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“Let go?”
She tore her mouth from mine and rested her face so we were cheek to cheek and I couldn’t see her eyes. “Stop holding yourself back. Give me your passion, all of it.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Don’t I?” She ground herself against me. “Please, Magnet.”
I turned our bodies a second time so her back was against the tree again. And then I let go. I dug the fingers of one hand into her arse. With the other, I cupped the breast I longed to taste. I ground into her body with mine, using the strength of my legs until she cried out. I didn’t stop to ask if I’d hurt her. She’d demanded I give her all my passion, and that’s what I did.
“Don’t stop,” she cried as her body shook, her fingernails dug into my shoulders, and her breath held just long enough for me to feel her pulse against me.
At that moment, when I brought her to the first of what I promised would be many orgasms, I made a decision. Rogue would stay here. Schön, Macht, and I would handle this op on our own. And whenever we were alone, she’d be in my arms, naked. If she wanted me to let go, I sure as hell would. I’d fuck her into next week, then back again. There’d be no more soft and gentle from me. There’d be no forcing the beast back into the cage.
Schön buried her head in my neck, and I felt…dampness. Her tears. I’d hurt her. Jesus, what was wrong with me? I released her, making sure her feet were on the ground and she was steady before I cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes. Or I tried. Schön looked everywhere but at me.
“I hurt you.”
She tried to shake her head, but my grip wouldn’t allow it. “I can’t do this. I can’t be this person. I told myself I never would be again.” She pushed me with both her hands, so hard I stumbled backwards.
“No!”I shouted, then reined in my anger. “This is you and me. It’s not the same at all. You and me, Schön. I care about you.”
She shook her head. “I broke a promise to myself. I can’t…we can’t. You have to leave me alone now.”
I felt as though I might cry too. “What the fuck just happened?”
“I became the person I never wanted to be again.”
“But—”
“I don’t expect you to understand,” she said, walking backwards and away from me. “This has nothing to do with you.”
I stalked in her direction. “It has everything to do with me. Everything. This isn’t you on your own. This isn’t about seduction. It’s about both of us wanting each other so much that we can’t deny it.” I put my hand on the back of my neck and squeezed. “I won’t allow you to deny this.”
“You don’t have a choice.” She turned around so her back was to me. “Do the right thing, Magnet. Stay here.”
I did as she said but not as she meant. Schön wanted me to remain in Shere because she couldn’t trust that what had just happened between us was so much deeper than the experiences she was using for comparison. She’d told me to unleash my passion, and when I did, she took responsibility for it—as though if she hadn’t pushed, my actions would’ve been different. They wouldn’t have been.
Most importantly, Schön hadn’t seduced me. That’s where her self-recrimination was coming from. Her worry that she had. That she’d initiated what happened between us. If she could get beyond that belief, I knew she’d be able to look at the experience from my perspective.
It was intimate. We were connected. Our passions were fueled by mutual desire, building on each other’s emotional intensity.
I couldn’t help her see any of that if I was in Shere and she was in St. Moritz. I wouldn’t avoid her, thus allowing her time to discount what was between us and to tell herself she’d become the person she never wanted to be again.
It was the opposite. Maybe for the first time ever, Schön could trust that a man—me—saw her for exactly who she was. Not a honey trap but an intelligent, amazing woman who’d already made such an impression on her fellow coalition members that they were in awe of her. Zeppelin had made his feelings abundantly clear, and of anyone she needed to hear it from, he was near the top of the list.
Right after me.
16
SCHÖN
What was wrong with me? Magnet kissed me, and I completely lost my sense of self. Had I really told him to stop holding himself back? To give me all his passion?
God, I wanted to rewind my life to an hour ago, before I’d made an absolute idiot of myself.
Back to before I’d shown him I hadn’t changed at all. Once a honey trap, always a honey trap. Once a woman who relied solely on my body to advance my career, always that woman.
How many times had I told myself I’d never throw myself at a man again? The last time was supposed to have been when I tried to kiss Zeppelin at the resort in St. Moritz. That in itself had been mortifying enough.
