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“She must be something,” he muses as he writes something down. “Let’s start with what draws you to her?”
Thinking to the first session, I smile. “She has a smart mouth and she has no problem calling me out. She’s gorgeous and crazy smart, she is like a walking history book, it’s crazy.”
Oliver’s smile grows, making me cough, clearing my throat, and shrug. “I mean, she’s cool.”
He doesn’t call me out over my small gush session like a little bitch, which I’m not.
“So, you two kissed and how did that make you feel?”
I squint my eyes. “It felt like a kiss, what the hell?”
His lips twitch. “Was there any emotion?” he asks. “Do you want to date her?”
“We both know I’m in no position to date anyone, especially not Bliss.” I dismiss the idea. There is no point in making a big deal out of it.
“And do you think that because of Jackson?” he asks. “Are you wary of letting someone close to you?”
Wary? What the fuck?
Is it because of Jackson? Is he the reason for my hot and coldness? Or the reason why I won’t even entertain the idea of a relationship? Sure, he’s the reason I can’t or won’t return to the court, but could he be the reason why I keep Bliss at arm’s length?
“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” I admit.
Oliver nods. “What I’m saying is that maybe you’re afraid of liking Bliss too much, getting used to her. Dating would make you starting having feelings, you’ll maybe fall in love, and I feel that scares you, letting someone in, getting attached.”
He continues before I can say anything, “Jackson was your closest friend, almost like a brother. He was the only one you let in, now he’s not here. You have a beautiful girl that you think is amazing, but you won’t allow yourself to date her, why?”
I shift in my seat. “I’m not ready to let her in, I can’t.”
“And why do you think that is, Cuba?” he asks gently.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You’re scared to let anyone in because what if you lose them too?”
I push up to my feet quickly, Oliver jumps back from the movement, “I think we’re done for today,” I snap.
I knew this would come up, we have been talking about small light topics for the last two months. I knew he would start asking, start to analyze how Jackson’s death is affecting me, my life, and why did I do what I did that night. I knew, I fucking knew it would come up, and I’m not ready. I don’t want to see how far I fell, I don’t want to see who I am now, barely keeping it together, barely getting my life back. I must look like I’m okay to everyone around except for two people. Bliss and Oliver, and only one knows the truth while the other is biding her time. She wants to know what happened to me, and where I went. But if I tell her, will she still look at me the same, would she still want me around? I highly doubt it. I’m a fucking emotional basket case.
Oliver stands too. “I’ll see you next time.”
I don’t reply as I turn and leave. If there is a next time, fuck, I know there will be. No matter how much I hate this at times, I can’t skip a damn session, we both know it.
So, I flip him off before the door shuts behind me.
I’m making my appointment with Sadie, Oliver’s secretary, when my phone vibrates in my pocket and I slide it out.
Hmm.
Arrow: Someone stole our room so meet me at the basketball court. You know that big slab of wood you used to play on?
What the fuck? The court?
Me: Why there? Just come to my place.
Is she still pissed about me showing up yesterday? So, what, I saw her in her cute little boy shorts, and maybe scared the pizza guy, he shouldn’t have been looking at her like that.
Arrow: You can’t be trusted. Come on.
