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“It’s not that easy.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, this place, it’s sort of…picky. It’ll tell you when you’re allowed to leave. When you’ve done what you need to do here.”
“Theplacewill?” Lenna stops and looks at her. “What if you want to leave before it thinks you’re ready?”
“I don’t know. No one’s tried that. And I’m not talking aboutyou,” Rhiannon insists, as if reading Lenna’s mind. “I just mean people who made the commitment to live here. It’s hard to explain.” She waves her hand.
They walk for a few paces in silence, their shoes crunching on the sand. Rhiannon seems a little rankled. Lenna feels the urge to apologize, like she always used to with Rhiannon. She was always like this, letting her mercurial moods show on her face.
But ten seconds later, she scoops Teddy up again, all smiles. “Now, if youdochoose to stay, Len,” she adds, raising her eyebrows tantalizingly, “then we’d have to talk about all of that for real.”
“I can’t stay,” Lenna says quietly.
“What, because of your husband?” Rhiannon makes a face. “Too bad. You and I would have lots of fun.”
Lenna looks away. Even after all this time, Rhiannon’s approval gives her a special kind of euphoria. Not even Daniel’s love and affection move her in quite the same way. She’d started feeling this pull in the café, when Rhiannon looked thoughtfully from Lenna to Jacob and said, “Maybe you want to come to Halcyon for a while?” When Lenna demurred, Rhiannon gave her this whole speech—a sales pitch, really—about feeling stuck and wanting answers and making meaningful friendships. “Maybe you think,If only I could get away. If only I had time to really think, reallybreathe,” she said. And then something else about living the dream with the stars as their witnesses.
If someone else had said all this, she would have laughed, or thought they were trying to indoctrinate her. But coming from Rhiannon, it was tempting. And flattering; Rhiannon wanted to spend time with her again. They parted ways with Lenna saying she couldn’t get away, but the invitation stuck with her, germinating, until it shot from the soil, seeking sunlight.
And yet. The same question she’d wondered at the café last week still lingers:Aren’t you the littlest bit mad at me? Are we ever going to talk about that?
“Your other residents seem interesting,” she says, deciding to change the subject. “Everyone is so different. I can see some of them choosing this life. Like who’s the one who takes care of the animals?”
“Ann.”
“Right. She makes sense. But others—like that one girl, the chef? She’s just a teenager.”
Rhiannon shrugs. “Coral came here when she was under eighteen. I don’t know the story behind that, but she somehow convinced Marjorie to let her stay even though you’re supposed to be an adult and pay into the group fund. She’s totally sweet, but I feel like it was some sort of abusive household situation, maybe.”
“What about Gia?” Lenna glances at Rhiannon out of the corner of her eye. “She’s so…refined.”
Rhiannon’s shoulders rise and fall. “Gia’s okay. But I’d leave that situation alone.”
Lenna’s whole body stills. It’s a lot like what Rhiannon said before—about Frederick. Does Rhiannon realize?
She peeks at her friend.Surelyshe must. But Rhiannon keeps walking.
“Why should Ileave it alone?” Lenna tries to emphasize the phrase, just a little, to jog her friend’s memory.
“Just take my word for it.” Rhiannon clears her throat. “And Marjorie obviously fits here. Between the two of us, she went through major trauma with her kids a while back. Her youngest had to be kicked out of the community when he was fifteen. He wouldn’t listen to her. Or any of us. He became unstable.”
“That’s terrible.” Then Lenna realizes something. “I thought it was a rule not to talk about people’s pasts, though.”
Rhiannon peers down the mountain. “There’s no one around. Plus I thought it would be helpful for you to know what you’re getting into. Don’t tell, okay?”
Lenna is touched. She hates being out of control. That Rhiannon still recognizes this in her—she feels seen.
“Pinkie swear,” she says.
They reach the top of the mountain. From this vantage, they can see north for miles, straight to the Catalina Mountains, dusky blue and far away. Hills of cacti jut here and there. Wisps of clouds float through the sparkling blue sky. Far in the distance, Lenna can see the haze of…a road, maybe. It’s hard to imagine. This place feels like its own planet.
Lenna feels a buzz at her hip. It’s her phone. When she pulls it out and looks at the screen, a bunch of emails have rolled in. Some voice mails, too. One is confirming a hair appointment Lenna forgot she made. Another is to tell her that her car is due for inspection. She thinks of it, inert, sitting in the garage. There are some missed calls from Daniel. Lenna notes the time stamps. He called after they talked a half hour ago. He hasn’t left any messages, though.
“Yeah, you get actual cell service up here,” Rhiannon explains, noticing Lenna checking her screen. “It’s the only spot on the property where you’re able to use a provider’s plan. The Wi-Fi’s good inother places around the property, though—Marjorie’s installed a lot of hot spots.”
At the top of the hill is a long, flat rock. Rhiannon sets the lunch bag on it, undoes the flaps, and pulls out a silicone baggie of homemade potato chips. Then she hands back Jacob. For a moment, Lenna is nervous about taking her own baby, and then immediately feels guilty. Lenna unclips her nursing bra and puts the baby to her chest, and after he sucks for a bit, he grows drowsy in the sun and the heat. She tries to feel relaxed, too. For him…but for herself. She can feel her hand clenching and unclenching.
