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Sitting in our living room, Hayden and I on opposite sides of the couch with Elle draped across Lance’s lap on the armchair. Hayden is currently doing a very good Captain Jack Sparrow impression at Elle’s request, making us all laugh as he sways in fake drunkenness.
We’ve been through so much; we’ve been together and apart and now together again, but in the way we were always supposed to be. I feel so fucking full of love I could burst. I watch the three people who have become my family as much as my mother and sisters, the people I want to spend the rest of my life with, and a thought bubbles in my chest. The last reservation I had about our little arrangement, one that would have to be broached carefully…
“I want kids.” The words blurt out of my mouth before I can catch them and I sink in my seat, my eyes wide in embarrassment.
Their amusement dies and six eyes stare at me. I should take that back, but it’s true and it’s out there now.
“Big guy,” Hayden sighs. “If you want me to carry your babies, I’m gonna need a ring on my finger.”
Lance laughs at the joke but I find my heart pummelling my ribcage. Elle untangles herself from my cousin and comes to sink onto my lap, wrapping one arm around my shoulders and laying one hand over the centre of my chest. She can probably feel the thumping beneath her palm.
“Want to talk about that?” she asks softly.
“I uh,” I can’t look at any of them, so I just stare at Elle’s legs draped over mine. “I’ve always wanted kids. It…It’s important to me.” Fuck, why do I sound so nervous? I’m talking to the people I love most; this shouldn’t be so difficult. “This,” I gesture between all of us, “It’s real, I’m all in.” My voice breaks and I try and hide it, clearing my throat but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
Hayden stretches his arm over the back of the sofa to squeeze my shoulder. “We all are, buddy.”
“I guess I just want to know now if kids aren’t in our future.” I rub my brow, clearing the moisture there.
Elle grabs my face and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. “Thank you for telling us. We all need to be honest, and I don’t want you stewing on things that are bothering you.”
I nod and swallow back the lump in my throat as this sounds like the start of a gentle let down.
“I want a whole bunch of kids,” she says, grabbing my attention, “And between us, we’re going to love them so fucking much. We’re going to make them feel so cherished that it erases our upbringings without the unconditional love we needed. You, my beautiful heart, are going to be the one to show us how.” She smiles at me, her eyes full of love and truth.
“Sounds good to me,” Lance says, giving me the same full-of-promise gaze, and I offer him a watery smile as I blink back the tears threatening at my eyes.
“Can I just check your definition of ‘a whole bunch’?” Hayden asks Elle and I chuckle into her neck.
She looks to the ceiling as though deep in thought. “Six is too many…” she muses.
“Thank fuck for that,” Hayden splutters making me laugh harder.
“Two isn’t enough,” she continues. “Somewhere in between will be perfect.” I smile up at her and kiss her shoulder. “Just give me some time, okay?” she asks. I’ll agree to anything she wants because she is the fucking light in the dark. The illumination of one thousand stars.
She’s ours.
Our starlight.
59
ELLE
Istand on the centre of the stage, my breathing hard, my skin coated in a fine sheen of sweat, and my feet aching from my six-inch platform heels. The crowd waits in buzzing anticipation as I stay in pressure building silence. The lights are low while I wait for my last song to start. It’s been such a rush tonight. The guys tell me everything went better than they could have expected today, Lance is officially the leader of one of the largest crime syndicates in the city. Brent is now his second in command. Hayden has been recognised as his partner. And me? I belong to all of them.
I have never felt so free.
The lights dip slightly as I bring the mic to my lips.
I sing Alicia Keys’Girl on Fire.Starting soft and crisp but once I hit the titular line, I belt, letting the natural rasp of my voice graze over the words.
My audience whoop and cheer, singing along loudly, and dancing like there’s no tomorrow. I’m so happy I could cry but I’m too busy nailing this song. My friends all sit together at one of the tables and I’m pleased to see that the guys are joining them and not staying to the side lines. I’d even invited Ruby to come hang out and she’s standing with Brent while laughing at Gaby’s attempts to engage him in chit-chat.
Turns out Sydney was right; Gray only had a flesh wound and his passing out was down to shock more than anything else. He stayed with me and the guys for a few days while he heeled, then decided he was ready to leave. As it goes, apparently getting shot in the leg is the wake-up call you need to admit you have feelings for the guy you’re sleeping with. He and Enzo moved in together today and Gray has even committed to introducing him to his grandmother.
Gaby has told me that I am allowed three plus-ones to her wedding, and they’ve set a date, which makes me so happy. Tonyand Lance seem to be chatting away, building a friendship while Lance’s arm is wrapped possessively around Hayden’s waist. Hayden talks to Gray and Enzo, laughing about something and trying to pull Lance out of what I’m sure he considers a boring conversation.
Everything is how it should be.
