AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Valerie did not know what to say. She turned her attention to her cross-stitch. For some reason, talking about the doctor made a twinge of unease pass through her. He had a furious look about him when they last met and Valerie did not get another chance to talk about that piece of paper after the sad demise of one of his patients. What was in it that should concern her?
“I apologize if I overstepped my bounds,” Miss Karnstein said.
“No, it’s alright. He’s one of my husband's best friends and a very adept doctor, that’s all.”
“I see. I haven’t had the opportunity to chat with Sir Ethan yet, but it’s clear that he is dedicated to this town. You must be proud of him, Mrs. Vertigo.”
“Miss Karnstein, I’d rather talk about something else if you’d be so kind.”
Valerie fidgeted in her seat, the glint of her wedding ring blinding her for a moment. That was pitiful. Her guest did not have a clue about the turmoil shaking the town. She did not know her humiliation or her husband’s obsession for absolute power. She did not know Vertigo Peaks was crumbling around them. Why did she feel compelled to hide everything? Wasn’t this the same secrecy that condemned her to isolation? Had it not made the townspeople hostile to her when all she wanted was a happy marriage? If, she thought, a loveless face was all she could see, was it not her right to look away?
She gripped her hand to steady a tremor and tried to find her calm voice. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but our marriage is hardly a success. The truth is I don’t know who I am but a bride of Ethan Vertigo. I don’t know what I’ll do if I no longer serve people or be a dutiful wife.”
Her guest did not smile but her face softened a little. The glow of fire engulfed the edges of her jaw, painting it orange and red, casting patches of amber between her knuckles. Memory was a cold thing, she came to understand, yawning like a hole in her head. It took more than it needed, remembered more than necessary, and molded itself on a whim.
“I am ashamed to admit this,” she continued, almost choking on her tears, “but I had a more selfish intention than relieving your pain when I took you into this house. I was hoping… Perhaps, your presence would suffice to turn the tide. To help me repair my relationship with this town which, for some reason, refuses to accept my position.”
Miss Karnstein listened to her in silence, her lips pressed together firmly, and Valerie thought she would storm out of the room and never come back. Tears threatened to fall again, her throat was closing with a stinging sensation, when Miss Karnstein left her seat and sat next to her. She leaned forward and stroked a strand of hair out of her face.
“My dearest Lady Valerie,” whispered Miss Karnstein, her gaze lingering on the curve of her lips, “why must you burden yourself with such… unnecessary anxieties?”
Valerie traced her finger on the emerald stone. “But, Miss Karnstein, how can I not? The town deems me a wisp of a woman. What do I have to offer if not embroidery, insincere pleasantries, and year-long visits and parties?”
Miss Karnstein placed her hand over hers, the coldness of her touch chasing away the warmth of the fire. “I do not believe you’re any more selfish than everyone else,” she said, her voice a soft breeze on Valerie’s nose. “Or think that you need to provide proof, give them a truth they cannot reject, to be worthy of love and respect. If that’s what you wish, I’ll help you, of course. But my darling, your merit does not reside in man-made accomplishments, nor worth in arbitrary pronouncements. You are not a creature to be tested or proven. I cherish you for who you are—a woman of kindness and compassion, and a heart that sings to me.”
She put her hand over Valerie’s heart. It thumped against her chill palm, taking on meaning, perhaps for the first time. Her voice was low and slightly husky. “Know that in my eyes, you will always be worthy and always loved.”
Valerie was getting ready to sleep when she heard a knock on her door. She had been sitting in front of the fire for a while now, watching the flames curl around the logs and lick at the top of the hearth. She could not get Miss Karnstein’s words out of her head and felt guilty for indulging in a fantasy of another life. She pondered what that would look like, yet all she saw was a dark void, yawning to swallow her whole.
“Come in,” she said.
Miss Karnstein poked her head in. “I wanted to check how you were doing. You rather left the parlor in a hurry, Mrs. Vertigo.” She was wringing her hands and biting her lip. “Have I hurt you?”
Valerie wiped a tear rolling down her cheek. “Oh gosh, no.” She patted the cushion next to her. “Would you like to join me?”
After a long period of silence, Miss Karnstein nudged her elbow. “I’ve wanted to ask you this for a while. What would you like your life to be?”
“I don’t know,” she stammered, thinking about the void. She found herself awakened and agitated by the bluntness of the question. “I guess I’ve always believed someone else carved a place for me—even the slightest. I did not have to think about it before.”
“Well, think now. There’s nothing off limits. Anything you desire.”
She became nervous. Her hands were shaking so she hid them under the cushion. There was a tingling in her spine, against her face; a stirring, white-hot thing. “I don’t know,” she repeated, “My mind fails to comprehend such a possibility.”
“Let me help you then,” Miss Karnstein said. “I’ll go first.” Her finger was idly tracing patterns on the worn rug. “I’m warm and from where I sit, I can see the moon. The night hums with the echoes of distant crowds. Promises, bargains, confessions. There’s something else—someone. With me. I hear the heartbeat, as fast as mine, and it’s so close. I want to cradle it, feel its mooring lines on my lips. Then I see the grieving face, perpetually perplexed, almost sinking, unreconciled, from my sight. I sit—It’s a woman. I recognize the face. It’s a face I’ll never forget.”
Valerie looked up, meeting Miss Karnstein’s gaze. She smiled. “She holds my gaze and I smile. I want to look at her a little longer if she lets me. I want to know what she would do if I touched her.”
Miss Karnstein reached out hesitantly, her fingers brushing against Valerie’s cheek. The touch, light as a feather, sent a jolt of electricity through her chest. Miss Karnstein shifted on her cushion and leaned closer. The gaze of her intensity made Valerie’s breath catch in her throat. Valerie wanted her fierceness to take over her, to remember the way her eyes flickered for the rest of her life. All meaning was forgotten between their hands: hers pressing lightly against her guest’s cheek, Miss Karnstein’s going up her waist.
The sight of her lingered, craving for more; the air crackled between them, charged with unnamed pleasures buried deep in her mind.
“What my heart screams,” Valerie said, her voice barely a whisper, “my mouth cannot speak. It’ll destroy us both.”
Miss Karnstein’s lips curled in a knowing smile. “Don’t say it then. Just show me, Valerie.”
A mouth opened next to hers, teeth flashing in the moonlight. Mircalla was next to her, lips parted, and Valerie had never felt this flesh of hers undulate this way before. She had been waiting for this moment and now it stood before her. She could almost taste it: sweet, dizzying, tender.
“Valerie,” Mircalla breathed, her name a caress on Valerie’s lips. “Say my name.”
