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The nurses whisked him away to weigh him, clean him off, and test his reflexes. Rhiannon drifted over to survey what they were doing; she didn’t want to face her mom. Leaving again would be awkward. She had to at least wait until Johnny got there. They’d tried to call him on the way to the hospital but his phone was off—Joanna said that he didn’t check it when he was working. A coworker said he’d pass on the message, but Johnny still hadn’t shown up.
The nurses placed the baby under a warming lamp, but they said Rhiannon could move closer and touch him. She felt like declining would seem rude—it wasn’t like Joanna was making any moves to go over there—so she stepped in front of the lamp to say hello. The baby was still wiggling, and his eyes were closed. She touched the edge of his hand with one finger. So quickly, the baby’s little hand closed around it. Hard.
Rhiannon stared down, struck dumb. Then he opened his eyes and looked at her. Reallylookedat her. Rhiannon looked back. There was a person in there. A little soul.
Her insides wobbled. She didn’t want kids. Shedidn’t.Or…did she not want them simply because of what she’d gone through? She believed what she’d told Joanna about how she thought she was a better person. She’d never be the sort of woman her mother was. And yet, if she left this kid here, with Joanna and Johnny…
She shut her eyes, took a long, slow breath in, and then let it out again.
There would be paperwork. Adoption forms. Legal fees. She needed to start that process. Reality began to dawn on Rhiannon. She didn’t want to make a life here and see her mother or Johnny on a regular basis. But LA didn’t seem like an option, either. She didn’t even have a job there anymore, her closest friend wanted nothing to do with her, and evenifRhiannon wanted to call Lenna, she didn’t have her number anymore, and she was too proud to go hunting for it.
A commune,Rhiannon thought wistfully. It suddenly felt like the perfect idea. It wasn’t like she had anything to lose. But were communities open to babies? Did that exist? Along with compiling the paperwork she’d need to start the adoption process, she would look into communities, too.
The day turned to evening. Joanna looked exhausted. Labor had taken everything out of her. Rhiannon figured she should let her rest, so she told the nurses to take the baby to the nursery and went downstairs to the cafeteria for coffee. She felt a rush of excitement. She would give this baby—Teddy,the name formed in her mind—a wonderful life.
After an hour, she returned to her mother’s room, figuring she’d given her mother enough time to rest. But Joanna wasn’t in her bed.
“Joanna?” she called. She’d never gotten used to calling herMom.“Hello?”
The sheets were mussed. There was still a foam cup of ice on the little tray. Rhiannon thought her mother might just be in the shower, but when she went to check, the bathroom was empty. Her mother’s purse was gone. A strange, gnawing feeling began to worm its way through her gut.
One of the nurses brought Teddy back into the room. “Ready for a feed,” she cooed, and then looked at the empty bed in surprise. “Oh. Where’s Mom?”
“Um, in the bathroom,” Rhiannon blurted, her heart hammering. She pointed at the en suite bathroom in the corner. “She’ll be out in a sec. I’ll do it.”
She took the bottle the nurse had prepared and settled into the chair. She’d never fed a baby before; the nurse had to show her how. As the baby drank the bottle, Rhiannon looked around. She would call Joanna, she knew, but she had a sinking feeling Joanna wouldn’t answer. And then what? Would she tell the nurses? She hadn’t even called the lawyer yet.
Rhiannon knew the legality of things. The delivery had moved so quickly that they hadn’t even explained to the staff that Joanna wouldn’t be caring for the baby. The staff would never give Rhiannon permission to walk out of here with Teddy. A terrible thought crossed her mind: What if they took the baby away from Joanna…andRhiannon? A mother abandoning her child was irresponsible. Child Protective Services would deem Joanna unfit. But Rhiannon doubted they’d just cede the baby to her.
She bundled Teddy up, took as many diapers and sample bottles of formula from the room as she could fit in her tote, and left. She took the stairs. No alarms blared. But when she saw how many security guards stood in the lobby, she panicked. She couldn’t let them see her walking out with a baby. There were probablyprotocol measures in place. Her gaze fell on an emergency exit. An alarm would sound if she went through that door, but it was the risk she had to take.
She dove through the door. As she expected, the alarm blared, but she was in the parking garage before she heard shouts. It was an old hospital; she wasn’t sure how many cameras were on doors or in garages anyway. She got to her car and stopped, realizing she hadn’t installed a car seat. Of course she hadn’t. She hadn’t banked on having a newborn here.
She opened the door and sat gingerly in the driver’s seat. In the footwell on the passenger side was a cardboard box; the baby fit perfectly inside. It was an insane solution, illegal in so many ways, but it felt like the only choice. Shakily, she backed out and fell in line behind another car heading for the exit. No one searched them. She stuck her ticket in the pay console, fed the machine a dollar, and the gate lifted for her to leave.
She started to drive. There was a Walmart close by; she stopped in and bought a car seat, blankets, bottles, formula, all the while with the baby cradled in her coat.What else, what else?Her mind was spinning. She was a fugitive. She had a baby who was less than a day old.
She kept going. The first few nights, she stayed at a motel outside town, unsure what to do next. She didn’t know where she could go. What had she done? How would she keep this baby alive? Every time she stepped into a store to buy more formula or diapers, she felt marked. And surely he needed to see a doctor?
And then, two weeks after she’d fled the hospital, two weeks of going from hotel to hotel, a miracle came from out of the blue: a private response to a general query she’d put on Reddit in the hazy hours after she realized her mother wasn’t taking the baby, asking if there existed an intentional community that would take in a woman and an infant. There was a place for Rhiannon and thebaby at a community in southern Arizona, the message said—a few people just left, and some space opened up. Normally, the community only brought people in through word of mouth.But we feel for you. We are all about creating a safe place for women—a “mommune,” of sorts. And also a refuge. A home.
It was signedMarjorie Clark.
28
Lenna
October
Present day
The room feels too small and hot. Lenna and Sarah look at the blocked searches once more. Then they look at each other.
“Marjorie,” Sarah whispers.
“Yes,” Lenna agrees. They need answers. This has gone too far. Something is very wrong here. And there are children in this house.Babies.And a mother is missing, possibly dead.
Jacob.She bolts into the corridor, terrified she’s made a mistake leaving him with Amy. But to her relief, Amy is coming down from the other direction, Jacob in her arms. She frowns when she sees Lenna. “Is Rhiannon back?”
