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My hands hover over her face until she leans into my palms. It’s as if my lungs forgot how to work. I can’t breathe. The air crackles around us even though there’s not nearly enough of it.
I push the green fabric from her shoulders, letting it land softly at our feet.
Covered with a matching bra and underwear set, she presses her skin to mine, and my body practically goes into shock. When I suck in air, it stutters before I expel a huge breath as my head dips into her neck.
“I’ve missed you so damn much,” I mumble over her shoulder. I slide my teeth over the bra strap, letting it fall onto her upper arm. Her whimpers of need make me want to serve her. Attend to her every need.
I pop the hook on her back and the bra goes slack. Fingering the fabric, I remove it from her body, then I take her breast into one hand. It’s perfect and a bit heavier than I remember.
“Beau, don’t,” she rasps.
My head snaps up and she peers into the depths of my soul. The light coming through the glass isn’t enough to see the green of her eyes, but I can see the questions swirling inside them.
Words freeze on my lips, not sure how to stop what I’ve started. What I thought she wanted too. I loosen my grasp on her chest, slowly releasing her boob, trailing her taut abdomen with my fingers. She inhales, throwing her head back.
“Don’t what? Do this?” I drop to my knees burying my nose right below her sternum.
She doesn’t answer.
“Or this?” My lips part, suctioning tiny kisses from her breast to her belly button. She has a woman’s body now. She was always tall but tiny—perfect for my boyish limbs. She’s grown with me, her hips have widened, which attracts the attention of my hands. Exploring her new body feels amazing. I make circles on her hips before I kiss one side.
Her fingers run through my hair. She’s heating from the inside out, but as I’m pulling her panties down, she tugs me up. With feathery, barely audible words, she says, “It’s not worth one night just to be shattered all over again. I can’t do this…as much as I want to.”
My heart says run for the hills. You can’t do more than one night. Remember what she did to you. My head, though? My fucking head says,you love her. The same emotion causing different opinions, all because I loved her and still love her.
“What-if it’s not one night?” I ask as I focus on my fingers twisting the ends of her hair. “What-if it’s more?”
“More isn’t enough.”
“Nessa, I know the poem isn’t directly speaking to us, but still. The haunting possibility that if today happens to be our final day and we fail to acknowledge what we truly mean to one another…it would crush me.”
I erase the few inches between us.
She stares long enough that I either need to kiss her or look away. She loves to kiss so I opt for that. Sweet pecks starting on her lips, traveling down her neck, kissing each red patch. “God, I’ve missed the way your skin reddens when you want me so bad you can’t take another moment of waiting.”
“Do you love me?” she asks, toying with the buttons on my shirt.
“Never stopped.” I place a kiss behind her ear. The tension in her muscles subsides and I continue. I can’t say the actual words out loud right now because I’m the one who can’t be crushed again.
She’s beautiful like a doe when she hears a sound—wide eyed with perfect posture.
“What about the past?”
I cover her mouth with mine. Our lips slip and slide hurriedly like this may end if we slow down. Talking about the past is just going to confuse us both. “Let’s just live in the here and now.” The more I thought about the note, it knocked the wind from my lungs. How many chances will we have? This is our moment—we’re meant to be.
Her hands fly to my belt. It’s one of those with a closure over the actual buckle, almost like a seat belt. She pulls her mouth away from mine looking between us. She tugs left and right. A smile creeps across my face as I chuckle. “Do you want me to do it?”
“What is this, a military grade belt? Your dick is locked up like Fort Knox,” she says, laughing through a hoarse throat. “Help me.”
I place my hand on top of hers and we flip the brass open, together. I press her finger against the lever which releases the belt to slide. When it's released, I remove my hand, giving her the option of what to do next.
Drowning in emotion, a powerful combination of lust and love, I’m unlocking my heart. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye so many years ago, but the dagger was so deep it was the only way I knew to cope. I left the next morning without a goodbye to two of the most important people in my life. Am I doing this? Am I giving us another shot?
I am.
She smiles as she unfastens the button and draws down the zipper. The metal teeth echo in my mind as she peels the pressed, black pants from my body. I step out of them, toeing off my shoes and socks. My boxers are tented, and as she stands back up, she touches me through the cotton fabric. I hiss, pinching my eyes as I anxiously wait for skin to skin contact.
All I can think about is sinking my fingers into her wet heat, but I want her to be in control. Last week, I lost it and want tonight to be different. A new beginning—of what—I don’t know, but hopefully we can leave the past in the past.
