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“It’s not a betrayal. He’s gone, Havoc. You can choose to live with his ghost and be alone for the rest of your life, or you can move on and be happy again. I know if it was me, I wouldn’t want my wife to go through her life alone and miserable.”
My heart sank and my stomach churned. I knew he was right. Everything Paolo was saying was what a portion of myself had been telling me all day. It was the old me who couldn’t let go. “Are you married, Paolo?” I needed a minute to talk about something else—anything else.
“Not anymore,” he said, and I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. “She is remarried and I couldn’t be happier for her. Sad, for what I lost, but I’m glad she’s found someone else.”
“That’s sweet.” We sat for a moment with our thoughts. “Do you suppose Nico would be cool with me moving on if he died?”
Paolo barked out a laugh. “I’m not sure he can die, but no, something tells me he wouldn’t be okay with it. I think he’d threaten the devil until he was reinstated on Earth.”
I laughed at the visual of Nico sitting down in hell, threatening to rip off Satan’s balls until the boss of the underworld finally got sick of him and banished him here. “Thanks, Paolo. You helped a lot.” I was still going to have to go through the rest of my grief, and wade through the guilt that would be attached to it, but it was nice to have an outside opinion.
* * *
Before I knew it,I was seated next to Nico again. We were quiet as dinner was served. Talking with Paolo helped immensely and I’d made up my mind. That didn’t mean I had to like it. I didn’t want to stay here. I didn’t want anyone to help me scratch out the names on my hit list. If Nico wasn’t taking the choice out of my hands I would choose to live out my life exactly as Paolo described—alone.
I didn’t have a choice in that, though. The only decision I had was whether I wanted to be a part of taking down the men responsible for my family’s deaths. There was no need for me to dwell on that. It was a resounding yes. All I had to do was give myself over to Nico in order for that to happen.
It chapped my ass that I was in this position. I’d been doing fine on my own and hadn’t asked Nico to interfere. Then again, that man did whatever he wanted, so it wasn’t a surprise he hadn’t bothered to ask.
It’d been two days and the police weren’t knocking on Nico’s door demanding I be released. I had no family and my only friend was told not to expect to hear from me. Any attempt at escape was likely to be thwarted and no one was coming for me.
Nico had ramped up security around his house and Paolo had been my constant companion for the day. He hadn’t assigned Paolo to me so that I’d have a friend, he did it so that I wouldn't escape. I believed him when he said he planned on keeping me here either way.
Paolo was right. If I wanted to finish what I started I’d have to take Nico’s offer. What did it matter what happened to me afterwards? When I started down this path I thought it would lead to death. Who cares where I end up after it's all over?
I wished I could talk to Tony. For years, we’d made all our decisions together. I missed him, not only as a husband, but as the best friend he’d been as well. Of course, if Tony were here to talk to I wouldn’t be in this mess. I’d be at home with him in Texas.
Nico was sitting, silently watching me battle with myself.
“Alright!”
His brows drew together at my sudden outburst. He waited for me to elaborate and I ground my teeth together.
“I’ll take your deal, even though it seems to benefit you more than me,” I grumbled.
He laughed and the gravelly sound had my eyes widening as my belly clenched. Passion sluiced through my veins and I resented that he could make me feel this way.
“I never make deals unless they benefit me.” He cocked his head. “That would be bad business.”
I huffed out a breath and stabbed a piece of fruit on my plate. I popped it into my mouth to keep from commenting further on what I thought about him and his business. Just because I was agreeing to his terms didn’t mean I couldn’t pout about it a little.
“I’m glad you’ve decided to take me up on my offer.”
Shit.His voice had dropped an octave and his eyes were watching me hungrily. I swallowed hard, trying not to choke on the food in my mouth. Hopefully, I hadn’t just made a huge mistake. I didn’t have much choice in the matter before, but I’d just willingly consented to beinghis. I still wasn’t sure what all that’d entail, but I knew enough to realize he’d probably be spending the night with me in that big bed of his.
I put my fork down. Nerves were churning in my stomach and the food tasted like ash in my mouth. I hadn’t been with a man other than Tony in so long I’d forgotten what it was like. I hadn’t slept around a ton before I’d met my husband, but I vaguely remembered what it felt like to not know your partner’s preferences in the sack. The uncertainty that came with having sex with a man you didn’t really know. I wasn’t in my twenties anymore and while thirty-three wasn’t old there had definitely been changes in my body that made me a bit self-conscious.
“Eat.”
It wasn’t until he spoke that I realized I’d picked my fork back up and was mindlessly pushing the food around on my plate. “I’m not hungry.” His eyes flashed at that and I could have smacked myself for not stalling for more time.
“Alright, then we’re done here.” He stood and before I could say anything he scooped me out of my chair and tossed me over his shoulder.
“What the hell, Nico? Put me down!” I shoved against his back so that I wasn’t bouncing against it, as he walked up the stairs as though I weighed no more than a bag of feathers.
I groaned as a familiar chuckle sounded. I twisted and found Luca standing there with a bemused expression on his face. The goon was like a shadow. He’d been around all day and I’d caught glimpses of him here and there.
“Seriously, I can walk.”
