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What had I been thinking?
I couldn’t let Koah’s jealousy give me the wrong idea. It was nothing more than a case of a boy not wanting another to play with his toy, which was precisely what I was. His toy. His plaything. Someone who knew him and his past and was willing to keep all his filthy secrets.
Koah didn’t want to be with me. He only wanted me near so he could play with me whenever he was in the mood.
“Whatever,” I said, turning away from him and leaning against the counter.
He lingered, and I could feel his stare against the side of my face. He reached out and ran a finger down my cheek, and my heart skipped.
How could he be so many things at once? Dangerous and despicable and sweet and safe all wrapped into one.
I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled the bathroom door open, letting the sounds of the party in.
“I’ll see you around, okay?”
I nodded even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
He left the bathroom and closed the door, but not before I heard a female voice say his name. I was left feeling embarrassed and ashamed in a home I wasn’t even welcomed in.
What was I doing?
This wasn’t me.
My priorities were all mixed up, and it was time I got myself back on track. It was time I went back into hustle mode and forgot about the rest. It was time I put Gracie and me first again. It didn’t matter if I could trust Koah. I knew I shouldn’t. Not because he would physically hurt me but because I had a feeling if I didn’t pull back, he would crush my heart.
22
Saint
Toriwasmine.Itdidn’t matter if I had officially claimed her or not. When it came to the Border Lords, she belonged to me. She would learn that quickly if she kept coming around.
Seeing Twitch’s hands on her sent a lethal rage through me, and I detonated, releasing my wrath on him without caring what he was packing. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. It was more satisfying that way. I would have done just that if the guns had not been pulled. I could thank Joker for that … fucker was quick to pull his piece.
I was still stewing when she found me in the bathroom, and as sick as it sounds, it felt good to force my cock into her mouth. I wanted to punish her for making me jealous, which scared me. I had been through too many things in my life. I knew what it was like to be punished with a dick in the mouth, and I still did it to Tori. It didn’t matter that she enjoyed it; she had told me she trusted me. What mattered were the sick things I was thinking while she blew me.
I thought about choking her—watching her drool all over my cock and her eyes water as she looked up at me. I thought about lifting her from her knees, turning her away from me, ripping her jeans down, and pushing her face into the door as I fucked her from behind. I wanted my fingerprints bruised into her skin and my bite marks branding her. I wanted me all over her so everyone knew she was mine. I wanted to mark my fucking territory like an animal, and it sickened me.
Why did I want to hurt her and soothe her all at once? What kind of monster had her father made me into?
I choked her, but not enough to hurt her, and I kept it at that. When it was over, disgrace thickened in my gut, spinning and tossing around the remnants of alcohol and food. I knew if I didn’t get out of the bathroom and away from her broken glare, I would get sick.
I felt like shit for leaving Tori hanging, but I couldn’t get out of the space fast enough. My emotions and feelings were so fucked up it was making my head spin. One second, I was between Tori’s thighs; the next, she was kneeling while I forced her to worship me.
Once Joker's voice echoed through the door and pulled me back into the real world, I was a fucking mess. I was lying to my best friend and disgracing Tori at the same time. Shame and guilt were devouring me from the inside out, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stay away from her, and I couldn’t break Joker’s trust in me.
It was a shit show.
I rushed through the house and out the door, needing fresh air. And when I fired up the engine on my bike to make a run for it, I did so with Tori staring back at me from the front porch. Her expression was blank—no hurt or anger—and I had a feeling I might have gone too far with her this time.
My gaze was locked on hers as I backed out onto the road, and when I looked away and took off, I had the distinct feeling it was the last time I would see her. Something about that burned the pit of my stomach.
My tires burned across the backroads as I raced around curves and drove through the night. The world grew quiet around me as the city went to sleep. The sky lightened, transforming from blackness to pinks and oranges as morning neared. When I finally pulled into the driveway, the sun was breaking over the horizon, threatening to set me on fire.
The house was clear; no one passed out on the floor or lay on the couches, but bottles and trash littered the front yard and the living room. People were disrespectful as fuck, and I wasn’t looking forward to cleaning the shit up. I ignored it, went straight to my room, and stripped to my boxers. I was tired, mentally and physically, and I wanted to close my eyes and shut it all out for a little while.
I WOKE TO THE SWEET SOUND of Everly’s voice and the smell of bacon. I hadn’t slept long, but nothing could wake a man like the smell of breakfast. I yawned and stretched, scrubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. Getting out of bed, I went to my dresser and pulled out something to wear.
Laughter filled the kitchen, all male except for Everly’s cute giggle. Skull and Everly rarely stopped by, but when they did, she always cooked or brought food. My stomach growled, and I stretched again, feeling the weight of the night before still pressing down on my shoulders.
