AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Nothing cleaner than the smell of a lemon,” Amy says happilyas she unlatches the goat pen. Immediately, the animals wander over, gently butting their heads into Amy’s side.
“Lookie!” Lenna murmurs to Jacob, trying to point him toward the goats. He stares at them with interest, wearing his same serious baby expression. She wonders what he’s seeing.
“This one’s Jamie, and she’s Colonel Saunders,” Amy says, petting a white goat and a large brown one with floppy ears. “We’ll milk them.” She glances at Jacob in his sling. “You take him everywhere, huh?”
“I like having him with me. Plus, I mean, I don’t want to stick him with any of you. I know, I know, you’ve all said it’s fine—it’s a me problem.”
“Doesn’t it hurt your back?”
“Not really.”
Though actually, Amy is right. Her backkillstoday. She hadn’t realized how sedentary she is in her normal life, how much time she and Jacob spend on the couch.
Amy retrieves a pail from a small shed and brings it over. “You know, when I first got here with Matilda and realized that I didn’t have to be watching her every second, it really opened me up. I’d been so laser focused, with her illness, and once I realized I didn’t have to be that anymore…it was a relief.”
“I can’t believe she was justcured,” Lenna gushes. “What was she diagnosed with, exactly?”
“We don’t like giving it a name these days. We’ve already wasted too much time on it.”
“But she doesn’t need medications, doctor’s appointments?”
“She’s better.”
“And how long did it take for her to feel better?”
Amy goes still. “It’s not like I kept a meticulous diary. I just let this place do its thing.”
“Oh. Of course.” There’s an edge to Amy’s voice. Lenna feelslike she’s misstepped. “I just thought…if this place can heal so well, you should tell the whole world. It’s a miracle.”
Amy softens again. “I suppose you’re right. My hope, of course, is that Matilda stays here forever. She’s healthiest here. Anywhere else…it’s a crapshoot.”
“Does she like it here?”
“Sure. She’s doing great. Really learning life skills, and she and Coral are two peas in a pod. So devoted to each other.”
Like me and Rhiannon,Lenna thinks. But thoughts of Rhiannon are like a pebble in her shoe.
Amy squats down beneath Colonel Saunders and casually starts milking her. The goat just stands there placidly. “Do you think being here has made you a better mother?” Lenna asks.
“I think I kind of let go of the good-mother-or-bad-mother dichotomy a long time ago. But sure. I found a cure for my baby. I feel like I’ve won.” Milk squirts into the bucket. It makes a tinny sound as it lands. “Is that something you worry about? Being a good mother?”
“Well, yeah.” There’s a lump in her throat. “I mean, the crying…it feels directed atme.”
“All babies cry. Some more than others. It isn’t your fault.”
“When will it stop feeling like it is?”
“Maybe never.” Amy smiles sadly. “But I’ll put it this way: We aren’t judging you.”
Lenna shuts her eyes. “I also feel like if I was a better person, I’d be a better mother.”
“C’mon. All babies really need is food and warmth and love.” Amy stops milking and looks at Jacob. “Seems he’s getting all three.”
Lenna looks away. “I hope so.”
Squirt, squirt, squirt.“Man, did you even carry the baby to theouthouses?” Amy asks out of nowhere, gesturing to the baby. “That couldn’t have been fun.”
“…Outhouses?”
