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She’s startled. “You didn’t go to work?”
“Of course I didn’t go to work! I thought you weredead! Where’s the baby?”
“I left you that note,” she says shakily. “Everything’s fine. The baby is with me.”
“ ‘This is something I need to do? I think it’ll be good for us’?”he reads with an incredulous inflection from the note she put on the counter early this morning, tiptoeing out before he woke.“ ‘Don’t worry’? ‘We’ll be okay’? ‘We’ll be back soon’?”
“It’s all true.”
“But…where are you? My God, I’ve been frantic!”
Lenna bites her lip. “I thought we might take this as a break. I thought you’d be relieved, actually.” She laughs self-consciously. “No more crying!”
“Excuse me?”
But he heard her. He breathes out huffily. “I know I’ve been…it’s beenhard.But what, this is your idea of punishment?”
“This isn’t about you. I just…I need to be here right now. I need some help.”
“Help? I’m Jacob’s father. When did you even think this up? What am I supposed to say when people ask where my wife and child have gone?Actually, I have no idea. They ran away before I woke up.You realize that’s kidnapping, right? You’ve kidnapped our child?”
A streak of nerves goes through her. Her heart starts to thump. “Daniel, I’m safe. I’m with people I know and trust. And I’m coming back soon. Of course I’m coming back. I haven’t kidnapped anyone.”
“Who are you with?”
She hesitates. But then Daniel guesses. “It’s that friend, isn’t it? The one who showed up?” He lets out a baffled little whimper. “Who evenisshe?”
“A really good old friend.” Her voice catches ongood.She thinks, again, of Gillian:Why does she have such a hold over you?“Besides just having a little mental break, besides being around other mothers who might be able to shed light on how we can get Jacob to be happier, Rhiannon and I need to talk through some things. In our past. I want—”
“But you haven’t seen her in years. You never told me a word about her. Why would you go somewhere with her at the drop of a hat? And don’t use the baby as an excuse. That’s bullshit.”
For a moment, Lenna is speechless. “You don’t know how hard it is,” she whispers.
Then she hears a footstep in the hallway and stiffens. The last thing she wants is for someone to overhear her arguing. “I have to go. But we’re fine. I promise.”
“Lenna! No! I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard. I agree. But I thought we were doing okay.”
She shuts her eyes. “It’s not just the baby. It’s also me. I’ve been…” She searches for the word.Haunted. Tormented. Visited by demons, pretty much since we got together.But how can she tell him at this point? He’ll want to know why she didn’t say something sooner. And he won’t be satisfied with half the story. He’ll want the whole thing.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Daniel begs when she doesn’t say more.
She wishes she could tell him. But this thing she’s suffering with? It’s her very worst secret. Heronlysecret. If she told Daniel, he’d divorce her.
And take her baby.
6
Lenna
June
Two years before
TheCity Gossipsummer kickoff party was at a West Hollywood establishment that seemed to tick various bingo squares of California cool: a wall of succulents,check.A vegan tasting menu,check.A neon sign proclaiming a swishy catchphrase—You Do You—check.
Lenna stared into her glass of red wine, trying not to peek into the back hallway to the bathroom for the tenth time. Rhiannon had gone nearly eleven minutes ago, and she hadn’t yet come back. But Lenna could survive for a few minutes without her friend, couldn’t she? She knew most of the people here—as a copy editor, she interacted with people daily because she corrected their stories. But it wasn’t like she ever chitchatted with them. The magazine was about gossip, after all, but she was never good with infiltrating a clique. Plus all of her lunches and coffee breaks were with Rhiannon. She hadn’t gotten a chance to really hang out with anyone else.
There was a strategic reason to get to know her other coworkers, though. In Lenna’s interview for the copy editing position, Rich,the managing editor, said that if she wanted to eventually write, the best way to start off was by going out on assignment with the more established writers. If she built a rapport with them, they’d eventually let her report on some of the story, too, and share the byline. But Lenna was hoping Rhiannon could pave the way once she came back from the bathroom. Break the ice with her charm.
