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“You could say that—fourteen sweaty dudes in loincloths, all on a high-protein diet, sharing one bunkhouse…I’m going to suffocate in my sleep. On purpose. To escape the smell.”
“I’m sure there’s some pretty makeup artist who can console you when she’s done spray-painting your abs.”
“Nope,” Reese says glumly. “The only ones interested in putting their mouths on me are the mosquitoes. And my abs don’t need spray-painting, thank you very much—the only thing to do out here is crunches.”
My brother is currently filming some swords and sandals show in Sumatra. “Spartacus meets Game of Thrones,” according to him.
Reese is continually chasing the One Great Role that will revive his career. He likes to list examples of roles that have done this for other actors, like that means it’s only a matter of time for him.
He forgets that none of those actors are best known for their role as a teenaged dreamboat on a Friday-night sitcom.Rocko Rocks!played for only three short seasons, but it became acult classic among women aged fourteen to way-too-old-to-be-crushing-on-a-teenager-this-hard.
Reese was on the cover ofSeventeenandUS Weekly. He was supposed to be the next Leonardo DiCaprio.
Unfortunately, his career ever since has been more like that third Hemsworth brother’s.
But he swears this show is his big break.
“Did I tell you it’s playing on HBO?”
“Only twelve or thirteen times.”
“Well, which one is it? I thought you were the precise brother.”
“That made it thirteen. I was being imprecise for comedic effect.”
“Thank you. I know that goes against your morals.”
“Comedy is the highest law.”
If you can’t laugh at life, you’ll cry. And I’m sure as hell not going to cry.
Reese says, “What have you been up to?”
“I saw Theo Mahoney today.”
“Theo…oh, I remember her! She was the one who was always drawing in math class.” Reese chuckles. He was also drawing in math class. “What’s she up to these days?”
“Grinding away for none other than Angus Tate.”
My brother is instantly suspicious. “Sully…”
“Don’t worry, I was perfectly polite. Warm and friendly, even…”
Reese groans. “Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not.”
Reese really is the nice brother. Softhearted. It’s why he gets eaten alive in Hollywood.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I’m helping her.”
Reese groans. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“If you want to stop me, you better get back here.”
“Just a couple more weeks.”
“Good.”
