and tear open my closet. I find what I’m looking for and grab a black marker. Once I’m satisfied, I message Josie again. When she still doesn’t answer, I wrack my brain. Where would she be?
I head back outside and search the streets. After hours, I go back to the dorm, plop down on my bed, and my stomach is in knots as the hours tick by. Soon enough I fall into a fitful sleep, and I wake to a white winter wonderland outside. I check my phone and a heavy wave of disappointment squeezes the air from my lungs. Christ, where is she? Maybe I’ll find her on campus.
I spend the day searching for her, and skipping my own classes. But she’s nowhere to be found and no one has seen her, not even Kendra. Of course, she’d be mad at Kendra too. Kendra knew Josie liked me and Josie must believe her friend took advantage of that. The only saving grace is that Dane and Kendra thought I’d fall for her in return, and I did.
