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Nope, not going there again. You just stopped crying.
My gaze travels down my body and I see bruising across my chest. Narrowing my eyes, I try to remember when that happened. I’m pulled from my thoughts as Tyler pounds on the door again.
Shuffling to my closet, I quickly change into a baby blue bikini and a pale yellow sundress. Throwing my hair up on my head, I call out, “One moment!” The pounding stops and I breathe a sigh of relief. The meds reduced the pain but didn’t erase it so the loud noise was not doing my head any favors.
Rushing to the bathroom, I splash cold water on my face and apply my spf moisturizer. I find myself wishing I wore makeup. Usually I’m more than happy with my natural look but my face desperately needs the assistance today.
Brushing my teeth, I try to erect a wall between the memories of last night and my mind. Today is supposed to be fun and there’s no way I can do that if my head is full of…
Seriously, stop.
I sniffle and add another brick to the mental wall. By the time I have gotten ready and grabbed my things, I have a halfway decent separation built up.
My eyes land on the photo propped next to my bed just as I go to leave. Pausing, I pick it up and run my fingers along the glass. Tyler and I smile at the camera, he has his arm thrownover my shoulder. The photo was taken during summer break last year while we were out on a hike. Each dressed in shorts, hiking boots, and tank tops. Our joy shines through and I latch onto that emotion.
Let’s go. Let Tyler take your mind off Killian and the chaos he brought with him.
Taking a deep breath, I gently set down the frame and head toward the front door. Pulling it open, I gasp as Tyler stumbles backwards into me. “Oh shit, sorry Ava.” He laughs, catching himself and turning to face me. His eyes roam over my body and widen as he takes in the bruising visible on my chest. “What the fuck happened?” He murmurs, softly running his fingers along the discoloration.
A shiver runs through my body but it’s not the same as the ones I experienced last night. This time the feeling of fingers gliding along my skin feels wrong.
Or it’s the wrong person’s fingers?
I stamp down the thought and throw a match on it for good measure.
I amnotwanting Killian to be the one gingerly examining my wounds. Iamwanting Tyler, like I always have.
Nothing’s changed.
You sure about that?
It’s that same part of me that took over last night that’s arguing so vehemently that I want the man who choked the life out of me. The same part of me that called him sir and would have done anything he asked.
Shaking my head, I return my focus to Tyler who is still studying my chest with concern etched into his face. I place a hand over his and he looks into my eyes, his grey ones burning. “It’s nothing, let’s just go yeah? We’re late.” I push his hand away and start down the hall toward the elevator.
During the ride down, it hits me that Tyler had his hand on my chest. I wait for the butterflies, for my face to flush. I’m met with nothing. Just like when I pushed his hand away, my body doesn’t react to him.
I pick at the skin next to my nails, my arms at my side.
Nothing’s changed.
I repeat over and over.
Nothing’s changed.
But when Tyler exits the elevator and I catch sight of his body, I don’t feel the familiar pull of desire.
Nothing’s changed.
I repeat my mantra all the way to his truck. Climbing into the cab, I buckle up and that annoying voice breaks through my attempts of denial.
Everything’s changed.
The drive to the lake is filled with awkward silence. Each attempt at conversation ending in one of us trailing off, respectively getting lost in our own thoughts.
I don’t know what’s distracting Tyler so much but I am very aware of the cause of mine. Despite my carefully constructed barrier, the moment that little voice whispered inside, the entire structure collapsed. Memories came flooding through again and I have not been able to stop thinking about the tall, dark stranger who held my life in his hands. Literally.
I shift in my seat, attempting to alleviate some of the aching between my thighs. Hyper aware of Tyler sitting next to me, I try to suppress the flinch from my pained chest as I move. He flicks his eyes toward me, narrowing them slightly and pursing his lips.
