AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I turned on the water and stood frowning in front of the full-length mirror on the bathroom door. Acne danced along my chin line, a result of the caustic materials contained in disposable surgical masks. Dark heavy bags had established themselves under my eyes, as if they were ready for a garbage pickup. My formerly vibrant blond hair was limp, ashy, and stringy.
It was the first time I had fully examined myself that year, given the time pressures. I realized that I had barely eaten in months. My curves had begun flattening, and my ribs jutted out in response; the entire length of my clavicle was now visible, an elevated highway running across my shoulders. I had long since abandoned my running regimen, my weightlifting routine, and my yoga practice. My tennis game was a distant dream.
I needed to spend some quality time in the watery steam, debriding my own body for a change. Gradually the layers of chemicals and grime melted away, revealing the smooth skin I hadn’t seen or felt in months. I attended to every crevice, every orifice, with a soft loofah, lathering my body luxuriously. I shampooed what was once my golden mane, deeply massaging my scalp.
There was an appealing woman somewhere under all of the sludge. Methodically, I uncovered her. When I finally stepped out of the shower, the entire bathroom had clouded from all of the steam. I rubbed a spot clear on the mirror and saw a new hollowed face.
Sorting through my closet, I felt like I was lost in a forest. I scanned the row of hangers and settled on a pair of slinky low-riding jeans, then added a fitted black top and high-heel clogs.
For lingerie, I selected a silk thong and matching underwire bra. I was not planning for my undergarments to be seen by anyone, but I had been dressing like a boy for too long. The silk felt stealthy and reassuring. In the mirror I admired my casual but sexy chic look.
Who was I trying to impress? Losing so much weight had reduced my frame to a droopy clothes-hanger. This wasn’t healthy. I needed a few pounds to restore my natural curves.
Poised and perfumed, I headed to my gunmetal-blue Jeep. I loved driving in the vehicle solo. I could let my hair down as I proceeded to belt out Top 40 songs at the top of my lungs.
I arrived shortly at the Do No Harm Bar and Grill, one of the local haunts frequented by the hospital staff. I could feel beer pong and billiards players pausing while the males checked me out.
Shay waved me over to our corner table, where he sat in front of a decimated platter of chicken wings, drinking a pitcher of pale beer with some of the team, including Melissa. I had recognized her—cute, blond, tall, a bit awkward, skinny but with a little paunch—as the woman I had seen with Amir back in the anatomy lab during my first year. I didn’t ask her about her relationship with Amir when we officially met, and I certainly wasn’t going to now. We’d gotten along well enough. In fact, the whole team got along together pretty well, and almost everyone was there that night.
Noticeably absent was Amir.
My heart lurched with disappointment. At that moment, I realized with shame that all of my gussying up had been for him.
I traded war stories with the team. My head started bobbing slightly, and I fought the impulse to nod off. The long shower had done me in. Oh, sweet sleep—I craved it, but not here, not now. I dug a carrot into the onion dip. Shay had been inventive with the appetizers; I was actually eating something that wasn’t cafeteria beige.
I felt someone behind me and sensed the electricity before I saw him. It was Amir strolling over to our table. “What’s up, guys?” He exchanged a nonchalant fist bump with Shay.
I had worried that perhaps Amir was only “hospital hot,” the term we used for a man who in real life would be just okay, but when seen through “hospital goggles,” would morphinto a hot action figure. Turned out, Amir was not only hospital hot. Here he was standing in jeans and a blue button-down shirt that framed his perfect chest, and his black hair was gelled back, which emphasized his green eyes on bright beam.
I was a still a bit groggy, but I could feel fireworks shooting into my groin.
Amir pulled up a chair, turned it backward, and straddled it with his long, muscular legs, which were throbbing with his usual foot tapping.
He glanced at me sideways and punched me on the shoulder like one of the guys. “Hey, medical student. Good day today?”
Not so good if he was back to calling me medical student again.
“By the way, you look pretty good as a civilian,” he noted, without looking directly at me.
My body was suddenly awakening to alcoholic glee.
“Shay, can we get a round of tequila?” I asked in a giddy voice.
“More shots?” Shay was impressed. “Now that’s more like it. Apparently, folks, there’s more to this one,” he pointed at me with his hitchhiker’s thumb, “than meets the eye.”
The shots arrived, and I threw one back like a pro, chasing it with a second. I was so scrawny and unaccustomed to drinking that my head began spinning. Lightweight! I couldn’t control myself. I touched Amir’s forearm lightly, and, slurring my words, asked about his hometown, his brothers, his mother.
I watched his lips moving—I couldn’t really hear his answers.
My face was frozen in a tequila-glazed stare.
The group was receding, lost in the fog, and Amir was all I could see. I should not behave this way with these people. I stood up, wobbled a little on my heels, and excused myself.
“You’re going?” Shay looked crestfallen. This was our big team night.
“Yeah. I’m wiped.”
“Can’t take the pressure?” He tapped my arm affectionately.
