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"We all know that Austin doesn't have the best relationship at home, that's why he's in Boston," Kit tells the group, going into rescue mode. His accent moves through into a more distinctive British one when he's defensive.
I appreciate his attempt, but I think the damage is already done. “I don't speak to my parents unless I have to, Amy makes me sometimes."
I generally push all my parent shit to the back of my head, hoping it will dissolve there. I look at the table and hate the question that every girl has in their eyes. They don't trust me, and that sticks in my gut more than the snake slithering in there. I take the moment because my answer is going to change everything. Even my crew don't know this. I look directly at Mia. "I killed my brother."
Pin.
Drop.
No one other than Amy knew in this room, and now everyone stares at me. The only gaze that matters, I hold.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN ¦ FEELS
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Mia
As soon as Austin had dropped the mic, so to speak, we'd immediately left, citing we needed to let him talk to his sister and his crew. His crew had stuck around, and that really warms my heart. They are family, and it helps me to see rowing elite as something different to what the world tells me.
Now, in the light of day, I can’t tell you why we’d done that. Shock? He hadn't even tried to come after us. Afterme. I’ve grown used to him pushing his way into my life, and it bothers me that he hasn’t. But why should he? I've hurt him, and in doing so, I've hurt myself.
It had been his secret to keep, and we’d forced him because we hadn’t understood the context. We’d been shocked about his dad having a heart attack and having a sister. His crew already knew about Amy, she’d been in the family section, but had they known about the brother? We hadn’t even stayed long enough to find out his name.
Amy had never mentioned the brother at the regatta so it’s only natural that I’m thinking about other things he’s keeping from me. I breathe through the turmoil that swirls in my gut. What should I have done after the whole confession yesterday?Carried on eating the pancakes? It’s not the kind of confession that comes with a manual. So, I'd come back to mine, sharing a room with Avery, who had talked my ear off about the whole thing. Like I'd needed to relive it. I remember mumbling something like 'I have an assignment to do...'
I'd judged him and thenabandonedhim in his time of need, and my biggest fear is that he will do the exact same thing when he discovers my secret.
I’m a bitch.
If Austin had killed his brother, why would his sister stand by him? There has to be more to the story, and I hadn't stuck around to listen. His crew had stuck around him. Surely blaming himself is just his reasoning to get through the trauma? Had he even been there to help him? Why hadn't I asked all of these questions yesterday? If he does find out my secret, if I trust him enough to tell him, then I hope he treats me better than I've treated him.
I groan, covering my face as I flop back on the couch having spent most of the day watching re-runs ofFriends. Luckily, no one is in to see this mini-breakdown.
I'm aterribleperson.
I reach for my cell, needing to make amends because I don't like the person I was yesterday. I don't like not giving someone a chance when all he's done is prove himself time and time again.
He's never pushed me.
He's supported me.
Even protected me.
And at the first sign of...whatever this is, I run.What the hell is wrong with me!I stare at my cell, fingers ready to type something but my brain isn't quite ready. I sigh and text four words. Nothing can be misconstrued with those.
Mia:We need to talk.
Three dots instantly appear.
Austin:I agree.
I nod, ignoring the little twist in my chest at him not sending kisses in his text. A part of me thinks he’s been staring at his cell, waiting for me to message. But at least I’ve broken the ice.
Mia:Meet after lecture?
I know that Austin doesn't have any today. Another bonus of the regatta, the crew have passes.
Austin:Okay.
