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She brings two glasses of water, handing one to me. Her mascara is smudged on her right side, probably from when she was sleeping. This is exactly how I like her best—perfectly imperfect. She takes her hair down from the clip in the back and shakes it out.
“Does it still give you a headache when your hair has been in up for too long? I remember after ball games you would have a headache, and I would massage your scalp.” This is such a personal, insignificant memory. It’s not the prom or the first time we kissed or the first time we explored each other.
It’s something so small that it aches to still remember it.
Her cheeks tighten and eyes narrow like she’s trying to hold back tears. I’ve seen this expression so many times when she would have a breakdown over not having a mom. On senior night, everyone else had both parents in attendance, but she only had her dad. Even Jessie’s divorced parents came into town to celebrate and be by Jessie’s side.
“Are we going to talk about what happened?” she asks.
“When? The part where you let a man rub your ass in public? Or what you did years…”
“Either. Both. I don’t know. How did you feel when Rome’s fingers were traveling up my leg? Did you feel anything?” A tear rolls down one cheek. “Or did you literally walk away that night and not care? I’m beginning to think I made up the fairy-tale love we had.”
My throat trembles all the way to my stomach. The entirety of my body is going to explode. I’m trying to tamp down my anger, frustration, and pain. I’ve been trained to temper my feelings, but my training didn’t include guarding the woman I’ve loved since I was twelve years old.
Before I realize it, I’m drowning in my own tears. “Fuck, do you know how bad you hurt me?”
Vanessa sniffles. “Not really. You walked away without ever reaching out to talk to me. You didn’t even try to yell at me. For all of these years I thought you were ready to leave anyway, so it gave you an excuse.”
“Leave you?” My hands clasp behind my neck as I walk around. “Leave you, yes for the military, but we had plans…together. And you destroyed everything I ever thought I knew about you.” I pause, trying to collect myself, but it doesn’t work. I’ve kept these nauseating feelings inside me for too long. I scream, “You were kissing my fucking twin brother!”
“Beau, it’s not what you think.”
She travels toward me, and I throw up my hand. “There’s no excuse you could ever give to explain it away. None. We’re identical but you knew. You just wanted a thrill. You always, always, take things too far.”
I turn to the door, wanting an escape, but I have to stay, so I make my way into the dark kitchen to put some distance between us. I place my palms on the kitchen island, and my head drops to my chest. Each vein in my heart pops.
I loved her.
So damn much.
She slams her hand against the marble. “I knew you hadn’t forgiven me,” she stammers, anguish evident in her voice.
Memories of that night come flooding back, vivid and overpowering. I remember needing to leave. Otherwise, everyone would’ve seen me being ripped in half. “I’d love to hear how Beckett was for you. How far did you go? Are we identical everywhere?” Even I can hear the vulnerability in my tone.
Hearing any of those answers might kill me. But it will keep me from wanting her and dreaming of the life we could have had.
Vanessa raises her hand to slap me, but I catch her wrist before impact.
“Fuck you, Beau Landry. If you wanted those answers you should have heard me out back then. You should have chased me down. Answered my messages…anything.” Her words lose their power until they’re only a whisper.
Electricity zings through my body when she erases the remaining distance between us. Her heavy breaths drape my neck and a burst of desire presses against my pants. She wiggles to get out of my hold while leaning into my body, feeling my erection on her belly. I need her like a hand needs another hand to hold.
I tear the thin black straps from her shoulders.
She tugs at my belt.
My lips nip and kiss her porcelain skin.
She moans as she pulls down on the zipper, letting my pants fall on the floor.
Sucking on the skin right above her breast, I feel her heart racing in complete synchronicity with mine. I need to stop this.
But it’s impossible.
ChapterEleven
VANESSA
