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The valet already has my car ready and waiting for me. I nod his way, taking the keys from his outstretched hand and sliding behind the wheel. Once I close the door and pull into traffic I let out a breath.
Okay, I guess I’m doing this.
Pulling up the app on my personal phone, I click on the tracking software I installed on Avamarie’s phone. I had tried to convince myself I was doing it as a precaution. Just in case I need to find her to take out the threat of her existence if she tries anything. Even I wasn’t buying my own bullshit though.
Indicating my signal, I head in the direction of my loose end. The only one that’s ever been allowed to keep breathing.
The feelings coursing through me are unfamiliar. Each time the tall, lanky kid touches Avamarie I exhale an angry burst of air through my nose. It’s like he’s waving a red flag in my face and I’m the bull waiting to be released so I can impale him for the audacity.
In my long forty-eight years of existence I have never experienced anything this intense. Well, except for the sensations and emotions that flooded through me last night. It all comes back to this new fixation of mine.
I don’t like to acknowledge the concern that fills me when I watch her stumble out of the vehicle to bend over and vomit. I had been careful when performing CPR on her so I know there isn’t any real damage done but it appears her body is still reelingfrom the shock of briefly visiting the afterlife before being yanked back.
The boy grabs her arm and helps her back into the truck. My fingers grip the wheel so hard I can hear the leather creaking in protest. My hold tightens even further when he leans over her to buckle the seat belt.
What is wrong with me?
Forcing myself to remain in the car and not snatch the handgun from my center console, I wait for him to pull back onto the road.
They take off in the opposite direction of their previous destination and I can’t help but wonder where they are heading now. My curiosity is quickly satisfied as we approach the exit for the nearest hospital. Another foreign emotion hits me as I follow the car.
Fuck, this girl is going to be the death of me.
Grumbling under my breath, I pull into the parking lot, digging through my glove compartment before slipping out of my car.
First, jealousy over some kid who could be my own if I had ever bothered to have them.
Second, gratitude of all things.
Fucking gratitude.
I don’t do grateful. I do fear, I do lust, I do anger but I do not do caring for another human.
Never have.
My mind flashes back to all the countless times I have mercilessly butchered men and women without a second thought. To all the fights I got into growing up. To all the times I repeatedly extinguished any form of humanity inside of me until there was nothing left but a tired old man living on rage and pain.
Avamarie’s bent over body as she heaved repeatedly flashes in my mind and my chest aches at the unfamiliar feelings the image invokes.
Apparently now I do.
Grumbling under my breath, I stomp toward the main hospital entrance, slipping on the hospital ID I had grabbed from my car. Not only do I have to deal with these new emotions assaulting me, I’ve also given myself babysitting duty.
I give a tight smile to the security guard and slip into the back.
Time to see what kind of damage I did.
“There shouldn’t be any lasting damage.” I hear the deep rumble from the doctor speaking to Avamarie. My shoulders release tension that I didn’t realize they were carrying.
I shouldn’t care. Idon’tcare.
I can’t hear if anyone says anything else but quiet cries sound behind the thin privacy curtain. My fingers flex with a need to do something.
Pulling out my phone, I type a quick message and hit send. A soft ding sounds and the cries slow before stopping. A smugness envelopes me at the knowledge I stopped her tears.
I don’t care.
Shaking myself, I try to believe the words but each time I have to tell myself them, the less I can pretend they’re true.
