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Jesus. Why I haven’t I hung up some pictures? Or painted…anything?
I know why.
Because then my dad would think I’m moving on.
It might make him angry. Or send him into a spiral.
Or, or, or…
When you’re scared and you have no idea what to do, it seems safest to do nothing. Even while your whole life is falling apart around you, somehow eventhatfeels safe. Because at least you’re used to it.
“I guess…I’ll take this one.” Theo selects the smallest bedroom, farthest from mine.
“Do you need shampoo or anything?”
She shakes her head. “I brought all that.”
“Okay.”
We stand there a moment in awkward silence. It’s pretty late at night—we spent all day on the yacht with Angus and most of the evening on the beach, chowing down on Theo’s clams.
Through it all, there was a sense of connection between us—the secret we share. Our relationship is fake, but it’s a cord tying us together all the same, so that when I’m pretending to be herboyfriend, I’m thinking about Theo, watching her everywhere she goes, behaving like I would if I were in love. Making sure she’s protected and happy.
I guess the afterglow is what’s making me linger in the hallway, wondering if I should offer her a drink or something before bed. I feel like I’m still supposed to be taking care of her.
But I don’t want to give her the wrong impression—like I’m trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her or something. She’s probably suspicious of me inviting her to stay here in the first place.
“You want…some water or something?”
“I’m okay.” Theo digs her bare toes into the carpet, sneaking a quick glance up at me. “Thanks, though. And…thank you for distracting Angus today. And for taking me snorkeling. And for the bathing suit…it was gorgeous, even if I felt like a fool in it.”
“You didn’t look like a fool.”
That pretty, soft pink spreads through her pale cheeks like watercolor.
Theo’s skin truly is the softest thing I’ve ever touched. I find myself inventing reasons to touch her again when other people are around, when I have an excuse.
But right now, there’s no excuse.
I’m not supposed to do it.
I’m not even supposed to think about it.
Because if I were to kiss her for real or touch her for real, here at my house…that would be crossing a serious line.
I blackmailed this woman to be here. I dug up her most painful secret and threatened to tell her vindictive boss for the express purpose of getting her fired.
Now, would I ever actually do that?
Not a chance. If Theo would have told me to fuck off, I never would have ratted her out to Angus—I’d find another angle.
But she doesn’t know that, and that’s the whole, entire point. As long as I’m dangling that threat over her head, it would be super fucked up for me to kiss her or even make her worry that I might while she’s staying at my house.
There are things I’ll blackmail somebody to do and things I won’t. I have standards.
Besides, I knew Theo wouldn’t tell me to fuck off, and that’s also why this isn’t fair.
I knew what Angus would do, which is be a selfish ass, the most predictable of human behaviors. I knew the position that would put Theo in. And I took advantage, I applied pressure. And I’m going to keep doing it until I get what I want.
