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I hold back my sigh. I don’t need this. I really should be doing the assignment that was due in two days ago. "Did you see the drool he struggled to wipe away when we were at Momma's?"
Avery giggles. Each time this happens I'm confused by her actions. Why is she spending time obsessing about Lucas when she's never moved beyond the first date with any guy! Lucas hasn't had the chance of a date, and I really hope he doesn't even try. I'll feel sorry for the dude. He seems nice. Avery expresses interest, she's a natural flirt, but the way she pulls back tells me there's more to her lack of trust in men. I think something happened in Chicago and she’s holding back. We don't speak about the past. In fact, we are quite good at dancing around issues. I'm starting to feel the pressure of my secrets being spilled and I don’t need that. This is the issue with being around elite. The fame. Being thrust into the limelight because of Austin doesn’t help with keeping Dad a secret.
Avery chews her perfectly manicured nail, short and pink. The nail biting is a sign. "I just don't think it's right."
"Hmmm," I mumble.
Someone please save me!
Avery narrows her eyes. "What does that mean?"
I gaze her. "Ave, you don't have to do this to yourself every time."
I've told her this many times over the semester, but she never seems to learn. She saves herself before they can hurt her, and I can completely understand that, but Avery is stop walkinggorgeous and she uses this to keep men at a distance. Powder blue eyes flirting with the smatter of freckles along high cheek bones, a small button nose, full pink lips, and all her red hair. She knows that she can have whoever she wants, and she plays with them. Like a raptor, and mean like one, too.
"What are you doing today?" she asks, clearly the topic of Lucas is now done with, or at least for now.
She’s not going to like that I plan on hiding from the world. I push up from the couch, taking my empty mug with me to the kitchen. I know I shouldn't, but I need another hit. "I was planning on heading to the library." That’s a lie. People will find me there, so it’s either staying here, or finding another place to hide. I turn in time to see the look pass over Avery's features. "What?"
Her nail is in her mouth again. "I would probably stay away from campus today."
The way the pressure snakes around my chest is already enough to make me want to hide, but of course I'm going to ask why. Flashbacks from the time of Dad's death rush into my mind, igniting the acid I know will surge up my throat. "Why?" The word blows out of me in one quick breath.
Avery nibbles her nail as she talks. "Podcast."
I frown as my stomach rockets to my feet. "Harry's?"
Avery nods, concern flashing in the blue. "I know you love him, but his whole persona is the gossip queen. He's not safe with information."
My secret has been safe for years, why would it come out now? What could Harry possibly know? "Is it bad?" I need to ring Mom. We need to figure out how we will survive this latest storm, especially when we are still navigating where we’re at now. He's never done a podcast on me before.
Fuck.Why hadn’t I thought about it. I knew that Austin was bad news, and now he’s makingmethe news. I’m goingto kick his ass, and he will probably smirk in that sexy way as I do it. What had I done for Harry to betray me like this? My heart clenches. Has he been using me, faking a friendship to get gossip? I'd trusted him, let him in when I've always promised myself I wouldn't because people can hurt me. The girls had forced their way in. Harry had come along unexpectedly. I keep my circles tight, and that’s why Austin isn’t getting in.
Avery scrunches her face. "It depends."
I have to think back to my question, a lot of things can pop in the mind given seconds. Is it bad…
"On what?" I hold my breath.
"I don't know why I said that." She sighs, shaking her head. "I know you. Yes, it's bad. You hate things being out in the open, and this is veryopen."
I close my eyes as adrenaline pulses through me. "Tell me." If she hits me quickly, it won’t hurt as much. Right? I won’t feel the moon sized hole I’d felt when he’d left me. My chest squeezes, taking away my ability to breathe. Tears sting my eyes as everything feels like it’s happening all over again. When will the past stay there? Had he known about the pain he would be leaving us with?
I hear Avery move closer to me. "He recorded conversations."
My eyes snap open. The breath I held wooshes out, leaving me gasping for the next. Things around me blur, my focus taken with trying to get oxygen into my body. "When did it come out?"
How long has the world known?
"Last night."
I sigh. I understand why my friends haven't told me, but I can't do damage control this late in the day. Harry may have expected to hear from me because I'm not one to let things lie. If you do something wrong, something that hurts me, or pisses me off, I will have an opinion. He's wronged me in the cruelest way, and this time, I'm going to kill him.
What conversations are important enough he'd want to use them? I've never spoken about Dad, not to anyone... or had I been drunk? Unless he'd researched? It wouldn't be hard. It's on the internet if you delve deep enough. Recorded conversations...who with? God. I need to stop thinking about the worst case scenario.
Avery studies me, probably thinking I'm going into shock. I feel like I am. "I need to call Mom." My voice sounds strained.
"Does she know about Austin?"
