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I blink back the tears, I’ve never been treated like I’m a person before at a medical office. Not in this way at least. Following behind her, we stop in front of a tall metal scale and I climb on backwards. True to her word, Emily doesn’t say a word as she writes down the number and helps me off the scale. “Thank you.” I whisper, staring at the floor.
A gentle hand lands on my arm and I look up. “Of course sweetie. We’re here to help.” She smiles at me with genuine compassion shining on her face. I return her smile with a shaky one of my own.
We resume our journey down the hall and enter a small exam room. Indicating a chair next to a computer attached to the wall by a large mechanical arm, Emily steps in front of the computer. “Okay, just a few questions before I get the provider.” She assures me as she begins typing.
I look around the room as I wait for the questions. There are a few pictures throughout the space, a mixture of anatomical diagrams of the female reproductive system and calming photos of scenery and animals. If I was here for any other reason, I would find them to be comforting.
Emily asks something and it brings my attention back to her. “I’m so sorry, what?” I ask.
Amusement fills her eyes as she looks at me and back at the screen. The human emotion makes me feel a little more at ease, like I’m less of a science experiment or inconvenience and rather another human being. “No need to apologize, I’m sure you’ve got a lot on your mind. I asked if you knew when your last menstrual cycle was.” I answer and we go through several more mundane medical questions.
Glancing at me, Emily pauses before warning, “Okay, so I have a few more that can be a little more uncomfortable. If you don’t want to answer any, please know that is okay and you can just tell me ‘pass’, okay?” I swallow and nod, nervous butterflies filling my stomach. Emily taps on the keyboard and looks back at me, quietly asking, “Do you have any sexual trauma that you would like to discuss with the provider?”
My heart hammers in my chest.
Do I have any? Yes. Do I want to talk about it?
I think for a moment.
Also yes. But can I? Absolutely not.
My eyes avert and I mumble, “Pass.”
Keys tap and Emily continues, “Would you feel more comfortable having someone else in the room during the exam?”
My eyes widen. I’ve never been asked that before, never even thought it was an option. I suddenly realize that I would feel more comfortable and Idowant someone here with me.
I nod in response and she gives me another soft smile. “Got it. Last couple then I’ll get Dr. Lareu. Your chart said you were here to discuss abortion.” I nod again. “Would you like to discuss your other options or prefer to proceed with the information solely on abortion?” She waits patiently, fingers hovering over her keyboard.
My neck is going to get whiplash from the amount of surprises this wonderful woman is throwing my way. I thought for sure this visit would be filled with material on and pressure to “find another way”. I never imagined I would be able to proceed with my own decision without all the added bullshit.
“I’d like to just proceed.” I murmur and she nods.
“Okay last one, and this one’s actually pretty easy.” She winks at me and the last remaining tension leaves my body. “Did you take any over the counter pain medication before coming in?”
I nod again, “Yes.” I answer. “The receptionist said to take a couple ibuprofen about half an hour before so I did.” A pang of nervousness hits me.
Emily beams. “Wonderful. Well that’s it from me. I’m going to go get the provider and I’ll be in the room when she performs the exam as well.” She clicks a couple more keys and ducks out of the room. My fingers tug on the hem of my shirt as I wait.
Fifteen minutes later a quiet knock sounds on the door. “Come in.” I call.
The door creaks open and a gorgeous red-haired woman strides into the room. She’s dressed in a pair of smart slacks, a patterned shirt and a pair of foam clog shoes that bring a smile to my face.
Oh she’s great.
I’m at ease in the presence of yet another medical professional who appears to be down-to-earth. “Hi Miss Marcia, I’m Dr. Lareu.” She extends her hand to me and I shake it, surprised by the chill of her skin. “So I see you are here to discuss getting an abortion, is that correct?” She waits expectantly for me to answer.
The nervousness returns in full force as I look away and mumble, “Yes, if that’s alright.”
Dr. Lareu lets out a breath and I hear the squeak of the rolling chair as she slides in front of my gaze. Her eyes are kind as she meets mine. “Honey, it’s more than okay. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t we talk about it, yeah?”
I lose the battle with my hormones and the tears slip down my face as we go through all the information again. She hands me a box of tissues without otherwise acknowledging my emotional state. After a dozen questions, she pushes away from the computer again. “Okay, that’s all I need. Would you like to proceed with the abortion today?” She clasps her hands in her lap.
I’m taken aback.
Today? I can do thistoday?
Clearing my throat, I voice my inner questions. “I can do this today? Don’t I have to wait or something?”
