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I’m pretty sure I do…
And then I remember his flash of annoyance at Angus’ hand resting on my arm…
The climax surprises me, blooming like a flower in my belly, my lungs full of the scent of Sullivan’s pillow and Sullivan’s sheets.
I didn’t mean to go that far, but I tipped over so easily.
Once it starts, it’s impossible to stop. Pleasure drenches my body. I soak it in, every last drop, until it saturates my cells and ebbs away…
Embarrassed, I slip out from under the sheets and hurriedly remake the bed, my body still flushed, head light and floating.
Wow. Haven’t felt that in a while…
Well, that’s good. I cleared my head. Now I can calm down and stop acting like a kid with a crush.
I have a contract with Sullivan, signed in ink.
And if the parameters of this agreement are a little unorthodox…that’s all the more reason that I have to remember thatthis isn’t real.
No matter how good certain things feel or what moments might arise of unexpected intimacy, Sullivan wants one thing and one thing only from me: access to Angus.
I can’t let myself forget that.
Sullivan doesn’t.
Any time we get too close to each other, like in the hallway or the kitchen, he breaks it off abruptly.
I need to do the same. I need to guard my boundaries like levees or the flood of Sullivan’s uncanny ability to pretend to adore me will wash me away, and when this whole thing is over, I’ll be left high and dry, longing for something that never existed in the first place.
Right while I’m making that commitment to myself, I’m sneaking into Sullivan’s bathroom to examine his toiletries and even the medicine cabinet behind his mirror.
When I find a mouthguard inside a plastic case, I feel the funniest little zing. More evidence that the gorgeous Sullivan truly is a human being.
It really is comforting.
Lastly, I peek inside his closet, finding a small selection of high-end clothes. He owns three suits, including the one he was wearing today, and two pairs of dress shoes. That’s one more than me, but still…
It seemed like Sullivan had everything in high school, like he led a charmed existence. When I met him again, he seemed to radiate confidence and success.
Now I see how fragile his life really is. His BMW is actually pretty old, even though he keeps it in such good condition. Last night, I noticed that his phone screen is cracked.
I bet he’s scrambling to cover his expenses in the cutthroat LA real estate market of feast or famine. Especially if he’s paying bills for his brother and his dad…
In the strangest way, it makes me more determined than ever that Sullivan is going to get this deal with Angus.
He’s working hard, I can see that. And he’s not as lucky as I thought.
In fact, I could almost feel bad for him.
Which is something I never thought I’d say about Sullivan Rivas.
12
THEO
The groceries arrive promptly at ten, just like Sullivan promised. It takes me twenty minutes to bring in all the bags and unload them into the fridge and pantry—he bought enough food to feed a small army.
These are not your normal groceries. This is gourmet food, the kinds of ingredients I drool over at the grocery store but can never actually afford.
