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“Get someone out to sort that,” he jutted his chin to the mess he’d just made of my wall and left my room with a slam of the door.
I let out the breath I’d been holding. Fuck. Everything I’d said was true, they were all valid reasons for Lance not to bring Elle into our world. But they were all things that I would have helped him overcome with anyone else. I couldn’t watch Elle live on the arm of another man. It was selfish of me, but I couldn’t do it. Lance will be fine, there will be other girls, I was sure of it. But after resigning myself to never having my happily ever after, I wouldn’t sit back as an outsider as the one woman I could have loved chose my cousin.
13
LANCE
I’d packed, leaving only what I needed for the next couple of days out and I regretted it. I was fucking restless as Brent’s words kept playing in my head.Protect her from you. When I’d gone in there to tell him my plan, I was expecting him to grumble, sure. To complain that he didn’t really like Elle, that he didn’t want to live with her. I had rebuttals to everything I thought he might say, but I wasn’t expecting the bombshell he dropped on me.
Brent and I may not have grown up together as family but from when I found him and ensured my dad gave him the job he desperately needed, he’d been my cousin. My friend where I had none. I respected him and he respected me, I told him everything, I took his advice and trusted his judgement. But if my fist hadn’t hit the wall, it would have hit his face.
He was right though. The more I thought about it, the more I knew it. He was right. I could and would have done everything in my power to protect Elle if she agreed to be at my side, but it wouldn’t be enough. I couldn’t ask her to live a life surrounded by bodyguards, limited socialisation, and not being able to be more in life than the wife of a powerful man. She needed more. Fuck, shedeservedmore.
I was stood in my bedroom, now just a blank space, hands buried in my pockets to stop from doing more structural damage. I had to do this, I had to go all in. I couldn’t let her down gently, she’d argue, she’d fight for this. I couldn’t keep her friendship because if the wrong person found out about her and what she meant to me, she would be a target. Plus, I couldn’t have her in my life and not be with her, not anymore. I had to protect her heart, and mine. The only way to do that was to break it.
I heard the front door go and the easy laughter of Hayden and Elle returning from their shopping trip. A chill ran over my skin and my muscles tensed. It had to be now. I couldn’t give myselfa chance to change my mind. She would come to me, I knew that, so I stood and waited.
It took a couple of minutes before her light footsteps made their way up the stairs. I heard her go to her room, probably to throw her bag and jacket down, and then, without knocking, she opened my door. I had my back to her and I didn’t turn when she entered.
When I first came to university, I was sure my heart had shrivelled and dried a long time ago. I wasn’t raised to love and emote; I was raised to lead and grow the legacy of my father. My mother gave me affection and some semblance of love in my early years, but once my father decided I was old enough to learn his ways, I hardly saw her. When I do nowadays, she is usually drunk and sad. Now, my heart was beating so ferociously in my chest that I couldn’t deny it was still there. It screamed in protest, knowing that once I’d done what must, it would be shattered.
Elle’s soft honey floral scent hit my nose before her arms snaked around my waist from behind, running her nails over my pecs and pressing her breasts to my back. I swallowed, allowed myself one second of her warmth, her pure fucking love, and then I turned, taking a step back to put distance between us.
My hands were still in my pockets and I had my Daos face on, a mask of cold indifference. When she saw, something flashed in her eyes. Fear. I’d put fear in the eyes of many people in my life, but it killed me to do it to her. As soon as it appeared, it was gone and she gave me a soft smile.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Fine,” I answered without emotion and her face fell, her eyebrows knitting together.
“Are you sure? You seem…off.”
“I said I’m fine,” I said with an annoyance I didn’t feel.
“Okay, well…we got some lunch, whenever you’re ready. But, um…I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.” She bit her lip, nerves playing all over her features. I’d been ready to stick the knife in but now I was intrigued in what she had to say, so I raised my eyebrows in question. “Well, I was thinking, as you’re headed back to the city and I wanted to move to the city to look for a performing gig, maybe we could look for a place thatwas big enough for all of us?” She smiled almost shyly waiting for me to answer.
Well fuck. If she wasn’t offering up everything I’d wanted on a silver platter. Unfortunately for both of us, she was also giving me the perfect opening. “Why would we do that?” I asked trying to keep my voice flat, bored almost.
“Oh,” her head jerked back like I’d struck her and confusion etched its way across her face. “I guess I thought…”
“Listen, Elle, you seem to have an over escalated view of what is going on here, so let me break it down for you.” I stepped forward and took her chin in between my thumb and finger. “You’ve been fun, sweetheart.” She flinched at the sound of my name for her sounding more patronising than loving from my lips. “But the fun’s over. We’re graduating now, did you really think this would continue past then?”
Her face paled and tears sprang to her eyes, looking at me like I’d just told her that Santa wasn’t real for the first time. “I…but…Lance,” her voice was thick and stunted.
“I don’t do relationships, Eleanor. I have no use for them. I especially don’t keep women who have been passed around campus like a hacky-sack.”
She yanked her face from my grip, a sob ripping from her throat, and she pushed at my chest to put space between us.
“What the fuck?” I turned to see Hayden in the doorway, looking at me in disgust.
I just ignored him, not able to deal with him right now, and turned my gaze back to Elle, who was clutching her chest and was a step away from hyperventilating. “I…I…I don’t understand…we were…you said…” She looked at me, the tears streaming down her face pooled in my gut and it took all I had not to go to her and wrap her in my arms. “I love you,” she said, barely above a whisper, a plea in her voice.
I resisted the urge to blink, which would inevitably push my own tears out of my eyes. “That’s your mistake.”
She ran from my room, knocking past Hayden on the way. “Elle…” he called after her, but she was in her own room and wouldn’t answer. He turned to me with unadulterated rage. “What in the ever-loving-fuck have you done?”
I had to get out of here, the walls felt like they were closing in and the air felt too thick. I went to the door but Hayden blocked the way. “Move,” I growled.
“Tell me what the hell that was.”
