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I bury my hand in her hair and force her to look at me, but she won’t face me, keeping her gaze downcast as she balls my shirt in her hands. Celeste chokes on a sob, her grief uncontrollable, and I can’t make sense of what’s going on. If anyone had been hurt, Silas would’ve already informed me. Ever since Celeste betrayed me, we put into place countless protocols that would’ve been implemented if anything was seriously wrong with any of our businesses or anyone in our family. When we got married, I added Celeste’s family to that list too, so what could’ve possibly caused her distress?
“Baby, look at me,” I whisper, cupping her face.
Her eyes meet mine for a split-second before she averts her gaze again, her sobs becoming erratic. There’s nothing I can do as I watch my wife fall apart in my arms, and my attempts to hold her together are futile. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is, and I’ve never seen Celeste like this.
She gasps when I bend down and lift her into my arms, and she begins to cry even harder as I carry her to our bedroom. My wife buries her face against my neck and holds on to me with all her might, like she’s scared to ever let go. What could’ve possibly happened to her? Is this because of Lily’s memorial a few days ago? In the days since her birthday, things were tense between us at work, but nothing happened to cause this level of grief, so it can’t be me she’s crying over.
I sit down on our bed with her in my lap, and she rests her head against my shoulder, her breathing ragged. “Celestial, will you tell me what’s making you so sad? If it’s within my power, I’ll fix it. Fuck, there’s nothing I won’t do if it’ll make you stop crying. You’re breaking my heart, Celeste.”
She cups my face and tries her hardest to steady her breathing, but it remains choppy despite her best attempts. “Tell me something,” she asks, her voice breaking. “Have you ever lied to me?”
My eyes widen at the loaded question, and I search her face, though I’m uncertain what for. “Once. When we were twelve, I told you that you looked stupid with your braces, even though you were absolutely stunning even then.”
Her thumb brushes over my lip, and she tried her hardest to bite back a sob, her grief seemingly bottomless. “And since then?”
I stare at her, trying my best to decipher the look in her eyes. It’s a quiet confidence, and I haven’t seen her look at me that way in years. “Never, Celeste. I haven’t lied to you once since you returned from college, and the lies I did tell you when we were kids were all attempts to tease you. I have never, and will never, knowingly deceive you.”
She nods, and a weight I hadn’t realized I was still carrying falls from my shoulders. “Zane,” she whispers. “I am so sorry.”
My wife draws a shaky breath, uncertainty crossing her face. I watch her as she gathers her courage, the way she scrunches her brows betraying her nerves. I’m enraptured as she bites down on her lip and looks to her right, taking a moment to collect herself. This is how she always looked when there was something she needed to tell me, and she didn’t know how.
“I’ll bring this up one more time and never again, Zane, I promise. You… you never cheated on me, did you?”
My entire body goes rigid, and for a moment, I’m tempted to lift her off my lap, the need for space suddenly rushing through me. Celeste grabs my shirt, her gaze pleading, and fuck, I’m still so fucking weak when it comes to her. “There are only so many times I can say it,” I tell her, weary to the bone. “It’s always been you, Celeste.”
She begins to cry all over again as she tells me about her visit to the doctor’s office and the documents she read. I’m oddly detached as she reminds me of Lily’s diary, and the words she spoke before her death. Celeste and I argued about Lily’s allegations and her diary for weeks, right until she betrayed me. It had gotten to a stage where my grandmother was getting the paperwork done to formally disown me, and I still fought for us when she wouldn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt.
I stare at my wife as she tells me repeatedly that she’s sorry, but the words do nothing for me. They don’t soothe my aching heart, nor do they grant me the relief I thought I’d feel. I always knew something must’ve been wrong with Lily for her to have made up such insane lies, but Celeste never believed me, wouldn’t even consider the idea.
“Celeste,” I murmur, my voice soft despite my firm tone. “I did everything I possibly could to prove my innocence to you, but you weren’t even remotely willing to listen. You destroyed everything we fought so hard to build, and you did it with your own two hands. You looked me in the eye and smiled as you weaponized every single project I’d helped you with, turning them into accusations of corporate espionage that were nearly irrefutable. I won’t lie to you and say I wouldn’t have let my pain guide me the way you did had our roles been reversed, but I’d never have destroyed you like that. I would never have tried to put you behind bars foryears.”
I push against her gently, unable to treat her roughly even now. “The way I see it, you took the easy way out. It was becoming clear our relationship was going to cost us everything, and you jumped on the excuse Lily gave you. I’d have done anything for you. I’d have given up everything, but you weren’t willing to do the same.”
I rise to my feet, and she grabs my hand, holding on to me desperately. “Zane,” she pleads. “That isn’t true. You know that’s not true. You can’t possibly believe that. Zane,I love you.”
I turn back to face her, my heart heavy. “Isn’t it true? Just a week ago, you said you want me back, now it’s easier to be with me. All of a sudden, you were able to forgive me for my supposed sins, when for years, you did all you could to make me pay for them. Isn’t that awfully convenient, Celeste? If we divorce in two years, it’ll greatly complicate our company structure, and you’ll lose access to the Windsor wealth and network. Divorcing me doesn’t benefit you, but staying here, pretending you forgive me, that does.”
She looks stricken, and for a split-second, I’m tempted to believe her, just like I did back then. I fell for that innocent look in her eyes, for her smiles. “I don’t have any faith in us, Celeste. Not anymore. I don’t believe you love me — I’m not sure you ever really did.”
ChapterEighty-Two
Celeste
My gaze moves from the plant I’m holding to Zane’s closed home office door, my heart thudding wildly as I battle my indecision. For two weeks now, he’s come home only to walk straight into his office, shutting me out completely. It’s clear he doesn’t know what to make of my apologies, and I’m torn between giving him space and wanting to show him my sincerity. I keep thinking about the way he looked at me when he told me he doesn’t believe I love him, and that I only want to be with him now because it’s easier. How do I convince him otherwise? How do I earn his forgiveness after everything I’ve put him through? He was right to say I destroyed us with my own two hands, and I don’t know how to make things right. I’ve never felt such debilitating regret, and there’s no one to direct my anger and helplessness at — no one but myself.
I take a deep steadying breath before pushing the door open, and he looks up, his expression shuttering closed when he notices the plant I’m holding. I pause and just take him in for a moment, deep longing settling in my chest. I’ve barely seen him in days — every time we’re in the same room, he finds a reason to leave. Even at night, he seems to wait until he thinks I’m asleep before joining me in bed, like he did in the first few weeks of our marriage.
More than once, I’ve wanted to turn around and force him to face me, but I haven’t had the heart to. The last thing I want to do is make him even more uncomfortable by cornering him late at night in our bed. I’m not after more conflict, and I won’t earn his favor by getting on his nerves.
When he can’t get out of being in the same space as me at the office, he concentrates solely on his own work, utilizing Mike to liaise between us when need be. The way he’s been avoiding me makes it so obvious he doesn’t want to speak to me, doesn’t even want to see me. He hasn’t even been returning my mother’s calls, and I’m unsure what to tell her. I know what Zane is like, and I know he needs space when he has to think things through, but I’m becoming impatient. When he looks at me like he doesn’t know what to make of me, it makes me all the more desperate to prove that I truly do still love him.
My hands tremble as I gently put the Lily of the Valley plant that I got him on the edge of his desk, and he frowns, his expression conflicted. “I wish I had the skills to plant these,” I murmur, “but I don’t, so I bought them for you. Do you remember, Zane? These were the first flowers you ever gifted me. You told me that just like us,Lily of the Valleyhad a long history, and it represented apologies and a fresh start when that apology is accepted.” His eyes roam over my face, and I’d give the world to find out what he’s thinking. Just before my birthday, I was certain it was love I saw in his gaze — perhaps not the same kind of love we shared in the past, but love all the same. Now, I’m not so sure. He’s become as unreadable as he was when we first got married, and the loss hits harder than ever before.
“You once told me you wouldn’t ask for my forgiveness, and that you wanted just one chance to earn it. I’m standing here now with the same request. Will you give me a chance, Zane? Just one chance to prove that I do love you, that I’m sorry beyond words, and that your worries about us are unfounded?”
Zane pushes his chair back, creating some distance between us. Pure torment dances in his eyes, and I hold my breath. “I asked for your forgiveness because I’d been a stupid child, and I’d treated you in a less than stellar way because I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings for you.”
“I know. I know this isn’t the same, but—”
