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But I know the truth…Lila’s here because I keep her here.
I can’t let go. Letting go means acceptance, forgiveness…She’s not here to give them to me, so I’d have to forgive myself. And that I’ll never do.
So instead, in the cool, pale hours of the early morning, I go for a walk in the woods. I don’t walk toward Remi’s house but deeper into the forest.
I walk until I come to something strange…a hole in the ground. Maybe seven feet long, four feet deep, and about as wide. The earth is piled up in a heap, with no one in sight of this lonesome place.
I stand and stare at the fresh-turned earth and the blank black hole.
I’ve had a suspicion for quite some time now, built from a succession of hints that have been piling up in my brain.
It’s all whispers and vapors, nothing I’d call actual evidence.
In fact, I could just be flat-out wrong…and I definitely can’t tell Remi.
But maybe I could show her…
I didn’t want to do this, but I think it might be time.
I reach into my pocket, touching the key to Blackleaf that Ernie gave me six years ago.
* * *
24
REMI
“Where were you?” Jude asks, looking at my wild hair and swollen lips.
“Uh…I went for pizza with Tom.” I hold up the mostly empty box. “It’s really good, actually, you want the last piece?”
Jude makes a face. “Not until we’ve got a microwave. Or better yet, an air fryer.”
“That would make it better,” I say, struggling to keep a straight face.
I did not expect to find my brother in the kitchen when I came home at 2:00 a.m.
“What are you doing up so late?”
“I’ve been clearing out the workshop,” Jude says. “I’m almost done.”
“Wow, Jude, thank you!” I really wasn’t sure if he was actually doing anything in there—I hadn’t seen much evidence. “I can’t wait to see.”
“Well, don’t come in yet—I want it to be a surprise.”
“I won’t.”
“How’s the rest of the house coming along?”
“Surprisingly well—Tom said we’ll have full power by tomorrow.”
“Assuming he can sleep off whatever the fuck you two were doing.”
“Uh huh.” I can’t look at Jude, or he’ll know I’m lying.
I hate misleading my brother, but he’ll lose his shit if he knows I’ve been hooking up with Dane. He’s on Rhonda’s side, and I’m not sure how to convince him otherwise.
“How much longer do you think it will take ‘till we can sell this place?” Jude asks, yawning and getting up from the kitchen table.
