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“I wouldn’t say they let me. I wouldn’t say I had parents at that time in my life.” He stares blankly over my shoulder like he’s lost in a memory. “This tattoo serves as my voice, a form of self-expression when my mom showed little to no concern. She abandoned me, leaving me to navigate life on my own. But having art etched into my skin gave me a glimmer of control. It's a tangible reminder that despite their absence, I hold the power to shape my identity and carve out my own path.”
The pain in his voice sounds like sandpaper scraping against rough wood. His eyes are focused just over my shoulder until he looks down at the water and rolls the waves of the jacuzzi with his hands. I decide to leave it there. If he wants to tell me more, he will.
“Which one was the first one?” I ask, changing the subject slightly.
He looks down at his left arm and points to the lion on his bicep.
“It’s beautiful and intricate.” The swirls make the mane look like filigree. It’s all one color, a deep blue ink with a tremendous amount of detail. The lion is standing upright with his paws up in a boxing motion and with claws extended. “Why a lion?”
“A reminder to always be brave no matter the cost.” He plays with my toes. “When I didn’t have a stepdad, I was the little man of the house and whether my mom knew it or not, I always wanted to keep her safe. At night, I checked the doors to make sure they were locked. When my stepdad came into the picture, and they sent me to boarding school, it was a shock. I had never been without my mom. It wasn’t like Hagan and Harper, whose family came to see them all the time. I had to find the courage to stay. To be on my own at twelve.
“It took courage for me to follow your dad to your house. When I saw my reflection in the mirror after practice. The lion reminded me that whatever obstacles there may be, I owe it to myself to face them head on. We’re obviously sexually compatible, and I enjoy moments like this, talking whether by text or in person, but where doyouwant this to go?” He points between us.
I shrug. “I swore of hockey players after Caleb’s dad got what he wanted from me. We dated for a month, but it was mostly going to parties and looking back, it was superficial. But my dad told the players that I was off limits and vice versa.”
“So, you started something with the hockey player out of spite?”
“Not exactly; it was subconscious. He was nice looking and even though he was a freshman, he wastheguy. The school newspaper couldn’t get enough of him. One party led to a hookup. We didn’t tell my dad and well, you know the rest.”
He caresses my shin, lapping the bubbles over and over. “How did you handle the pregnancy?”
I shake my head. “The only way I knew how. I grew up without a mom. We have that in common. Dad used to push his feelings down, so I did the same. Quit my sorority and freaked out by myself. Withdrew from school. Then we moved here as soon as Dad got out of his contract.”
“Did you ever have second thoughts about informing Caleb’s dad about him?”
“Of course. And I still do. But if he didn’t like me enough to be faithful, and not to be violent, what kind of father would he be? I want a man like my father. One who will stay and be there for his child no matter what.”
“That’s a good goal to have for your little boy. How did you tell your dad?” His hands slide up and down my shins and around to my calves, soothing me.
I chuckle. “It wasn’t a conversation any girl wants to have with their dad. But we were sitting at the kitchen table. I waited until I was four months pregnant before I told him. Reed, I was so scared. The last thing I ever wanted to do was disappoint my dad, but I did.”
“He seems to love both of you based on the text I saw.”
“He does. But his face was riddled with disappointment, especially when I refused to tell him who the father was. Eventually, he heard the guys talking about me being at hockey parties, and he figured it out. I was always careful not to be in any pictures. And the players were scared shitless that Dad would bench them. Dad quit his job the next day. Had to pay back two million dollars to the university and took the job here.”
Reed’s wheels are spinning. I can literally see him thinking. “Coach took the job at Kentucky because it was low profile, where the fans don’t care anything about hockey. To protect you, right?”
I nod.
“The team doesn’t even know Coach has a daughter. At least no one has ever mentioned it. Technically, he’s never told us that you’re off limits.” His lip curls up as a smile stretches, making me tighten my core. God, he’s hot.
“He thinks I’ve learned my lesson, and he still wants me to stay away from hockey guys.”
“I can’t say I blame him.” He reaches for my hands and pulls me into his lap. “Back to the question. What do you want?”
I move my leg and straddle him and rock over his length that isn’t at full strength but with a few strokes, it hardens.
“Cookie, I love the confidence you’re gaining, and as good as it feels, and as much as I want a round two, I’d rather have this conversation. I’ve lived through many disappointments in my life, some of my own making, but my lion gives me courage. The bravery to tell you how much I want you in my life despite the obvious drawbacks of your dad being my coach.”
“You don’t consider me having a son… a drawback?”
“Not at all.” There’s not an ounce of hesitation in his voice. “Any little person who is part of you, has to be incredible.”
I kiss his lips and then lean my nose against his. “What if we hang out for a few weeks and make sure this is something we both still want to pursue. If it is, then we’ll tell my dad, and I’ll introduce you to Caleb.”
“Can I meet Caleb during the hangout weeks? I know how important is for… us to meet. If he hates me, then it doesn’t matter how much you and I like each other. I know you’ll do what’s best for him.”
His eyes meet mine, and those stormy gray-blue eyes seem clearer, and his gaze doesn’t budge. “Okay. It’s a maybe.”
