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“I understand how images in a newspaper or on TV might impact that significantly with panic attacks.”
Alex nodded. “Yes, some times are better than others. Most of the time I don’t tell anyone, and I just get through it, but that last one scared me.”
“Maybe we can help each other then.”
“I’d like that.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Carlisle
“So, let me get this straight,” Morgan asked as Alex lazily drew musical notes with her finger across her new lover’s bare stomach the morning after the latest show. “We’re pretending we’re not sleeping together, while pretending we are, but keeping both of those ideas off the radar?”
“That pretty much sums it up,” Alex replied, stretching her neck side to side to ease out a kink, upon which Morgan reached for the spot and used practiced fingers to ease out the knot.
“Mm, that’s good.” Alex moaned, before checking the time. They still had an hour before Francine would be appearing and they’d have to jump apart.
“Because it’s not part of my job description?” Morgan smiled to herself, enjoying the shared touch, and the playfulness of post-coital lounging.
“Because that’s how it needs to be for now.” Alex smiled at her. “Francine wouldn’t like…I can lose focus when I’m interested in someone.”
“Do you think you’ve lost focus now?” Morgan rolled over to face her, more intrigued than ever. “Because I don’t want to be the cause—"
Alex considered it. “No, I think I’ve been very focused. And very relaxed.” She laughed and placed a quick kiss on Morgan’s lips. “I’ve never started something while actually on tour though, so this is all new to me in more ways than what we’ve already discussed. Usually, if I have a lover with me, it’s because it’s been someone I’ve already got a relationship of sorts with who has come on the tour with me.”
“Francine doesn’t like that?”
“Francine doesn’t like a lot of the things I do. But in the past, they could be a distraction, and Francine has a lot to do already without the added hassle of trying to actually keep a real relationship out of the press.”
“And this is a real relationship?” Morgan asked tentatively. “Is that how you see it, honestly? You can tell me otherwise if you don’t.”
Alex stopped drawing on her and sat up. “I want it to be. How are you feeling about it?”
“Honestly? A little bit terrified. It’s all been so…quick. We’re halfway through the tour and yet, I feel like I’ve been in this for much longer,” Morgan admitted sheepishly. “Despite the stereotypical lesbian jokes, I’ve never gotten this seriously involved with anyone this quickly. But I’m intrigued to find out.”
“That’s how I feel.” Alex wriggled closer. “Meeting you feels…” Her eyes searched the room for the word, before landing back on Morgan’s face. “…universal, like it was meant to be, that I was being shown something and everything else has kind of fallen into place to allow us this time to explore and experience a possibility.”
“I’m on board for that.” Morgan craned her neck to reach Alex’s mouth and kiss her gently. “But won’t Francine be annoyed if she finds out?”
“Probably, but I’m entitled to a private life, even from her.”
“And if necessary, you want the press to think you might have a lover?”
Alex sighed and rolled onto her back.
“What I want is to be anonymous and live my life in solitude, but this life is a transaction. I give them enough, and they leave me alone. So, yes, I’ll let them think I have a lover if I have to.”
“Do I get a say in the matter?”
Twisting her neck to face Morgan, Alex frowned. “Of course. You can be with me in private like we’re doing, or you can stop. I won’t force you to stay in my bed.”
“Yes, I’m aware of my choices, but ultimately, I signed up to pretend I might be a lover, now I actually am. Doesn’t that change the dynamics a bit?”
“Right now, none of that matters. It’s just you and me, here, in this bed...unless you’d rather be in your own room.”
“You’re right,” Morgan answered, pulling Alex down on top of her. “I’m happy to sleep with you, for now.”
“For now.” Alex smirked. “Because you have so many women out there who can turn you on like I can.”
