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Wrapping my arms around myself, I creep down the hallway toward the soft sounds coming from the kitchen. “Killian, why-” My question cuts off mid sentence as I round the corner and find a small blonde haired woman where I expected to see the tallbrooding man. “Fallon?” I squeak, quickly looking around for the missing giant.
Turning toward me with a soft smile, Fallon reaches out and pulls me into her arms. “Oh Ava, I was so worried.” I still in her embrace, shame washing over me. Pulling back, she holds me at arms length, studying my face. “I’m so glad you’re okay babe.”
My eyes prick with unshed tears as I see hers glistening behind her glasses. “I’m sorry.” I whisper, looking down at the ground.
Stupid, useless bitch. See what you’ve done? You were so consumed with yourself you didn’t even think how it would affect others.
A pang of guilt hits me as a reminder of the last time I allowed my selfishness to affect someone else flashes through my mind. I choose not to think about my abortion, pushing aside the memories like it’s a bad dream but I can’t fight against them now. Not when I’m suffocating from the consequences of my actions. Again.
The tears in my eyes begin to overflow, running down my cheeks and falling to the floor. I watch as each drop splats on the tile.
I deserve this pain. I deserve so much worse.
A small hand grips my shoulder, squeezing. “Hey.” Fallon murmurs, ducking her head to meet my gaze. “It’s okay babe.”
I sniffle, shaking my head.
“It’s okay.” She repeats, massaging my tense muscles under her hand. When I don’t respond, she nudges me with her shoulder. “Why don’t we put on some trashy tv and catch up?”
My heart aches at her quiet suggestion, an overwhelming sadness replacing the emptiness. “Okay.” I whisper, my shoulders slumping. I turn and make my way over toward the couch, picking up the remote and sifting through the various streaming services. My mind wanders as title after title crosses the screen.
I hate that she’s here but I also missed her so much. I should have reached out to her sooner.
My thumb freezes before clicking to the next show.
Wait. How did she know?
I slowly turn toward Fallon, watching as she pulls the bowl of popcorn from the microwave. When she turns to face me, I lift the remote, pointing it at her as a shaky weapon. “Why are you here?” I demand, my hackles raised in suspicion.
Fallon’s eyes shift away and back several times, she gulps nervously before answering. “Um, Killian called me.” She admits, setting the bowl down and raising her hands. “I swear I’m just here for you though.”
I stare at her in disbelief. “So, what? You guys are just buddy buddy?” I grow more agitated with each accusation. “Texting one another? Laughing about how stupid I am?” My voice cracks.
Image after image of the two people I thought cared flash through my mind. The two laughing at my expense, spending time together, getting closer.
Was it all just a lie?
Before she can respond, I drop the remote, the sound of it hitting the floor loud in the quiet space. She flinches, eyes wide. “How could you?” I whisper, tears flowing down my face again as I turn and sprint down the hall.
I glance briefly at Killian’s room but refuse to go in there, not when he’s betrayed me yet again. Deciding the pain of heartbreak is worse than the trauma of my failed suicide attempt, I leap into what I once considered my room, slamming the door shut behind me.
A soft knock sounds on the wood as I lean back against it and sink to the floor. “Ava?” Fallon calls from the other side of the door.
Hugging my knees to my chest, I tuck my head into them as I try to ignore her.
Fallon tries again, her voice filled with false concern. “Ava, babe. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away but IswearI’m here for you.”
Sure you are.
A sob wracks my body at her lie.
Why? Why does this keep happening to me?
A thump sounds through the door. “Fuck him, Ava. I loveyou. Please know that.” She begs.
I sob harder, digging my nails into the bare skin of my arms.
Lies. All lies.
