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The fact that I have to deliver myself to be punished is an extra helping of humiliation heaped onto me.
When we come in, he removes the collar and ankle cuffs, but I don’t feel any relief whatsoever. Only fear.
“Strip,” he says coldly, and, dreading what’s coming, I slowly slide my shirt off and remove my bra.
“Too slow.” He walks over to the rack of whips, and I stifle a cry of protest and frantically shuck my pants and underwear.
He returns with a vicious little riding crop.
“Hands behind your back.”
I obey, grabbing my wrist, and stand there, bracing myself.
“This is for being too slow.”
He slashes at my breasts, crossing over the half-healed whip marks. I stifle a scream of pain. He whips me two times on each breast, and I manage to swallow my cries, whimpering instead with each vicious bite of the whip.
Then he holds the whip up to my lips, and I glare down at the floor as I kiss it. “Thank you for punishing me, Master.”
Choke and die, Joshua Smith. You’re the master of nothing.
His eyes flare wide with anger, and he grabs me by the arm and starts twisting my wrist. I scream in pain and surprise.
“What were you thinking just now?” he demands.
I start to cry. “Please, you’ll break my arm—please, Master!”
“What were you thinking?” he roars, bending my arm up, and I don’t dare lie. It’s terrifyingly clear that he already knows the answer.
“I was thinking you’re not my master,” I sob.
He releases my arm. “I know,” he says, his icy blue eyes freezing my soul. “Because I study human nature, Tamara. I study people’s expressions, their body language, the way they breathe. The tiny muscles in your face, the movements you make even when you think you’re holding perfectly still…they’re like screams, Tamara. Nasty, disrespectful screams of defiance. Every single time you’ve disobeyed me in your mind, I’ve known. And it stops now.”
The horror flooding me feels as if it will drown me. I’m sucking in panicked breaths, gulping for air. The pain in my breasts fades, washed away by an agony that sears my very soul.
He can see inside my head. There’s no escape from him. None. Ever.
He grabs my chin with his hand and squeezes so hard that tears spring to my eyes. “I’ll break you down and make you into what I want. You will acknowledge me as your master, and not just in words. You are not allowed to disagree with me in your thoughts anymore. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, M-M-Master.” My voice wavers. And I don’t dare to defy him in my head right after he says that, because he’s staring right into my eyes, and he’ll know. Some minute muscle twitch, an involuntary blink, and I’ll give myself away.
Bluebirds, sunshine, rainbows…picture a rainbow, think of anything else, because the words want to come into my mind, but I can’t let them…
He releases my chin. I gulp down sobs, shaking all over.
I’m not even safe inside my head.
He turns and walks away, heading across the room. “You said you wouldn’t kill me, Master!” I cry out. “If you break me down and make me into something else, then I won’t be me anymore! That’s the same as killing me, Master!”
He gives me a kind, gentle smile as he walks back to me.
“Semantics,” he says. “Now, how much do you think that defiant little speech is going to cost you?”
He’s heaping on punishment after punishment. My face goes white. “I don’t know, Master.”
“I think four hard smacks on the ass with a paddle should do it. What do you think?”
I can barely concentrate on his words. My mind is fracturing with panic, splintering. Mocking him in my head was the only thing that kept me sane, the only way I could still be me.
