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I snorted. “Yeah. I bet it’s full of something.”
She giggled.
Gracie had once left a paperback open on the couch. The words I saw on the pages were anything but sweet. Whenever I saw her reading a book that wasn’t a schoolbook, I knew it was smut.
“How was your day?” she asked.
“Long,” I answered, kicking my shoes off and heading toward the kitchen.
“Did you see your boyfriend today?”
I rolled my eyes.
Ever since Gracie walked in on Koah and me, she hadn’t let up about him. I told her we weren’t dating, but she was adamant that my getting a boyfriend and going on dates would make me feel better. Meanwhile, I reiterated that a woman should be content with herself before depending on someone else for happiness.
I was full of it. Yes, I wanted Gracie to be a strong, independent woman, but at the same time, I knew what would happen when the right person touched you in the right places. It didn’t matter how strong and independent you were; you would melt. I knew I did.
“He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends.”
“I don’t kiss my friends like that.”
I bit into a peanut butter cracker and sighed. “Okay, so I don’t know what we are, but I’m being casual about it.”
She laughed. “Right. That’s why you turn beet red every time I mention him.”
“Shut it,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.
She laughed harder. “Tori’s got a boyfriend,” she sang.
She skipped into her bedroom with her book and softly closed the door behind her.
That night, while I was in bed alone, I let my hands wander over my body and imagined they were Koah’s. When I finally fell asleep, I did so wondering if he thought about me the way I thought about him.
THE REST OF MY WEEK was boring and full of work. The following Friday night, Gracie stayed with her friend again, so I had a free night. I went to The Strip with Sadie and wore a new outfit I bought. My jeans fit like a glove, and you could see my smooth skin through the spots where there were ragged holes. The top fell off one shoulder, so I had to go without a bra. I wasn’t used to doing that, but Sadie insisted showing my bra strap took away from the look.
I left my hair down and wavy but stopped at that. I didn’t love wearing makeup as much as Sadie, but I let her put a little mascara on my lashes. Whatever kept her from pulling out the expensive makeup palettes and foundations that made me feel like I was wearing a mask.
We got to The Strip a little later than usual, and the crowd was heavy, and the races had already started. The night was chilly, and the familiar sounds of the races and the music made me smile. I felt happy. I could contact Gracie if needed; my bills were paid, and we were doing well. Not to mention whatever was happening with Koah.
I felt like a young girl—giddy with anticipation over seeing the guy I was crushing on. Not that I ever crushed. Technically, Koah was my first real anything, and I wanted much more. I would never say that to anyone because it was embarrassing, but having something to look forward to was nice.
When he pulled up to race, lining his tire on the start line, butterflies engulfed my stomach. I smiled, excited to watch him fly like the wind. His helmet covered his face, but I could feel his eyes all over me when he looked my way. He revved his engine several times before turning away and waiting for the sound of the gun.
Once the race started, he flew down the strip of broken concrete like the pro he was. His bike roared into the night, and his pink neons lit the way as he dusted the guy and glided over the finish line. I jumped and clapped, cheering for him with the rest of the crowd. I followed when everyone moved to surround him, but I halted when a pretty redhead wrapped her arms around Koah’s neck and kissed him.
I waited for him to push her away, but he didn’t. Instead, he put his arm around her and pulled her closer. I was close enough to see their tongues battle it out while he lowered his hand and palmed her perky ass.
Nausea swept over me, and I felt sick.
“You okay, girl?” Sadie asked at my side. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
I graced her with a fake smile that felt like it would break my face, and I reached out for the bottle of liquor she was nursing and took a big swig. It burned my throat, and I coughed a little, but I needed anything that would trump the pain I felt in my chest at seeing Koah kiss another woman. We weren’t official, but I thought we were leading up to that.
“I’m good,” I lied, swiping the leftover liquor from my lips with the back of my arm.
I turned and started toward Sadie’s car and opened her trunk, where I knew she kept her alcohol. I tossed the canned soda I was holding and opened the cooler for something a bit harder.
How could I have been so stupid? I mean, really? Was I that deprived of human touch? Was I that desperate for affection? That I would let a man who had been my enemy for most of my life swipe all of my angry emotions away and replace them with a raging need that made me pathetic.
