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“Just haven’t found the right person, I guess.” Then she lookedat Lenna again. “So you aren’t dating that guy from your office? I saw you leaving with him a few weeks ago, and I thought…”
“Frederick? No.” Lenna’s cheeks flushed. It was weird, the notion of random people seeing them leaving together. Sometimes, she forgot howvisibleshe was in the world. “I don’t think that’s going to turn into anything.”
When Lenna didn’t offer anything else, Gillian shrugged. “Well. Guys kinda suck anyway.”
“Yeah.”And so do friends, sometimes,Lenna added in her head.
As if reading her mind, Gillian cleared her throat. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’d your buddy go? The woman, I mean. The redhead.”
Lenna dared to look at her. “I don’t really know.”
Gillian frowned. “What’s that mean?”
“She went to Oregon. But…I don’t know why.”
“But aren’t you guys close?”
“Ithoughtwe were…”
Gillian concentrated on the road. “I don’t want this to come out the wrong way, but she was kind of a bitch. I was always trying to be nice to her, but she was cold. Mean, even.”
Lenna lowered her eyes. She thought about how Rhiannon said Gillian just wasn’t hervibe.How her whole face closed when Gillian was around. She couldn’t even stand it when Gillian was at that office party, all the way across the bar.
“She said you both didn’t want me around,” Gillian added.
Lenna looked at her. “Rhiannon spoke forme?”
“Yeah. She was like,Please leave Lenna and me alone.It was kind of my worst nightmare. I’ve really struggled with talking to people. The whole thing kind of gave me a panic attack.”
“I’m sorry,” Lenna said. “I don’t know why she would say that. It isn’t how I feel.” Not exactly, anyway.
Lenna should have seen herself in Gillian. She suffered the same awkwardness, after all; sometimes it bordered on anxiety. What was Rhiannon’s problem? It felt insensitive for Rhiannon to push someone away just for being nice. They should have given Gillian more grace.
Then Gillian pulled in a breath. “I’m guessing you don’t know about her and that guy, either.”
Lenna frowned.“Guy?”
“The guy you went on that date with. It was at that party, with your shoe? Before I saw you. But I feel really weird about saying this…”
Lenna’s heart started pounding. “What are you talking about?”
Gillian blew out a breath. “I was in the back hallway, going to the women’s room. And there’s this extra little alcove behind the bathrooms—just wasted space. I heard people back there. I don’t know what made me look, but your friend—she kind of lunged at him for a kiss. Frederick.”
Lenna blinked hard. “What?”
“So I was kind of confused when you were going out with him a few days later. And when you said it didn’t work out just now, I figured Rhiannon had something to do with it, but now, maybe…”
Lenna felt dizzy. Was this why Rhiannon told Lenna to leave him alone—because she liked him, too?Annoyance filled her, hot and thick. She’d told Rhiannon she liked Frederick before that party. If Rhiannon had feelings for him, too, she should have said so instead of secretly kissing him in a hallway. She felt bad for how she’d ignored Frederick, too—and maybe for no good reason.
“Sorry.” Gillian’s voice cracked. “I’m not trying to cause trouble. I just…sometimes, you don’t know about people. You think they have your back, and then…they don’t.”
“Huh,” Lenna said in a faraway voice. “Maybe that’s true.”
Even considering that about Rhiannon felt like a betrayal. And yet, as soon as the words left her lips, Lenna felt better. Validated, at least, and not so bereft in Rhiannon’s absence.
A couple days later, Lenna parked at a small side street meter just off Santa Monica. Gillian strode up to her, running shoes on her feet, sunglasses propped on her head.
“I love this neighborhood,” she said, gesturing around. “I like to pretend I live here.”
