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The thought of Kylie’s soulful eyes, full of such hurt when she’d said it wasmeshe wanted and I had ruined that, finally breaks through my walls. I realize my anger lies solely with me.
Iruined it… not her.
With sleep nowhere in sight, I take a shower. Afterward, I head downstairs to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. My hand falls short as I take in the pink and white ceramic cup my secretary got her as a gift with the first batch of meals that were delivered to the house. The old me would have tossed it out… I’m no longer the old me.
Standing against the counter, I wonder how I could have been so blind. So stupid. Why had I been such a dick to her? Walking out without a word after we’d had sex.
Fuck!
The coffee pot finishes its job and I pour a large cup of steaming coffee, then carry it with me as I walk down the hallway. The smell of paints and cleaners reaches me as I near the studio, reminding me even more of Kylie.
Every part of the old me wills myself to keep walking. But I can’t.
Instead, I go inside and stop to admire her work. She really is very talented. I move around the room until one of the paintings calls out to me. With a wry smile, I set my coffee down and pick up the painting. The other day, Kylie had jokingly told me that I had inspired her to create this abstract. As I study it, I can see why. It’s expressive, raw, and passionate, and it feels like it’s speaking to my soul. The part of me I keep hidden from everyone.
But Kylie saw it. She saw deep inside me and captured it in this painting. Somehow, that sweet, loving, and generous woman had found a way in and saw me for who I am. Or who I could be behind this cold mask of indifference I show to the world. But in the end, she left because of me, regardless of the money and success I can offer her.
Because Kylie isn’t like that. She’s honest and likes people for who they are, not what they can offer her. She likes me for me.
I’m in love with Kylie.
The realization feels like a large hand reaches inside my chest and squeezes my heart.
I don’t know when it happened, but it did. Somehow, she’d worked her way inside my walls. Hell, maybe, in a way, I’ve been in love with her since we were kids, jealous of the easy closeness she shared with Knox back then.
I stagger back a couple of steps and fall into the office chair. Does Kylie love me? Is that what she’d meant with her parting words, that it’s always been about me?
She’d said I’d never change, but she’s wrong. I’ve already changed because of her. Without even realizing it. Admitting I’m in love with Kylie opens a floodgate of emotions, things I thought buried and out of reach all this time.
Some of it is good. Other things, however, are painful, and I’m tempted to try to rebuild that wall. To avoid feeling what I felt the day my mom left. That day changed my life forever and made me into the bitter, sarcastic, self-serving man I am today.
Leaning forward, I put my elbows on my knees and close my eyes. Maybe I don’t have all the facts. Maybe there’s more to my mom leaving and it’s not all my dad’s fault. Kylie had asked me once to try and make amends with him, but I’d adamantly refused. Maybe it’s just easier for me to blame him than to face the truth, that Mom may just not have cared about us enough to stay.
Standing, I walk back to the painting Kylie said she was inspired to do because of me. It’s time I fix my life. It’s time I be the man she sees in me. Reconnecting with my dad won’t be enough. If I’m going to win Kylie back, I need to really show her I’ve grown up.
I grab my phone out of my pocket and call my brother. Knox answers after a couple of rings.
“Not selling, dude,” Knox says, and I almost laugh.
“I’m not asking,” I reply.
“Oh, well, what’s on your mind?”
“I fucked up, Knox,” I say after a minute. Running a hand through my hair, I start pacing the studio.
“What? You’re admitting you made a mistake?” Knox sounds sarcastically surprised. “It must be a big one if you’re calling me.”
“It is,” I say with a scowl. “It’s Kylie. I’ve messed things up with her.”
There’s a long silence from the other end. Finally, Knox lets his breath out in a long sigh. "She was pretty upset when she got back into town, but for once, refused to tell me why. I figured it had to do with you. And here I’d always thought you were a smart guy. How dumb do you have to be to hurt someone as sweet as Kylie?"
“I know, Knox,” I growl into the phone. “I’m an idiot. We’ve established that, can we move on?”
“You know she’s been in love with you since we were kids.”
I stop pacing and scrub a hand down my jaw in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
Knox chuckles. “I guess you’ve always been an idiot if you never noticed that, for more than half your life, Kylie has had a crush on you.”
