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I jerked away from her touch and moved back, leaving a devastated look on her face. I didn’t want her to apologize. I just wanted it all to go away, and I knew that wasn’t possible.
“Stop. Stop apologizing. I just want to forget it. Can we do that? Can we forget it?”
She nodded and moved closer to me once again. When she put her arms around me to hug me, I didn’t stop her. At first, I was tense, but as she slowly rubbed my back in calming circles, I relaxed.
“I can’t promise I will forget. I spent my life thinking my father was something he wasn’t. I hate what he did to you and the rest of the boys. I hate it, Koah.”
She shivered and shook, and I knew she quietly cried in my arms. I nodded, closing my eyes and trying to let her words find the pain inside me. In a way, I was glad she knew. Maybe now she would understand why I lied about her father and had him shoved into prison so quickly her head spun. Perhaps now she would forgive me for those lies.
“I’m sorry I lied,” I muttered, my chin resting on her head. “But I had to stop him. He had to pay, Tori. He didn’t murder Joker’s father, but he destroyed so many of us. I wish he would have killed me.”
She gasped and pulled away from me. “Never say that.” Her eyes skimmed my face as if she were seeing me for the first time again. “What he did was worse than murder. I only wish the others got the closure you did.”
She didn’t understand. There would never be closure. So long as I could close my eyes and sleep, Lorne Walsh would haunt me. My past would always catch up with me and destroy my future. But I needed her to know one thing.
“I’m not dirty,” I announced.
She pulled back more, confusion tugging on her brows. “What?”
“When you went down on me, you said …”
Realization settled over her features, and her eyes watered once again. “I remember what I said.”
“I just wanted you to know.” I shrugged.
I kept it at that. Tori didn’t need to know I was a virgin or that my body was broken, except when it came to her. There had been enough confessions in the past few days to last the rest of my life.
How she looked at me made me uncomfortable, so I turned away and sat on the couch. She followed me, tucking her dainty feet beneath her when she sat.
“I’m sorry I called you dirty,” she apologized. “If I had known—” She stopped.
I cleared my throat and picked at a piece of lint on the front of my shirt. It wasn’t easy for a man like me to admit these things, but knowing Tori had seen my deepest, darkest secrets made it easier to talk to her.
She sat beside me, and her eyes devoured the side of my face before she moved closer and squeezed the hand I had resting on my knee.
“I hope you’ll keep my secrets,” I said, looking at her.
“Of course. All of your secrets are safe with me.” She blushed, reminding me of when she was younger.
I believed her.
“What about you?” I asked, turning the conversation away from me.
“What about me?”
“Do you have any secrets? Have you been with anyone?”
It wasn’t my business, but I asked anyway. I had a sick desire to know more about Tori. I had felt her mouth around my cock, and she knew what she was doing. At least, it seemed that way. I didn’t have much to compare it to. Was she the kind of girl who slept around? What kind of dark secrets was she hiding? Everyone had them.
Still, her shoulders grew stiff, as if I had made her uncomfortable. I wanted to take my question back immediately.
“Just one.” She leaned back into the corner of her couch and away from me.
“Just one secret or just one guy?” I needed her to clarify.
A strange sensation filled my chest. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was akin to jealousy. I didn’t want to think about Tori with other men, but I wanted to know her as profoundly as she now knew me.
“Both.”
