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But I wasn’t sure I could stop myself if he kept pressing me.
“Nothing. I’m tired. I need to get home—”
“Don’t lie to me, Meg. You don’t think I can’t tell when you’re bullshitting me? You start picking at your thumb.” He pointed to my left hand and damn if he wasn’t right. I shoved my hands into my pockets. He then pointed at my nose. “And your nostrils flare a bit. It’s a dead giveaway.”
“Fine. Yes, I’m avoiding you. I don’t want to talk to you, Adam. We’re not friends anymore. We have no place in each other’s lives. This mural won’t change the past, and it sure as hell won’t alter the future.”
Adam shook his head. “Will this ever not be about Chelsea?”
I couldn’t stop myself from flinching at the sound of her name in his mouth. I hated it. Damn him for bringing her into this…again.
“It’s not just about Chelsea, Adam. It never has been.”And I realized that was true. My anger and hurt were more about how quickly he dropped our seventeen years of friendship once he got laid.
Adam ran a hand through his dark hair, closing his eyes briefly. “I was a seventeen-year-old dumbass, Meg. You can’t hold the decisions of a teenager against me forever.”
I clenched my hands into fists in my pockets. “A seventeen-year-old kid that married that decision. And stayed married to her for years.”
Adam looked pained. “I know. If I could go back in time and do things over—”
“But you can’t,” I interrupted sharply.
There was a gulf of silence between us.
Adam reached out and pulled my hand free of my pocket, cradling it in his. “But I’m divorcing her. Can’t we move past it? Why are you holding onto this animosity? Can’t I do anything to change your mind?” He took a breath. “I miss you, Meg. I’ve missed you for the past ten years. Haven’t you missed me?”
I felt myself soften. He was hard to resist.
But…
I pulled my hand away, my fingers curling into my palm. I could feel the bite of my nails as I pressed them into my flesh, digging in. Drawing blood.
“I know I’m being unreasonable,” I admitted, and there was a flash of something in Adam’s blue eyes that looked like hope. I almost felt bad for dashing it to the ground. “My anger is probably completely irrational. It’s been a long time; I should be able to get over this. But for some reason, I can’t, Adam. I hate you for choosing her over me. I’ve tried to move past it. Trust me, I really, really have. But it keeps coming back to one basic fact.” I looked him straight in the eyes. Unflinching. “I offered you my heart, and you chose hers instead. The girl who terrorized me for years. The girl who tried to get me kicked out of the Honor Society by inventing a bogus story about me cheating on my English test. The girl who told everyone in school that I had crabs. I was called ‘crab girl’ for over a year.”
Adam’s mouth was pinched, his brow furrowed. “She was a horrible person. She is a horrible person. I want nothing to do with her. I can barely stand to be around her.”
“It didn’t look like that on Monday,” I spat out.
Adam took my hands and tried tugging me toward him. I wouldn’t budge an inch. Maybe that was my problem. I had always been too unyielding.
“I told her to leave, that if she wanted to talk to me, she had to go through the office. What you saw was me kicking her fake ass to the curb for the dozenth time. I promise you, Meg, we’re over.”
I should have pulled my hands out of his grasp. But the truth was I liked the feel of his skin against mine. So I allowed it for a few seconds longer. Then I reluctantly extracted myself from his grip. “It doesn’t matter, Adam. There’s too much water under the bridge.”
And it felt true. Painfully true. I popped the trunk of my car and put the heavy toolbox inside, slamming it shut. I jingled my keys in my hand, and for once, I didn’t feel much anger toward Adam. Yes, it was still there, but not like before. Because I could see how much he wanted me to forgive him.
Maybe…
“I’ve got to go, Adam. I’ll see you on Monday.” With an ache in my chest, I got in my car and drove home.
I didn’t realize I was crying until I had lost sight of him in the rearview mirror.
**
After going to the hospital to pay off a chunk of Dad’s bill, I went home. But even the act of helping my mom outdid little to lighten the pressure in my chest. I thought about Adam the entire drive home. I was obsessing. I realized the signs. I had been there before, after all.
