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He says one thing.
“Why?”
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
TAMARA
Panic floods my body, and I involuntarily jerk against the chains, then pull myself back.
There is only one way to stop him from interrogating me and figuring out the truth. I have to distract him by going on the offensive.
“Fuck you, asshole!” I scream at him. “You’re not my master, Joshua Smith, you’re a fucking crazy loser sack of shit! I hate being here, and I’d rather die than spend one more second with you. This isn’t living. This is Hell!”
He glares down at me, face flushing with fury, but for some reason I’m not afraid.
“You think this is Hell, you spoiled bitch?” he shouts at me. “Hell is watching your father kill your brothers one by one and waiting for your turn! Hell is watching your father bury your twin brother alive! Hell is your very first memories being of hearing your mother scream while your father rapes her up the ass! Hell is watching your daddy rape little girls and being forced to jerk off to it if you want to live another day! Hell is being starved, and burned, and cut, and walking barefoot through the snow all winter long!”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” I laugh, a harsh, horrible sound. “I’m fucking glad you suffered. I wish you’d suffered more. I wish your father had finished the job.” His eyes widen in surprise. He wasn’t expecting that from passive little Toy, or compassionate, caring Tamara, but I’m not either of those anymore. My pain and desperation have forged something new. “You took everything away from me. You destroyed my life! I don’t care if this is a gilded cage, it’s a goddamn cage, you asshole, you psycho, you nut job, and you make me sick!”
“I don’t make you sick,” he says, tightly controlled fury dripping from every word. “I make you come. I make you beg for it.”
“Yes, you had tomakeme beg for it.” I pour all my pent-up loathing and contempt into my hateful glower. “I didn’t do it on my own. I never would have. Just kill me and get it over with, you scum-licking pig, because I am Tamara Bennett, and I will end your disgusting life or die trying. I am not Toy, I was never Toy, and I never will be. You fucking failed at breaking me, like you fail at life, you piece of shit.”
Instead of answering, he turns and storms out of the room.
As soon as he’s out the door, I hear him shouting. No, roaring. An animal sound of pure fury. I hear glass breaking and a door slam repeatedly.
I’ve made the iceman lose control.
I smile to myself.
I shut my eyes and remember that I’m Tamara again. It feels so good to be Tamara.
With nothing else to do, I start reciting lessons in my head. Algebra. I invent algebra problems in my head and solve them. Then I move on to history. I start to recreate history classes from high school and quiz myself.
After a few hours, I realize that I’m crying, but I don’t feel sad. I feel weak and dizzy and I’m floating on a strange kind of high.
My kidnapperJoshua Smithcomes back into the room.
“Why are you crying and laughing at the same time?” he demands.
Was I laughing? So many feelings are flooding my body that I don’t know what to do with them.
I look at him haughtily. “You’d have to be human to understand, Joshua dick-sucking piece-of-crap Smith. And by the way? You’re a liar, you little turd-breath asshole. You lied about nobody reporting me missing. You know why you had to lie? Because you’re fucking weak!”
He lashes out and slaps me, and my ears ring, and I laugh and laugh, spiraling up into hysteria. “Oh my God. My God. Thank you for proving my point, wussy girl. I call you weak and it hurts your sad little feelings, and you respond like a puppet because I jerked your string. You just slapped a woman half your size who’s chained to a bed! You’re so brave,Joshua!Did that make you feel good about yourself? Are you going to come now?”
Just fucking kill me already.What do I have to say to push him over the edge?
“Fuck this,” he growls. He undoes my cuffs. He scoops me up and throws me over his shoulder and carries me down the hall, down the stairs, heading for my cell.
“You don’t deserve a nice clean room. You’ll stay down here, cuffed hand and foot, in the dark. Enjoy your new life.”
“Good,” I spit at him. “I don’t ever want to see your face again, because you make me sick.”
* * *
Joshua
