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I roll off him and turn myself around again so we’re lying side by side on the beach. The next wave washes all the way up to our waists, which is actually useful as a form of instant cleanup.
Dane finds my wet, sandy hand and links our fingers.
We gaze up at a sky of boiling purple, enlivened here and there with flashes of lightning that illuminate the clouds, as thunder rolls across the bay.
“Should we move?” I say. “In case we get struck?”
“A month ago, I would have wished for it.”
I turn my head to look in his face.
“Not anymore?”
“No,” Dane says, looking at me and smiling slightly. “Not when things just got interesting…”
He rolls on his side and touches my cheek, kissing me more gently than he ever has before.
The fluttering in my chest and the anxiousness in my stomach are very bad signs.
Never once did I feel like this for Gideon. Or anybody else.
“What’s wrong?” Dane says, pulling back slightly.
“I’m scared of how much I like you.”
“Ah.” He nods like he understands. “Me, too.”
Now that Dane has gotten scratched from the sand, I’m noticing his sunburn.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have kept you outside so long…”
He shakes his head, pushing me down and kissing me again.
“I’d do the whole day over again, starting this minute, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”
* * *
20
DANE
Parting ways with Remi at our respective cars is torturous. I want to take her back to my house and do so much more than we managed on the beach, but I’m on call all night.
I think about her all through my shift, and maybe that’s why, when I return home at last, the scent of pear and bergamot assails me the moment I open the door. A single dusty bottle sits on Lila’s vanity table, yet the smell seems to spread through the house.
The same parts of the brain that process memory and emotion also process odors. That’s why nothing brings back memories more strongly than a particular scent.
The moment I walk through the door, thoughts of Remi are forced from my mind by images of Lila. Lila in a flurry in the kitchen, cooking up enough dinner for ten people, laughing and singing and twirling around in her apron, steam in the air…
Then Lila sobbing on the floor of the bathroom, curled on her side, dark hair spread across the tiles, mascara smeared down her face…
Will you love me forever, no matter what?
Promise me…promise me…
The guilt is overwhelming.
All the memories of the day, the bright and cheerful moments, swirl like leaves then wither and crumble.
