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It was six or something drinks later. I had stopped counting after a three, and some of them had been doubles, so it could have been any number.
“You good?” Darren was looking at me, amusement coloring his face.
“I’m amazing. I’ve got a dead wife, a daughter who doesn’t remember her mother. I barely leave the house, and I know everybody’s side-eyeing me, but they don’t know what to say. Not that I blame them. I haven’t made myself super easy to approach.”
He frowned and took a sip of his beer. “You’ve been through something traumatic. It takes time to grieve. Don’t beat yourself up because you feel like it’s been a while.”
“It’s not just that.” I brought myself forward, holding my head in my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing with Scarlett. I never should have let her stay. It’s fucking everything up even more.”
“What do you mean? Did something happen with her?”
“Too much. I asked her to leave for a reason, but she came back. Not that I’m surprised. She was always a little stubborn.”
Kylie had told me stories of how Scarlett used to dig in her heels when they were kids. She could be flexible, but when she really wanted something, there was no convincing her otherwise. I’d seen it in action a few times. The danger with Scarlett was that she knew how to talk her way into what she wanted.
“I like that about her. She knows what she wants and goes for it. I know people who have been here for a lot longer and still have trouble making decisions with half the confidence Scarlett has,” Darren told me.
“I’m not that much older than her,” I mumbled.
Darren chuckled while taking a sip of his drink. “I never said I was talking about you.”
“But it was obvious. I’ve been stagnant for two years, avoiding all kinds of hard decisions. I pushed Scarlett away when I felt like things were getting too… and then she comes back, and I fucking arrange for her to have another baby like that will fix all my problems.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Darren looked extremely shocked.
It was weird, or at the very least, not a thing people just casually mentioned doing. Having the little sister of their dead wife have their child to give their daughter someone to play with. And then making the condition that she has to leave once the baby was born.
And that’s exactly how I explained it to Darren.
“That’s something.” He was running his hand through his hair. He didn’t seem disgusted with me or anything, just like he was processing it all. “And Scarlett wants this?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “She seems to want more, but I can’t give it to her. I mean, look at me. I’m a fucking mess. I’m barely taking care of myself. Everything I have goes into Olivia. I don’t have room for something romantic.”
“You wanna know what I think?” he asked. I nodded. “I think you’re wasting your time. Clearly, you like Scarlett, and that girl sees something in you. What you need to do is go home and open up your heart. It’ll make not just your life better but also your daughter’s. Both of you deserve to be happy.”
“Yeah, sure.” I rolled my eyes.
“Think about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
Darren looked at me for a couple seconds. “Let me drive you home. You can come back for your car in the morning.”
I probably shouldn’t be driving. I did have a few too many. “Yeah, okay.” I grabbed my stuff and headed out with Darren to his car.
I was able to sober up a little on the ride home. Darren left the car window on my side open. It also gave me time to reflect.
I thought about everything my friend said about letting myself be happy and opening up my heart. It sounded hard. I’d been closed off for so long. I could admit to myself that I liked Scarlett but giving her more room in my life and my heart scared me.
I could try, maybe.
I was having a hard time thinking, though, because all I could think about was fucking her again. I had gotten so wrapped up in her without even realizing it.
When I got into the house, I walked up the stairs and went over to Scarlett’s door. I gently pushed it open. I saw her lying on top of her covers, sleeping. She’d curled up, her book sitting open beside her. She must have come back to her room and read after getting Livvy back to sleep.
I walked into her room, closing the door behind me. Sitting on top of her bed, I looked over her exposed legs.
“Noah?” Scarlett woke up. She rubbed her eyes before looking over at me. She looked a little sad.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“I’m sorry if I overstepped. I never want to make you feel like I’m trying to—” She stopped talking when I started running my finger up and down her leg.
